The Life & Times

RyE On The LeBrondown Theory

2011-06-17T14:26:00.000-04:00

Social media was a riot with the defeat of the Miami Heat. Celebrations were had almost more so because the Heat lost than Dallas winning. And hell it could have been anyone (Fill in the Blank) vs Miami Heat and had they won it; it would still create the same result.

I wanted to write this more so on my perspective of why The Heat, or more so why LeBron was vilified this whole season and why the world hated but I feel that has been done to death. Hell I can admit I was one of the many who hated on him. Initially I was on the fence before I started my hate but as I got into it, and with Bron Bron adding more fuel to the fire I was in full hate mode.

The reason why I'm not going to write my theory however is simply because Bill Simmons.. the best damn sports blogger/coloumn writer.... in my opinion, simply wrote it the best. Read it here:

The Sports Guy

I also have to credit him for the LeBrondown Theory aka meltdown of LeBron size magnitude. Like he said, the problem with a guy like Bron is that he has a world of potential but is surrounded by a group of enablers and sycophants. This has caused him to pass the buck per se on what he is capable of. Never one to take the blame he always pushes it to others. In Cleveland it was his supporting cast, during the early season of the Heat formation, "it was too much expectations" and that there was a natural learning curve that needed to be take the "heat" off them (pun ehh somewhat intended).

The problem isn't entirley even his fault but how he goes about it. In team sports you don't ever call your teammates out as role players with no killer instinct. You don't call yourself King before you step out of high school. You don't take on the superstar status but want to be viewed as average. (I stopped writing on Monday 6/13)

(resumed on 6/17)

whatever... LeBron is a Bitch hahahaha

RyE On Thoughts To Work

2011-06-09T09:57:00.000-04:00

Why had my phone been blowing up all night? (Oh that's my sis and my lady friend tweeting back and forth mentioning me...)
Why didn't I just shut off the sound.... #grumpy
Wow its Philippines hot out
I love kids...Except bad ass kids on public transportation
I seriously don't understand how Asians parent their kids....
BAD.ASS.KIDS...lil terror bastards
DAAAAAMN (shades off) #caught #fail
I don't care if you are gay...(that is my assumption on this case) no man should ever walk around with this thinking your making some type of ground breaking fashion statment (it was purple in real life)

(in my mind) Of all the fucking people in the world to get stuck in an elevator with.... (reality) HEEEEY Buuuuddy how's it going?! HOT out isn't it?!
All this before 9:30 AM I'm calling it a day

RyE On #$@%*&@ Myself

2011-06-01T14:21:00.000-04:00

Procrastination is similar to masturbation. In the end...you're only fucking yourself.

Is that how it goes? Well that's me right now. I for the life of me can not get myself to come out of this creative block. I'm working on a project that started out as a hobby/passion and now has turned into something real legit and here I am staring at the computer screen writing....this.....instead of my assignment. Granted I work better under pressure and quick deadlines so that could also play into this.

And ironically I've come to realize that I've been coasting a bit. Business has been down across the board at no fault to me or my team, but I have a lot of down time. Add to the fact that my role from doing everything to more or less just overseeing has changed my pace that its been hard to focus on old school assignments I haven't done in a while. Repetition breeds action and I guess my lack of repetition has resulted in a lack of...action.

So I'm going to step my game up and work like an intern again. Work like I'm on the come up. I've not even come close to reaching the pinnacles that I plan to reach and I'm getting far too comfy in my "slower pace let everyone else do everything." I'm going to find ways to improve myself and ultimately my business. Be better prepared and put new twists to old formula's so that the end result....doesn't leave me fucking myself ::wink::

RyE On This Little Light of Mine

2011-05-31T22:59:00.000-04:00

iiiii'm gonna let it shiiiiine....

(ahem)

Excuse me I couldn't help myself. I'm about to pass out as I write this but I needed to get it out. Ever have one of those moments where you just feel productive? Where you feel like you want to do more? Because life is just so much better when you actually apply yourself in it? Yea....that's what I feel like.

Getting back into a much needed workout routine and better eating habits (summer is here and well I gotta keep tight keep it right). My running has improved so much in the last two months. I am running long distance outdoors with a lot of stamina and speed. It reminds me of how I was back in 2006 and I couldn't be happier. I thought I lost this ability through all my injuries and other ailments. And to see it back well I'm not going to let anything stop me. I want to namaste and om shanti it up more. I want to find that balance of peace and help alleviate the pain in my back.

I want to be enlightened and read more and stop listening to my ryepod every morning on my way to work. I want to write more and I guess blog more. I want to have conversations with intellectual people about their lives and experiences.

I want to enjoy the summer and live it to its fullest potential. I want to buy a little piece of heaven. I want to ride my bike till the very End. I want to share captured moments with my loved ones so we can look back fondly of our time together. I want to love....love her. I want her to love...love me.

But the biggest thing I want to do....I want to go back to school. I got this itch to want to learn and feel like going back to school can only help me to where I want to go next. And you know I say this thinking I have it all planned out (which goes against my last blog). And I might have a hint of what I want to do but I also know that if it doesn't happen....well it'll still be all alright in the end.

So c'mon world....are you ready for me?

RyE On A Summer Love Affair (Find Your Love Edition)

2011-05-26T12:05:00.000-04:00

I better find your lovin...I better find your heart

I better find all my love and nothing's going to tear us apart

So my love we find ourselves back to square one. I know I was away longer than I anticipated. I left you abruptly and promised I'd be back. And I returned...later than normal and with mixed emotions and negative circumstances. Nothing that you did but yet I came to you with that and expected you to "fix" it. Instead I left you just as soon as I had arrived... still with those mixed emotions and I feel I did you a disservice.

The anticipation of our reunion was brought up in discussions much sooner than I had imagined and by individuals who I don't generally relate to you. The constant thread of comments made about you and expectations of you... and me...us..... soured my view. And I knew all this as I had mentioned in the past I knew I was opening us up to a world I wasn't sure I was ready to handle.

And now everyone wants a piece of you and I feel selfish about it. You are mine. You will always be mine. I love you till the stars stop shining on your face. And I'm sorry that we left each other on less than favorable terms. It's made me timid to go back to you. And I know it's only a passing moment but I still feel like until I correct this wrong it won't feel right.

And so I promise to take us back to how it was. Back when it was simple, sweet and innocent. You're my fortress of solitude...the one with all my secrets...the one that takes away all my pain...the one that I found my love and I will go back to you and find that love once again.

I know it.

I'll see you soon love...

RyE On Thank Me Later

2011-05-26T11:26:00.000-04:00

And oh my goodness you're welcome (you're welcome)
At this point me is who I am trying to save myself from....

I think I'm spending all my time with the wrong women
I think I have a chance at love and knowing me I missed it
Cause me dedicating my time just isn't realistic
Man, the good girls went silent on me...
They got a boyfriend, or left for college on me
And all the bad ones I used to hit are friends now...
That make me wish I had a little less mileage on me
But do I ever come up in discussion?
Over double-pump lattes and low fat muffins?
Do I?.... Or is missing what we had out of the question?
I'm probably just the reason that you learned your lesson...
I got flows for the Marilyn Monroes who was there before it all...
I guess thats how it goes

They hear about your cons, but focus on your pros..
And love you for who you are from the bottome of they soul.
But those same ones from your area will grow into women that are ready to get married at hello...

Searching for the meaning, you'll find it next to me.
They tell me I'm the hottest....guess we finally get to see..

They Say the doors'll open up soon as you find the missing key...
It's probably why I'm in this bitch shinin
Jump up in the sky and put the stars into alignment
I rep the NYC in case you need to be reminded
And the bandwagon's full but you can try and run behind it..

And I know life is just a game in which the cards are facin down
I'm in a world where things are taken, never given
How long they choose to love you will never be your decision
And I'm aware that this could be the last time you listen...

RyE On Leaving it in God's Hands

2011-05-24T16:10:00.000-04:00

Everybody made it through the rapture? Yes? No? Maybe? Well...for better or for worse I'm still here and so if these are the last few months I'm going to rock it out till the wheels fall off. Funny actually that this whole rapture nonsense came into place because I was actually thinking of spewing my thoughts on certain things that I've been somewhat of a loss for.

If you haven't learned by now I'm a planner. I'm an organized type A personality planner. That means I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, and managing my time efficiently. I ~~find it irritating,~~ ~~get frustrated~~, ~~find it annoying,~~ ~~hate,~~ DESPISE indecisiveness and indecisive people. They really irk me and make it unbearable for me to ever want to do anything with them. The only problem is I have a lot of friends and family who fall in that category. It's whatever. I've been dealing with things like this my whole life and really I don't see this changing. We are who we are.

Another thing I can't wrap my brain around is my inability to just let go. You know when your younger and your mom or dad tell you not to touch the stove because its hot? I mean clearly you see the flames...you know that heat = pain yet there's still that burning desire to want to touch it? What? No? Only me? (damn) Well anyway....sometimes I know my brain is right. That certain things are better left unsaid, and things are better left alone, and I shouldn't keep doing certain things yet my heart, my soul, and everything about me says "fuck it" and does it anyway. (see What's the Story Morning Glory?) I'm an emotionally vested individual. I just go on what I feel even if it's against my better judgment. And sometimes in the end it probably will hurt even more not listening to my brain but I can't stop it.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that for as much of a planner as I'd like to be...for as smart as I know I am...I still have to leave a few things to a higher power. God, Buddah, Allah, Yoda...whomever it may be I'm leaving the bigger things in my life up to (in my case) God. I stress out too much when I over think. And I stress out when things don't go a particular way that I had hoped or imagined it to go. It leaves me bitter, angry, and down right nasty at times. So while I may not like planning with you indecisive people, and while I know I probably shouldn't be doing the things I'm doing, or saying the things I'm saying with you folks, whatever happens as a result of all that? I'm leaving in God's hands.

God I hope I'm right

RyE On 5 Things I Rock Daily

2011-05-22T20:34:00.000-04:00

My White Girl...Lindsay Lohan

Time Piece & Karma Beads

My Angel...given to me by my Angel

Gotta stay moist ;)

RyE On What's The Story Morning Glory?

2011-05-13T23:52:00.001-04:00

I'm writing this after a long day that followed a long week...that followed an even longer three weeks combined. I've been at the lowest of my lows and brought back to the highest of highs only to come back straight to the middle not knowing whether I should look up or down.

It's been crazy to say the least and I wish I could fully state all the things that's in my head accurately but I know I just can't. I'll probably ramble and make NO sense of what I'm trying to say.

So in no particular order I'm just going to try and say what is on my mind these last few weeks....

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I'm sorry that I left and ignored you. I'm sorry that we ever went through what I feel is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I'm sorry for putting you through this. And isn't it crazy that in a week it all seemed like a lifetime ago.....
I don't know what it is but I can't seem to escape my past. Old faces always seem to pop up. Some welcoming... others with trepidation. And then I think to myself when the last time I saw them and it has been years. Who I was when I last saw them I don't even recognize. And I wonder why am I so afraid to want to reconnect? What is it that bothers me to try and stay away from them..
I have come to the conclusion that I am one emotional head case. There was a time when you couldn't ever tell my emotions...well you probably could but I would never admit it. But in the last few years and especially in the last few months I've come to realize that I'm really sappy lol. I'm a cornball and get all emotional over the dumbest things. For example it was Mothers day and I spent it of course with my mother and her sisters (who are all mothers) and my Lola...the matriarch of all of them and I just broke down. I teared up watching my family and had to excuse myself. I love my family. If there is one thing you should know about me is that they mean every.thing.to.me. And I will do anything for them. Which leads me to my next point....
I don't always reflect so much on what I want so much so that I tend to forget the things that I truly want out of life. I get wrapped up in making sure everyone else is happy and working towards what they want I lose my own goals. And then it was said to me...or written rather to me... and I realized that damn how have I not seen what was always in front of me. It may not be the hip thing to say or even some macho bravado thing to say but I could care less. I want a family of my own. I want a wife who will share my world with me. Who will be there for me through thick and thin and be the force behind me to want to be a better man. And I want to be the same for her. I want to start a family and have kids. I am a Tito, a Ninong and a Kuya but I want so badly to be a Father. And I know that someday I will but I wish I could just believe it now...
Call me stubborn but I find it funny how in time the things you once stood so adamantly for and against you realize it doesn't always last. Maybe it's my new role but coming into the business I have always been one to say I will never be close with the people I work with. To me it just didn't matter. I always felt like I have my core friends and that's cool. I'll be friendly with people from work but I could never allow them in. Fast forward almost 6 years later and I'm all about the peeps I work with. I mean I legit care about each and every one of them. I look out for them and want to make sure both professionally and personally that they are okay. I don't feel all that much older to them but they make me feel like a big brother to them. Affectionately they call me out as a "Daddy" and its crazy because that is the nickname I get from other groups of friends...
I guess you can't escape being who you are. I'm proud to be consistent and at least be honest and true to myself. It shows because no matter the groups of individuals I come across they treat me with respect and genuine feelings for me...
However I feel for those who are still trying to find themselves. Not that I fully know who I am yet...but I think that whoever I feel or state that I am... I stand by it with conviction and a purity to it. I don't think your ever too young or old to say you know 100% who you are. It's an ever constant evolution. The values of yourself may not change but they certainly will adapt and mature over time....
And so I worry about two of my best friends. One I worry about despite his inability to be honest with me. Despite his lack of concern for others than himself I still care about the kid. I wish he could find himself but only he can do that on his own. The other I worry about his insecurities. He's the type who has the world at his hands but doesn't believe in himself enough to seize it. I want the best for them....
Fast Five = Awesome; Thor = ehhhh........
I just really wanted to make it to ten :)

RyE On Define

2011-04-17T11:07:00.000-04:00

It's been sometime since I was able to put thoughts onto ~~paper~~ computer screen (?). Been rather busy lately with traveling to Miami to visit my cousin Kaity and enjoy the South Beach lifestyle. I had an amazing time down there and really took it all in. My cousin proposed that I go and buy a piece of property in the 305 and I am seriously considering it.

A moment happened while I was on the beach soaking in the 88 degree weather and sun filled day while knowing my life back home in NYC was a cold rainy below 55 degrees was going on: "I would trade my life to start over again..."

It was a moment...a brief moment and it passed. But it's a moment I always think about. If I could change one aspect it would be to start over..somewhere I don't have any ties to and where no one knows me. I've only had 4 years in my 27 years of existence that I did not live in NYC. And those four years I was so young and naive that all I thought about those 4 years were "I can't wait to finish this and start my life back home." I've defined myself as a true and through New Yorker. A thoroughbred Queens kid with the heart of the city beating through every part of my body.

And what does that mean? I don't really know if I can put it into words. The melting pot culture kept me aware of diversity. The drive to succeed mentality and the always on the go gear was normal. The ability to be you and say Fuck You to anyone or anything that ever said you can't be you felt accepted. I guess that all stems from being a product of my environment. And I do it so naturally. If it weren't for the people in my life who didn't grow up here or with me I wouldn't even know there was this aspect to me. To all the people I grew up with or who have this NY swag we are all one in the same in our own right. Similarly breathing and exercising those same attributes.

In the last 4 years, my life has been in constant flux with ups and downs. I used to prioritize my identity as New Yorker first and Filipino-American second. What that embodies is I am proud; brave; passionate; stubborn; aggressive; fighter; unwavering; resilient; defiant; unforgiving for who I am and what I stand for. Some of those things can be mistaken or accurately represented (depending on how you want to look at it) as cocky; arrogant; obnoxious; and an all around asshole (My alliteration skills are ill). And however way you want to take it there are aspects of me that I'm not going to shy away from; some aspects I wish I didn't have; some I need to work on; and some I wish I had more of.

Prior to college life was very simple and straight forward. I was who I was and never saw the need to change or adapt. The people in my life were like me so we naturally just fed off each other. The culture of hip hop and the rebellious youth driven message to go against the fabric of what is considered "vogue" or "right" or "successful" only furthered my stance. Now granted that may not be the best model to mold yourself into but it is what it is. And so for 23 years I was this hot head kid who couldn't and wouldn't change for anything.

When life decided to throw a monkey wrench in the plans that forced change in my life I've been doing everything to change aspects of my life that I don't even know who I am anymore. All the things that were so simple and straightforward is all cloudy. Trying to maintain who I've always believed myself to be and balancing it out with these changes have been such a mental burn on me.

Recently I got into a bit of trouble at work because I apparently "took it to the streets." And gosh darnit did you know that in Corporate America there are no streets?!?! Yea I know...blew my mind too! ::wink::

And for reasons I don't feel like reiterating on this piece the basic conclusion was that I was wrong and punished for my wrongs. In my eyes though? I felt I was right and that balance between who I am and change resurfaced again. Oh such is the life and times.... No such thing as balance, its one way or no way. So damn it I just want to start over and be me somewhere else...till it's time to come back home. :)

"Its not what I am called that should define who I am. It's who I am that should define what I am called"

RyE On Premature Retire and Other random thoughts

2011-03-24T00:41:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the premature retire post when I said I was going to take my talents to Tumblr. Honestly I think it has a better set up but for someone who has zero writing skills (thats meee) and who goes through serious dry spells with my blogs I found it to be way too easy to just "reblog" or post a video/photo up.

I couldn't quite get any writing down or off my chest with all those distractions. But like any great talent...you should always be ready for a come back! So let me blow the dust off my finger tips...tap into the good ol noggin and just free flow.

SXSW has just wrapped and reading reviews and asking a friend of mine who attended I was more curious about what he heard that hasn't gone mainstream yet. Anyone who knows me knows that I love music. I'm not going to claim I'm a music head and know all these great "underground unknown talents" or my opinion on music is superior than yours. No, I like all types of music from mainstream to underground and I believe everyone has a right to be passionate about how they feel about the art.

I won't knock people for what they believe in but what I do have issues with are people who claim that an artist who is so pure and has raw talent when they are unsigned and underground no longer have that talent when they cross over to the main stream. How does one lose that talent just because more people are tuning in? Does the "art" suffer because it is now accessible to a wider audience and therefore caters to far less understanding of what talent it? Are you saying that once you cross over you have to sacrifice truth and dumb your talents down so others can relate?

maybe.

I can understand that point of view but what I can't understand is how you turn your back on the artist you have supported while they were "starving." As any fan I'd imagine you would want the best for whoever you are idolizing no matter how far it takes them. And as fans we need to be honest to ourselves as well. Music is personal. I don't care how you slice it. One line, one rip chord, one bridge that carries over and takes you to that next level you can't help but feel intoxicated with it. Or perhaps it's the lyrical combination of words that says "I get you" and "this song is about me." Music has the ability to tug at our hearts and is a form of art that can take you really high or really low.

Perhaps we just feel too personally vested in artists when they are unknown because we feel we knew them before the fame. We were there struggling with them. And after going to all the bars, and local town band battles, open mics, and street parties you realize they are the same as you. You can relate. But the minute they sign...all of a sudden things change. And now the secret talent you always knew is exposed and no longer a secret. The everyday common man/woman you related to is now a superstar and you can't relate.

Whatever the cause, and whatever the reason, don't abandon your fan membership just because they crossed over to the dark side. Because at the end of the day...if it wasn't for people like you...they? Wouldn't have made it. So enjoy the ride!

[Side bar: As a Hip Hop Head...I'm really tired of people saying "{insert rappers name} is REAL hip hop"...What is REAL and what is not REAL is all subjective. Maybe you should look up your history on hip hop and realize that the essence of hip hop was driven out of cultural and rebellion towards the norm. For one to claim so and so is REAL hip hop should know that Hip Hop is DIVERSE. Quit trying to hate on other people's love of their HIP HOP!]

RyE On What Fuels You?

2011-03-15T22:44:00.000-04:00

I admit I like people who walk around with a chip on their shoulder. Right, wrong, or indifferent on what that chip is I appreciate what it brings out of that individual. Most of my life I've been told that very phrase. And most often I would deny it. As I get older and reflect back on the things that fueled me it has become almost obnoxiously clear that I did in fact walk around with a big ass chip.

I can't say I had a bad childhood. I was never denied anything. I never felt that I ever had to struggle for money or food. I lived a really well rounded childhood. Now where this chip came from I don't know. Napoleon complex? Maybe. I was the shortest boy in my class and had to deal with stupid medical issues that made everyone around me baby me and treat me "with care."

As I got older it moved to doubting what he can accomplish. Always being surrounded by my older cousins I always had someone watching my back. Nothing I ever did was fully mine. All my accomplishments and friendships I made seemed to be driven on the fact I had a family lineage of popularity and success before me. And lucky me...I must have just gotten some left overs.

Each stage of my life I've felt the need to prove myself in one facet or another. When I first started my career this supposed chip was so big I walked into my first job out of college like I own this place. Almost as if the job was beneath me. I moved up quickly and moved onto the next phase of my career. And building my reputation and name all over again was a new challenge with new obstacles.

I look back on all these particular times of my life and I sit and reflect on where it has gotten me today. And I can say with a clear and unbiased mind that for everyone who ever doubted me, anyone who ever thought I wasn't good enough, and anyone who ever thought that I was nothing more than a hot shot kid on the come up: I hate you all. I took that ball of hatred and channeled it as fuel to my success. Every stumble and every fall I took I know put smiles on your faces. It only made me want to get up that much quicker and hit you back that much harder.

See when I say I hate you I'm not sugarcoating this like "ooooh I hate you man!" Nah I legit have this evil resentful hatred towards everyone who couldn't see me for the man I am. Judge me? Tell me I don't measure up? Too blinded to see what I have to offer? Doubt that I can ever be a man, who is successful in this world, on his own two feet? To hell with all of you.

RyE On Goodbyes

2011-02-07T13:28:00.000-05:00

Goodbye Blogger - Hello Tumblr

http://ryeblogs.tumblr.com/

RyE On Thanks

2010-11-25T16:32:00.000-05:00

Thank you God:

For another day
Keeping my family strong despite the struggles
The love I get from all my family and friends
Giving me a wonderful family
Friends to lean on
Tiffany <3
The doctors and nurses who took care of me this past year
A career that is successful
My talent and abilities you have given me
The strength to persevere
My wonderful new 2010 addictions after a 3 year hiatus....(don't judge me)
For recognizing my weaknesses....and accepting them for what they are
For BLESSING me and those I love
....many more thanks!

They say "to whom God gives...much is expected"

RyE On So You Want to Date a B! (The Dress)

2010-11-16T00:36:00.000-05:00

When this portion of my blog turns into a best seller I doubt this will be in the first chapter. No no..probably later in the book or maybe in the second edition. But while it is still fresh in my head I may as well teach this lesson.

This lesson is entitled the Dress

I never understand the dichotomy of a fashion minded woman. Don't get me wrong. I want my woman fashion forward and to be sexy and sophisticated in how she presents herself. All my women must be strong in order to be with me and therefore looking the part is half the battle. But all the rules and stipulations on what you can and cannot wear...how many times you can wear it....and all that x's and o's is like drawing up a football play. It's a little too complicated.

So let me break down the situation. I was attending a college friend of mines wedding this past weekend and my date was (in my opinion) over analyzing what to wear for the wedding. Me? I just had to get a suit and boom done. The most thinking I would have is what shirt and tie combo to go with it (which I picked out the morning of....um with her help).

But weeks leading up to the wedding my date couldn't find a dress to wear despite having a closet FILLED with beautiful dresses that I am sure would have been just right for the occasion. However, to my knowledge...you women just cannot wear the same dress twice! (sooooo why buy it???)

The week of the wedding was approaching and my date still had not picked out a dress. She was close! She picked a dress then realized...she was going to wear it to work.......(deep sigh). So she goes on this website "rent the runway" (cheap plug) where she starts sending me dresses to approve for the wedding. After several...several....SEVERAL.....dresses we finally settle on a top three. One of the dresses in particular we BOTH fell in love with.

The dresses came in the night prior to the wedding date. All was working out till....I get this

At first I was like (draw dropped) she looked gorgeous and radiant in the dress. Then I looked at it again and noticed....that is a LOT whiter than what we saw on the website which described the dress as GOLD. So not wanting to panic I simply thought maybe it was the phone camera she was using that made it look off white. This led to a series of massive texts to ANYONE I knew who would give me their opinion.

The responses came in:

Off white
Cream like
White
White with a tint of Gold
"You can't wear that to a wedding unless you're the Bride"

(DEEP DEEP SIGH)

Now as a man you have to know when and where to disclose information to a woman about how they look...how they dress...and what is and is not appropriate when they are looking for you to give them some advice. In this case? Yea I was NOT about to have her panic even more about this dress.

So naturally I tried to keep these responses to myself and reassure her that everything was going to be AAAAA-OK even though deep down inside I was thinking to myself SHIT! FUCK! WHYYYY??!? =)

It is bad enough she knows NO ONE at the wedding except me and the last thing I needed was a date who wore a faux pas wedding dress. Still I figured it was best to just go with the flow and if she wore the dress we will ride out together in it. (even if it did have us getting side eyes and getting kicked out the wedding)

The next morning she came (an hour and a half later but that will be for another story and another lesson). To my surprise she had bought another dress that morning to wear. She tried on all the dresses again and in person she looked even more beautiful than any camera could ever capture. The dress we both fell in love with looked amazing and in truth it was a gold dress but in the wrong lighting could easily be mistaken as an off white color. And sadly we went with another dress. The dress she had bought that morning.

What I learned from this experience is that when you put a woman in a situation where they are going to be in unfamiliar territory and you are the only link they have... it is necessary that they feel comfortable in whatever sense of grounding they can attach themselves to. In this case the dress was that comfort zone. She may not have known anyone going into this wedding, and may not know how fancy of a wedding it was going to be but as long as she felt comfortable with the dress and she knew I was comfortable with her in it than that's all that mattered.

I thought at first all this was over reacting and silly but fella's you have to realize that as much as you may think your date is over reacting to how she looks, it is the one thing she has control over. Giving her grief over what she wears will do you no favors. And when she is asking for your opinion on a dress it is because she wants to look good not only for herself but for YOU. She is trying to impress people for YOU because they matter to YOU. So don't roll your eyes or feel like its a chore when going dress hunting with your woman. At the end of the day shes thinking about you more than she is herself. I'm lucky enough to have brought someone who cared enough for me to do just that. And truth be told....it didn't matter to me what dress she wore because she looked beautiful in every single one. But even if she wore that amazing white/off white/cream like/gold shimmery dress....and the wedding decided to chase us out with pitch forks and burning stakes.....I think it would be all worth it just to see her in that dress for one moment in time.

RyE On "Must be a Slow Week" (CLB)

2010-11-11T01:40:00.000-05:00

"That's Him!" I'm usually what they whisper 'bout
Either what chick he with, or his chip amount...

So don't believe everything your earlobe captures, it's mostly backwards unless it happens to be as accurate as me and everything said in song you happen to see...then, actually, believe half of what you see, none of what you hear, even if it's spat by me!

I've come to realize that Hollywood Pes' is truly going to be a difficult moniker for me to live up to. Back in 2006 that was my nickname. More so how I carried myself but little did I realize that my life would be so under the microscope.

I'm not really anything special. I don't live an outlandish lifestyle. I'm very much a private keep to myself kind of guy. The industry in which I happen to put my career into however...thinks otherwise.

"The streets is talking..." "SO ARE THEY TRUE?" "A little birdie told me..." "Ok...so look me in the eyes and tell me this isn't true...." "OMG So good to see you...hey btw..are you dating..."

I realized that coming back to the place I had left only 5-6 months ago was going to cause some controversy. Add in the fact that I don't talk about my business to the general public and inquiring minds are going to want to know. But the attention that has been given to me in the last three days has been crazy paparazzi status.

Someone actually "caught" me having dinner with a certain individual and felt it was necessary (during my time off mind you) to spread that around. Next thing I know there are rumors of me being with this young woman. Really? I can't have dinner with someone without already being attached to them in some way? And honestly...HOW do you manage to "catch" me having dinner???

The next big topic is why did you come back?? Well it doesn't really matter does it? I'm back and whatever events led me here is just details that doesn't concern you. Then they want to know if I got dropped...(shaking head slowly with eyes closed).....and do you got beef with ____

No and No.

Sometimes there's not always a story behind every action that I do. And if there is one and you don't know about it...that was by design.

I understand I need to open up. I have ways of doing that. I would consider this blog even as an outlet. I talk to certain people in my life that I feel I can talk to about and they will hear me out without trying to talk to me like I'm a child. Point is...I'm working to the best way I know how to....open up.

Yet it's like that old saying...give an inch..take a mile. Your sucking the life out of me like thirsty bloodsuckers (no pun intended). I swear my life isn't worth your time to worry about all the questions that seem to pop in your head. I certainly do not need you to worry about who I am seeing.

Which brings me to this next point. You can read the comments...see the interactions...look at what pictures you can find. You can draw your own conclusions but the reality is....you do not know US. You don't know what we talk about, you don't know how we interact with each other, you don't know what draws us to each other. You simply do not know. So don't try to. Don't analyze us. Don't draw conclusions because WE? Are way too complicated for you to understand.

To my friends who are concerned...I understand your concern. I appreciate the pact that we made you are living up to it. I truly feel blessed you are looking out for my best interests but I am not blind. Nor am I stupid. My actions may seem like I am both. But I know something that no one knows (maybe not even her) and that is my heart.

I am a grown man who makes his own decisions in his life. I do not need to validate your concerns or your over active curiosity. I do not need to change my life because of your assumed conclusions. WE are good. And you can take that how you want it but know that no matter what...you still won't understand because you are not a part of US.

So let me be. I'm drained. Overwhelmed. And almost defeated by all these paparrazooh's who can't seem to see my life as anything but open to be stalked. And why? Because I chose not to disclose my personal life to all of you? Don't try to give me 15 minutes...I don't want even 15 seconds.

Our Crazy Little Bubble is at full capacity...and it's a party of two.

RyE On Our Crazy Little Bubble "No I in Us"

2010-11-10T01:22:00.001-05:00

She: God I hope this dress works in person when you see it!
Rye: Lol I'm sure it'll be fine
She: I think its funny the ONE dress we loved
She: You called "sexy"
She: Is the ONE dress that is causing drama
She: That would be "us"
Rye: Lol
Rye: I was wondering where u were going with this
She: Lol
Rye: I was like is this girl going to somehow blame me for this
She: Lol
She: No blaming us.
She: US
Rye: Lol sure...
Rye: Us

RyE On The Life and Times: Fact or Fiction

2010-11-09T01:07:00.000-05:00

Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around. ~Frank A. Clark

What do you want to believe? To paraphrase Dolly Madison...one of the proudest things to me is to never desire someone else's business. I just happen to somehow always be in the thick of things. So why do you want to know about all that nonsense? It's all just rumors...

I just want to address these issues so we can move on.

Fine. Start over...what do you want to know.

Well you have been having a rough year haven't you.

Is that a question or a statement?

Alright alright fine. Yes. 2010 hasn't exactly gone the way I anticipated it to be. 2009 was a rough year but 2010 was tough. I expected to be better in 2010 but it seemed like 2009's karma just spilled over. It started out promising. I thought my health would sustain, I would get a new job and the girl that I never knew but was always there would be the answer to everything I looked for in a woman. Instead my health got worse...my job situation didn't work out the way I planned it...that's another conversation...and the girl....nothing happened.

That would explain your hospital visits this year.

Yea check my bills...I'm living that American Dream...overpriced health care and in debt. It's fucking fantastic.

Well it got pretty serious for you didn't it...

I had some family issues I was dealing with, I hated my job, and the girl I put all my trust in didn't feel the same way for me. I think all of that triggered things. Then I didn't get better. I got worse. And I was put on more medication. This lasted from March till the of June. For four months I tried to live like nothing was bothering me but I was slowly slowly dying.

I'll never forget the day I was supposed to be on a plane to Buffalo to be a Godfather for the fourth time. And not being able to get off the couch because I had lost so much blood. But if it wasn't for that kid I would probably be dead right now. I somehow mustered the strength to get there and actually stand through the whole baptism.

Came home and went straight to the hospital. They say for my condition it's best not to stress. Well when you see yourself bleeding out you tell me how you don't stress. And when your doctors don't know how to help you...you tell me where you find answers to.

So that's what lead you to seclusion and to your depression....

I think your jumping to conclusions. I secluded myself because I couldn't be around people. I was sick and I didn't want any of their help or their sympathy and most of all I didn't want them to worry about me. Depression can be mental but in my case it was a lack of chemicals in my system due to the loss of blood. I'm not going to sit here and say that I wasn't also going through enough bad shit all at one time for me to just lose all the positive attitude I had but I think it was more chemically driven.

Then something odd happened. When I was in the hospital in May I got a job offer that I went on an interview back early in April. Whatever type of depressed state I was in somehow got lifted a bit. The new drugs seemed to be working and I felt like I was back on the road to recovery.

However June was probably the worst of all the months correct?

Yes. I started a new job but my health did not recoup fully. The drugs did help but did not help me get over the hump. I don't normally even like taking drugs but now that I'm on them to live a "normal" life I guess it made me start to do things uncharacteristic. I started self medicating myself. I was also getting blood transfusions every weekend while I would work the week. I was too afraid to lose this job that I just got because I was afraid of going back to the job I hated. I needed to succeed. Failure was not an option for me. The problem was I started having real bad cases of insomnia. Granted my hours of sleeping were off since late Jan early Feb of the year but I was going through almost 48 hrs with only 1-2 hrs of sleep. Again I was worried about not having a good situation with my job so I started taking sleeping pills. And they worked wonders. Only problem was that I had to get up so early for my new job since the commute was farther and so I couldn't take these pills as much as I wanted to.

Again not having anyone to talk to I figured I just needed to control my health and I wouldn't be so stressed. So I started upping my dosage to know ones knowledge. I mixed too many pills together and actually ended up passing out on the way home from work.

At any point did you think that this was it?

......

Yes

It seems silly but the heart is a powerful thing. Not only did I lose the girl but I lost my most trusted individual in my life. And that whole time I was sick I felt she wasn't there for me. And while I went down she lived her life. And no one knew about us so there was nothing for me to tell anyone. Factor in I secluded myself from all my friends for not having the energy or strength to want to explain myself to them and the "depressed" state I was in. I knew what I was doing when I started to over prescribe my pills. But at the same time...I didn't really care. I looked at it like well...if I die I die. Best case scenario is the drugs will make me better. And they actually did. Even though it wasn't properly ordered this way I was able to work and stay "healthy" enough to get through the week without anyone knowing. But as my body adjusted so did my dosage. When the meds worked I felt normal but as soon as they wore off it felt like my insides were dying. And so I had to continue to overcompensate for it till everything faded to black.

It was the first time in my life that I was fine with just not caring enough to want to live. I wanted to be selfish. Deep down I wanted to die. I didn't care about the people I would leave. I didn't care about my family or friends. I just wanted the pain to go away. I didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to live my life this way.

But that didn't happen. So what made you turn things around?

To be continued.

RyE On Ego Trippin...Back for the First Time

2010-11-08T00:50:00.000-05:00

Just freestylin my thoughts on what tomorrow brings...

Yo boy Pes' is fly like spaceships
haters like food I feast after graces
Only rock basics, Reebok Classics
Graduated from "fucked up" no longer getting wasted
Real life placement, moved from the basement, placed on a matrix based on a day in the life spent..
Acapella Freestyle all harder than your song said
My life span designed to be thicker than a red bone
I'm a problem when I'm in the zone
So pardon me for being blunt I'm just being direct
I don't really deal with beef cuz I digest
But if you haters feeling froggy get disect
I show these niggas how to stroke with my bicep
Cuz the Queens kid clocked in like a giant Gob-a-lin
Stack cash never spend like kids in recess I bully lunch money
Been selling Kool Aid since I was young honey
Never stop earnin I'm still learnin
I'm way past hot and homey I'm still burning

Rumors of the Demise of Rye is dead
Change gon come that's what Barack said
I prefer Money Power and Respect like the Lox said
Leader of the New School that's what Jess said
Don't need Fendi this or Gucci that, maybe a little Sierra Leon Diamond enough said
You can know so much yet but know nothing, if I know nothing else bet I know hustlin
This ain't even supposed to rhyme its a controlled substance
No iron pumping just kettle bell swinging
I just do business I don't do friends long as the money right I'm in
Don't need to second guess the best I'm him
Still wrap circles round these new Urkels cuz I stay in my lane till it open up
Like a sponge to the game I just soak it up
5 years in I deserve it
Cypher so hard I just murdered it

So God bless my "Soul" I just found religion
And with help from a "Birdseye" view she help channel my vision
Uncaged uplift me out of my prison
Everything I say imitate my life
My words be inspiration to your life
That's why I let you into my diary to admire me
The makings of this man see my private dichotomy
So if you hear me God open up the pearly gates, let me entrada
Rip open my body, fuck me up like a pinata
Just know those that come after me, all basura
I might have slipped for a minute that was not by design
Gotta remember God has plans for mine
Slight different approach I thought He wanted me out through my ass hole
But worry not case you forgot he let it be and left me, The Asshole
So all you doubters can hug and kiss my ass x and o
The fact that I'm free let me know God is great
To spread my kool aid no concentrate
So never fear Superman is here
Clark Kent by the desk I shall appear
Hakuna mata, feet up sippin java...

Guess who's back?

RyE on So You Want to Date a B! (Preface and Prologue)

2010-11-05T02:32:00.000-04:00

If you have been a faithful follower of my blog (which I praise and bless you for keeping up with my silly rants) then I think you can guess...I'm not that great with women! Well let me restate and clarify that. I AM great with women. I'm just not great at PICKING women. They are either doormats...fresh out of a relationship...looking for the "nice guy"....or involved (shhhhhh!). In other words I tend to go with the crazy ones. Then again every girl is crazy. But I? I shoot for bat shit crazy. What can I say I'm a masochist...and honestly....crazy girls make relationships fun. Anyway I digress.

I've been meaning to do this for some time. I've noticed that while I may have my issues in picking women it takes a very strong individual to date a B! What the B stands for? Well you will need to read these blogs in order to find out. Consider this a manual...a how to guide. Along the way I'll be giving my thoughts on the female kind. Male thoughts vs Female thoughts on various topics. How I feel about love and all that gushy shit. But before I do that let me set this up.

Preface

For as long as I can remember I've been inspired by women. I've been infatuated with their whole make up. Not talking about the stuff they put on their face but rather what makes them women. From the clothes they wear, to the scent of perfume they put on, and how they carry themselves.

If you ask any man what they like in a woman (and this could be very well true for most females too) they would probably go along the lines of...funny, sweet,intelligent, and good looking.....

Way to be generic buddy. Granted I too look for things in a woman but all my life I've pretty much studied the female behavior. And quite frankly I still don't get it! But I love women. I love their minds, their conversations, their emotions, and how they express them. I love the way they can show love because that is the most important factor in it all.

In my young life I've had the opportunity to interact with so many diverse women from all over the world. Each woman I met was different and unique in their own right. I've had the pleasure of dating several different women with many different backgrounds. Like Big Pun said...I don't discriminate I regulate every shade of that...aaaaaaaand I'm digressing again (Did I really just quote Big Pun?).

I also have an admission to make. I don't really believe in "the one." Or even being with your soul mate. I happen to be a marathon dater. For those that don't know what that means it means that I go from one long relationship to the next. And it's not so much that I get over a girl easily it just happened that way. And in each one of the girls I dated for X amount of years I find myself learning more about myself and what I want out of a woman.

For that matter, as you grow, your taste grows, so does your interest in what you find in a partner. I certainly don't believe that the one girl I met in Jr. High will fit me more perfectly than the seven other billion woman out there that I will happen to meet when I'm 30 or so. No I think that we all have countless other "better halves." The key is timing and finding that better half at the right time or knowing you found that person and taking a leap with it. It may not even be in this life time (hell it could be in another life time if you believe in that sort of thing) but the key is knowing what you have.

With all these experiences I'd like to share them with you as you go through my journey and all the ups and downs of my so called love life.

Prologue

My mom always told me one of the most important decisions I'll ever have to make is who I want to bring into the family and start a family with. As a child I never quite understood that. As I grew up and started dating it became abundantly clear to me. Crystal clear in fact what she meant. You see...I have a LARGE family. My father is one of 10 and my mother is one of 7. Both sides of the family are super close. That means when we have "family gatherings" I'm not just talking about mom and dad and my sister coming for dinner. I'm talking all 8 Tito's and 8 Tita's and all my cousins. My cousins on my dads side all happen to range from the oldest to the youngest about a 15 year gap. So we are all very much close in the sense that we are almost like brothers and sisters. When we got to that age of dating I never thought much about bringing them around the family. For the most part all the girls I started dating were from school so they already knew my parents and my cousins.

What I didn't know was how all of them truly felt about the girls I brought home. Here I am thinking that I bring home my first girlfriend, all sweet innocent little Stephanie (See How Rye Met Steph) and my parents an family love her. Boy was I wrong. (I'm terribly sorry Steph if you are reading this and this is news to you!)

My mother absolutely HATED her. And my cousins? They felt she wouldn't be a good fit in the family or make a good wife for me. Now before I even go any further please note that Stephanie and I started dating in like the 4th grade and all throughout high school. BUT mi familia?? They thought this back in the FOURTH GRADE. It is absolutely asinine to think that at such a young age my cousins would think that.

As the years went by and I started dating other women who didn't have the luxury of meeting my family as they met me and introducing them to the fam was like strategic warfare. I had to lay out the family tree and give characteristics on all of them:

The point I'm trying to make is that in order to date me...you kinda have to go through them...

Don't worry...You'll survive...I hope! :)

RyE On Our Crazy Little Bubble

2010-11-04T00:13:00.001-04:00

Maganda: No mean faces. Those are so NOT nice
Rye: Isn't that the whole point of a "mean face"?
Rye: To...not...be....nice?
Maganda: Not to me!
Maganda: You? Love me. And should ALWAYS be nice to me.
Maganda: Clearly.
Rye: That sounded like an order
Rye: Almost a demand with the caps
Rye: U know rye rye doesn't respond well to those
Maganda: ....
Maganda: You are dillusional
Rye: How am I being dillusional??
Maganda: Bc I that wasn't an order!
Rye: Are we speaking english?
Rye: Or did ur native island in u just come out
Rye: :p
Maganda: Lol.
Maganda: *TIME OUT*
Rye: Oh cmon!!!!!!!
Rye: COME ON
Rye: Ima ping the shit out of you
Rye: PING!!!
Rye: PING!!!
Rye: PING!!!
Rye: =D
Rye: PING!!!
Rye: =D
Rye: PING!!!
Maganda: >=/
Rye: =|
Rye: (hug) ?
Maganda: 2 X *TIME OUT*
Rye: COOOOOOOME ON
Rye: Fuck
Maganda: I hate that I'm totally smiling. You suck.
Rye: That's because you loooooove me
Rye: U can't live withouuuuuuuut me
Rye: You think I'm sexxxxxy
Rye: =D
Maganda: Lol. I do love you.
Rye: Good
Rye: Now you? *TIME OUT*
Rye: :D

PS. Now I'm talking about her ;)

RyE On Ego Trippin Part 4 + Two Years Gone Continued

2010-11-03T00:37:00.000-04:00

And might I add this to my previous blog..

RyE On How Rye Met Steph Part 2

2010-11-02T13:14:00.000-04:00

It was the end of October and Steph had still not given me an answer to my masterpiece letter (insert sarcasm) where I told her how I felt. I don't know if she was thinking about it...or unsure of how she felt...or didn't feel the same way and just didn't know how to tell me. Either way the girl took her sweet time in letting me know.

Leaving me letters like this:

Well she annoyed me.....but that would be routine. After a couple more days she the big day finally arrived! She felt the same way! WHOO HOO!

Only things couldn't really be that simple could they? For some reason, my best friend Paul at the time had an issue with me dating Steph (Go figure at the 4th grade already dating drama). I didn't know quite how to break it to him nor did I really understand why he had an issue to begin with but I knew I had to tell him something.....

Now if I did or not well that remained to be seen.

PS. Happy Birthday Steph! -11.2

RyE On Ego Trippin Part 4 + Two Years Gone

2010-11-02T01:23:00.000-04:00

"The motivation for me... was them telling me what I could not be. Fuck Ya'll"

Let's be honest. I haven't exactly been the most straight forward individual when it comes to my life.
At times I can be a pretty big asshole when I feel like you come close to anything I consider personal or private. Shady kinda comes to mind to describe me. I'm working on it. Trust me.

I think I've said this a million times. I hate talking. I just like to do. Action speaks louder than words for me. But every so often I like to boast. I like to release some aggression.And right now I got a lot of pent up aggression. I want to turn the page on this chapter in my life. So I hope to get this all off my chest now.

Fuck You. Fuck all of you. To everyone who ever doubted me. To everyone who ever thought I wasn't good enough. To everyone who tried to hold me back. To everyone who expected me to be anything less than I can be. To everyone who can't see me for me. Fuck you all.

I have a hard time accepting rejection. I don't like losing. I'm a Type A always Number 1 personality. And if I ain't then I fight very hard to make you see you were wrong in looking past me. So when I feel like I'm not #1 or that I am not getting what I deserve it eats at me. Burns a hole right through me. I can respect defeat but not when I know I'm the better man.

You're a selfish bitch. I see it now. You always wanted it your way. Even now you can't seem to look at me and see what I'm worth. You never put me first and yet I always did. You claim to know me but I'm beginning to think you never did. Because all the shit you hated about me and wanted to change is everything I am. You made me feel less of a man and for what? Because I couldn't give you the life that you wanted? What happened to my goals and dreams? I'm just supposed to give you the world and forget mine?

The sad truth is I was willing to do that. I was willing to give you the world and everything you ever wanted in life. But not at the expense of my dreams.

You're my Past. When you decided to make your decision on how you wanted to move forward with your life I know that you would remain in my past and not part of my future. And I accepted that. But to come back to me and make me a ghost because when your situation is fucked up I'm the only one you got. I got news for you. This ghost is very much alive. Just remember there was a ring on your finger....and I'm not talking about the one your sporting now. But hey...that's just the past.

You're my biggest fake cheerleader. When I was going through my ups and downs you were there for me. I won't forget that. We had our moment in the sun and it was unexpected but I guess how it all came to an end didn't exactly sit well with me. You got your single life jollies off of me and then went running back to the one you left. That's fine. Homeboy is actually really cool. But I'm a pretty big secret that he will never know will he? And you did him wrong because you know that if you told him you guys probably won't be together right now. But you won't ruin that with a fling right? Not that I had any issues with being a "fling." Hell I got out of a relationship shortly after so I was just trying to figure things all out. But all the things you told me...and all the things you said doesn't add up to how things unfolded. But I guess that's just blond ambition ain't it? It's OK I'll take this secret to the grave. ;)

Fuck You. Fuck You All.....

.....but thanks for the motivation :)

RyE On LBJ VS MJ

2010-10-28T09:37:00.003-04:00

With the NBA season upon us I'm excited to see the repercussions of the Summer of 2010. The big free agency class! The move for the Big Shaqachussettes to Bean Town and of course the revamped Knicks! As I watched the NBA tip off Miami vs Boston I really wanted to see the cohesiveness of the big three in south beach. I know it's still too early to say because of all the injuries during the pre season but they were a mess. And all I kept thinking about as I watched Lebron score 30 in his first game with the #6 El Heat Jersey was....you could have probably stayed in Cleveland if that was what you were going to do....

I don't care if your Lebron James or your a little high school punk playing ball on the court. Everyone who touches that leather orange basketball dreams to be the next Michael Jordan. Everyone knows when you were the 2-3 that you have a responsibility. Those numbers are sacred. You can't just expect to wear those numbers and be average (although many have unfortunately). Even if your skill set would lend itself more to say Larry or Magic or heck even Dr. J it didn't matter. YOU wanted to be MJ....tounge out, flying through the air, classic MJ Pose. Don't lie to yourself.

MJ is the standard. The peak of his greatness didn't even show till he came back (for the first time wearing the 4-5). I'll admit, when growing up as much as I loved watching Jordan play I hated him! As a beloved Knick fan he just always crushed us....anyone remember the double nickle game? Yea I do...(sigh). That's probably why my John Starks poster of him dunking over Jordan hung on my wall till it was all battered up. It was the one symbol of Jordan as human on that court.

As time went on I grew to appreciate MJ and didn't even care when he went up against my Knicks. Honestly that was the only time I even hated him. Not because of his abilities, not because of asshole ways off the court to be the best, not his gambling addiction, but simply because he beat my team all the time! I guess you can say the same for Kobe. In my opinion Kobe is probably the closest Air Apparent to Jordan. By the records he'll eventually surpass Jordan but if anyone was as close to him it's Kobe.

I too hate/hated Kobe but I hated him for the simple fact that I don't like his personality. I respect his game but I think he's such a loser...with an amazing gift. I think you take that away from him and hes just a dweeb. But again I respect the dude.

Now LBJ? OK yea your a beast. Probably the best player in the game today. I'll give you that. But you? Suck. I think that whole Decision crap was ego driven and unprofessional. You didn't even give your own team...your HOMETOWN...the respect to let them know you were going somewhere else. I don't care if you said your going to the ABA you could have at least said "Hey thanks for all your support but I will not be resigning with you..." at the LEAST.

Then you started this whole Me vs the world campaign. The twitter account messages. The whole Miami Heat are the most hated team in the world. Nah son...I love D-Wade. Favorite player in the game today since 05. If anything I want to see him get another ring because he plays the game right.

YOU are the most hated individual right now. Not Bosh. Not Wade. Not any other player on the team that came because they see ring aspirations. Your excuses last year during the playoffs, about how you "spoil us" and your explanation of why you decided to "Take your talents to South Beach."

Now you have this dumbass fucking commercial and for all the reasons you say your not MJ I see you sure do like going down his path. I don't blame you for that but all these off court bs needs to stop. Shut up and play the game. Stop going on your twitter account and talking. Just be an athlete and talk when the press is around you before and after the game. No one wants to see stupid commercials like this and no one cares. Just shut the fuck up.

Then maybe when I'm old and grey I'll look back and like Jordan...say I respect you.

Rise

Maybe

RyE On In Case You Forgot

2010-10-27T09:18:00.003-04:00

As I've taken time off from my career and everything else in life I've been spending some time putting my apt together. This is my first piece of property that I own and for almost 2 years that I have lived here it's been missing the "Rye" element to it. Too many hi tech gadgets and basic furniture but no "life" t0 it. So I decided that on my time off that I will put into my place what I had in my old dungeon of a room at my parents house.

Going through old and new stuff and bringing it into my place was like taking me back in time and realizing what a wonderful life I have. Reading some old letters and finding old photos made me also realize that I am almost the same person I was when I was a kid as I am a man today.

I realize I don't normally update my blog on "current events in my life" so let me just give you a quick snapshot of the last oh 5 months? (Deep breath)

In June I quit my old job of 4 years to go to a new company where I would be leading their new Digital Outdoor Advertising company. It was everything I wanted from a career perspective but my health had other plans. My UC started acting up again and I was in an out of the hospital that whole first month. I would go to work M-F and leave Friday to go straight to the hospital to get blood transfusions. I did this for about three weeks. On the fourth week I didn't quite make it to the hospital...I passed out on the street due to loss of blood and was admitted for a fourth week.

I got better...traveled for my job...traveled to MTK...spent a wonderful summer with my friends where I beached it up almost every weekend and surfed. I got to see both coasts and everything in between in a matter of 3 weeks talking and consulting for my job. I was making money and spending money. I met douchebags and millionaires that I never thought I would ever meet. I had my heart broken, confused, brought back to life, and then broken all again.

Then came September as I was about to end the month with my last Nationwide tour presentation and once again my UC started to rear its ugly head. One more time to the hospital. I was there for one week on a liquid diet. I quit my new job to refocus on myself. A Colorful Mind kept me focused on not giving up. That Colorful Mind also finally met my family and all of them from my mothers to fathers side (ah!). All my friends from BK to the Boogie Down and heck even Jersey came to see me while I was laid up in there. With my family and friends I have a great support system and know that my life is worth living.

BUT because you (yes I'm talking to myself) are so damn stubborn sometimes let me remind you in case you forgot.

2000 Senior Retreat Polancas:
To my dearest Ryan,
It is so hard for me to start writing this letter because I do not know where to begin. Well I guess the first thing I want to tell you is to congratulate you. You are now in your senior year and a year from now you will already be in college. It seems just yesterday when you first started school in Pre K at St. Mary's Nativity School and you won't let us leave you in school. You felt so scared and insecure but as days past you felt more and more secure and had self-confidence. Like what your teacher said she saw you got out of the shell. From that time on and up to now I can't believe all the great accomplishments you have done. I know these are just eh beginning for you and you will have more and will have a great future coming ahead of you. Forgive me if I have not said it in so many words that I am so proud of you. And I really do mean it. I know you think I am only after you getting high grades in school, because I constantly tell you to study and to make sure that all your homework is complete. I did that because I love you and I do not want you to regret later. Now you see the fruit of all the heard work you have done. But as you know this is just the beginning. Next year you will be in college and it is time for you to have to make a hard decision of what you really want to do. Well just remember whatever decision you choose to do we will always be behind you and have our full support.
We are so busy, excited, happy preparing for your college application but when it is time for you to leave for college I really do not know what to do. You and your sister have brought joy to our life. Ryan my dear son, as I always say please do take care of yourself especially when you are ready to leave on your own. Another thing please never forget to pray and thank GOD for all the blessing HE has given you and your family.

Love always,
Mom

Dr. Ramon M. _______, MD

September 24, 2000

To my Son Ryan,

It is hard to realize that time has gone so fast. Senior year is here and college is not that far. It will be time for you to make hard decisions. As you have always made it clear to us you have to make it your own and you would not need our help. I guess you have done that since you were small. You made your own choices and there was no way we could change it.

You are your own man now and I guess it has to be this way. I would just want you to know that we are always here when ever you need us or need our help. We stand behind you in every way and in any situation no matter how critical they may be.

Just as we have spent so many happy moment, I know we will share more as you leave to go to College. We know you will do what is best and we have full confidence in you. The basic lessons you have learned from us and from school assure us that you will find success in anything you do.

You have been a joy to us and I would confess I will be in tears when you leave us. My son Ryan, do take care of yourself.

Your Dad

Thanks Mom & Dad. I must have forgotten but I know now that no matter what I do with my life I have you both to lean on. I'm ready to be everything you both know I can achieve.

RyE On How Rye Met Steph

2010-10-26T11:18:00.004-04:00

Welcome to another new mini-series installment in my Blog.

It was first grade when I first met Stephanie. She was the smallest girl in class and I was the smallest boy in class. She had big thick glasses, big ears (sorry but hey you grew into them!). She wore her hair one way everyday. A little french braided pony tail that landed a little past the middle of her tiny back. She pulled it altogether with this hair piece that I always stared at. It had a tiny little Asian doll in the centerpiece with a butterfly in the background.

As I sat behind her everyday in class I always caught myself daydreaming staring into this hair piece. I never really knew why but every time she would turn around to pass me something the teacher was distributing she always caught me in a daze.

But I was in the first grade and I didn't even know what these feelings were about. Fast forward to the Fourth Grade. I decided to step up! We were on the second floor of the school building and began to change class rooms with the upper classes. (4-8th graders switch class and have different teachers for each class room). This was the first time I would walk the halls and see all my older cousins so I felt like a big man on campus! If I was going to tell Steph how I felt I was going to tell her this year!

......

Lets jump a lifetime back to the present. 1st grade was a LONG time ago for me. But I always remembered my first time seeing Steph. I don't recall though how we even got to the point where we were Rye & Steph for a good portion of our early lives. Then one day in 2009 I met up with Steph before she embarked on a new journey in life. She came with an envelope that simply said "Rye..." She told me to look at them when she left and so I waited till we said goodbye that night.

I opened up this bulky envelope and saw all these photos of us when we were kids and a bunch of folded up little pieces of papers. I opened up one and saw "To Steph..."

They were all my notes to her that I use to pass when we were in school together! Ironically she hit me up via text as I opened the first letter and said..."I hope you like your present. I wanted you to have these to remember us. I kept all the ones I wanted to keep :). Love you see you soon."

So here's how Rye Met Steph...(written verbatim)

10/26/1993
To Steph

If your wondering if I like you the answer is yes. I liked you ever since the first grade, I guess I kept it a secret till the forth (Editors note: I misspelled fourth) grade I think. The reason why I like is your sweet (bad grammar), nice, kind, funny & really cute, your also pretty. I got all my stuff for my costume I just don't have the mask. Does any one know about you & me, if so please tell me. (scratched out "Are you going as the same") Paul thinks I'm weird because I like you, what's his promblem (yea..I was a terrible speller) with you. My little cousin is going to be a white cat fo Halloween. Oh well I guess this is the part of the letter where you say good-bye. So goodbye =)

Ryan B
=)

PS. This is how you write my last name, "______" Please write back.

To be continued.

RyE On Big Blue

2010-10-26T01:06:00.004-04:00

Proof that Defense wins games... Victim #5

Tony Homo:

Result:

RyE On Life through Purple Colored Shades

2010-10-21T00:24:00.005-04:00

I had a particular interesting and rather heavy conversation this morning that started with "are you wearing purple?"

If you did not know, Oct 20, 2010 is wear purple day in honor of the recent suicide deaths of the young LGBT kids in the recent months. Purple symbolizes spirit on the LBGT flag. This notion of wearing purple today is to remind people that love...no matter the form...is greater than hate.

Due to the homophobic abuse these kids were so distraught over their lives they decided to end it. Nothing in this world is more sacred than your life. Nothing is more precious than what you bring to this world just by existing and so yes I believe in this cause. I did wear purple today.

But wearing purple is not what I'm talking about today. See the conversation started out with if I'm wearing something purple but the conversation went deeper than that. I understand I over think sometimes (prob the biggest understatement ever but HUSH). I also realize that topics on politics, social issues, and religion are generally not great topics to discuss with people because everyone has their own opinion.

I actually enjoy having these conversations simply because I love to hear opposing views. The problem is that my peers are generally....hmmm how should I say this nicely...not open? Fuck it...they are ignorant. Passionately ignorant though so I must give them credit. I think I can only talk to one individual about everything and even she won't talk to me about religion ha.

It's not so much that I care to talk about these things but I like to stimulate my brain and have deep conversations besides the "whats up how was your night/weekend/etc?" Unfortunately I don't talk about them because quite frankly no one really understands me. If we even share a common result I bet you that our process in how we got to that conclusion would differ and thus still cause us to debate. But you know what? Silence is boring. I don't think you have to agree with me. Hell I don't expect you to. What I hate is when people are so close minded they don't even take the other persons perspective into consideration.

I generally detach myself from my emotions when I discuss about certain topics. I like to do my research and learn as much as I can on issues in order to come up with my educated thoughts and opinions on the matter. What I would like to hear from others is maybe something I didn't know and let me find another way to see it. Problem is when I see your emotionally attached I sense a bit of biased and therefore I feel (again just my opinion) that it negates your argument.

(Editors note: this is where people will be offended) I'm not trying to be an asshole I swear but the majority of my friends are too stereotypical minority brainwashed. Everything becomes race...and everything becomes "I'm doing this for my people." So naturally anything that comes up with the slightest tinge of majority vs minority or race issues they always side with their people. Which hey, is what it is...nothing wrong with supporting your people. Where I'm offended is when they expect me to join their side. And if I don't then it's all of a sudden a crime and now I'm the proverbial Uncle Tom. Sorry guys...(Editors note: just an example)just cause some colored man was shot by white cops accidentally doesn't mean I'm going to say die pigs die and swear off all cops. I've had my fair share of run in's with the law where I've been treated unfairly but I also have cops in my family and know a lot of good white cops so it's not so cut and dry. Do I agree with what happened? Hell no! But I also cannot just start an anti white cop campaign.

I cannot blame nor ostracize a particular group because of the actions of a small group of individuals. Isn't that the very being of racism? Oh and let me just say this...there is no such thing as reverse racism. It's just racism pure and simple. Sadly, thoughts and actions are brought out by way of your environment and what you have been expose to all your life. And I know my friends just haven't exactly had the best situations put forth in front of them nor did they have the luxury of seeing all the cultures and things outside their "hood" so they go with what they know.

But I tell ya...there's these things that are out these days....they are called books...the internet..newspapers...all fun stuff that if you read through them you can educate yourself beyond your environment.

My other issue is supporting causes. I have certain things in my life that has affected me one way or another to be fully vested (emotionally and physically) to particular causes. I also like to think I have a pretty decent heart so more often than not I generally would do any type of charitable work that is for a good cause. Now because of that all my save the world friends expect me to bandwagon onto every cause out there. Again like I said even if we share the same conclusion doesn't mean we arrived to that point the same way. This is very important because it's what helps me separate what I stand behind and what I just support.

Just to clarify in my view, standing behind something is being a firm believer in the cause and wanting to help and push it to greater things. For support that would be similar to wanting to end world hunger and homelessness. Sure I want those to end but I'm not actively trying to figure out how to keep homeless people off the streets or be able to give food to every one in the world.

I don't name names but, I have a friend who literally signs up for every type of cause out there. Save the trees, whales, eagles, the closing of the old stamp house...... Support gays they are treated unfairly....Stop using the term midget it's not politically correct. All the while posting on twitter, fb, all these fun little notions. Again, not trying to be an asshole but while I commend your actions and wanting to save everyone and their mother...I honestly don't care enough for every cause. I can give two rats asses about whales and eagles or old buildings that I never even cared to go into. Does it really make me that bad of a person because I simply do not care enough to join your crusade?

I'll give you another example. We all know Haiti was hit hard this past year and everyone worldwide openly reached out to help. It was a beautiful sight to see humanity come together to help those during this unfortunate disaster. This personally affected me too because some of my best friends are from Haiti. So I, like many other people donated and went to benefits/happy hours for Haiti relief.

Then one individual decided to throw a happy hour as a means to show her ability to "raise awareness" and prove that she can put something together in the eyes of her peers. Nothing about what she did was for Haiti. It was all self orchestrated for her own benefits. The cause was a timely excuse and to me that pissed me off. I don't care if the end result was people donated and you were able to "help the cause." It should have been pure from the start if you wanted to really help. So naturally I boycotted this event despite the end game.

I know...I'm a handful. This probably doesn't help my cause to get more people to talk to me about things ha. But to me things aren't so black and white. I wish it was as cut and dry as that but I just see things through too many perspectives to just automatically side with you because of xyz. You can take it how you want but that's just me.

Silence is boring...so if you want to talk let me know. Maybe we can view things through my purple colored shades.

RyE On Superman

2010-10-20T10:24:00.004-04:00

A couple of weeks ago there was this Comic Con in NYC. Big day for all the comic "geeks" out there to meet the almighty Stan Lee. I don't have too many comic geek friends around me with the exception of one little lady. And while I don't necessarily call myself a comic geek in today's standards (simply because I don't really know anything current going on with comics) I am still a big comic book enthusiast.

I grew up collecting comic cards at first with my cousin Katherine. She use to take me to Mike's Comic book shop on Northern Blvd every Tues/Weds to get the latest issues and trading cards. I had a binder with plastic little slots for all my Marvel Superhero's. It was actually my first true hobby in life. The cards spun onto collecting comics and getting lost in the world of fantasy. I wasn't a big DC guy (Batman, Superman for all you non comic followers) but I definitely knew of their history. I was more a Marvel Guy and loved all the characters they had from X-Men, to The Avengers, Thor, Captain America, and most of all Spider-Man.

As a kid I spent evvvvery penny I had to buy my comic books. My collection was pretty thorough. Sadly I don't know if they are in great condition as they have been locked away in my parents garage for storage since before I left high school. Maybe I'll go pick it out and relive some of my past stories.

Comics were an escape for me as a kid. I grew a very special correlation to Spider-Man. Skinny little boy from Queens raised by his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Classic nerd in school picked on by bullies because he wasn't as big or as popular. However despite all the angst of childhood adolescents he still managed to be himself and get the girl next door (who just so happens to be smooooking ha). Oh yea and he gets bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes this super hero that sometimes get's in the way of his normal life...great stuff.

Point is that as an adult I still myself clinging onto these great fantasy worlds. I get excited when a Comic movie comes out. I try and see how true they are to the stories I read as a kid. I get upset when they don't follow it to a tee. I mentioned as a kid I was really into Spider-Man (still am) but as an adult I find myself more linked to Superman. Ironically enough a lot of my friends and family (not always in a good way) refer me to Superman. I always thought as a kid he was actually pretty lame because he was too powerful. I know he has Kryptonite but for the most part homey was invincible and nothing seemed too hard on the guy. I guess as a kid I couldn't relate to that so I was turned off by his cookie cutter mold.

However there is this show called Smallville that I have watched for the last 10 seasons (shhhhh). It tells the story of Clark Kent (I do hope you know who I am talking about) and how he turns into the legend we all know as Superman. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a comic fan but this series is awesome. Going into it's final 10th season it has stayed true (for the most part) to telling the story of Clark and not Superman. That meant no flying, no cape, and no reference to the name Superman.

This season is slightly different since it's the series finale. It's bringing everything full circle in order to lead up to that whole cape and flying Superman we all know today. This last episode really stood out for me as one of the best ones I saw. It was the turning point for Clark to realize his destiny to be the hero that we all know he will be. After watching this episode and the 9 seasons prior I realized that Superman did NOT have it that easy. That he struggled to balance this God like ability among humans which in turn made him all that more human.

I mentioned that those close to me sometimes refer me to Superman...or that I try too hard to be everything to everyone at all times. That is by default one of my many "downfalls." Not that it's so bad but I think it's taken its toll on me. I try to do everything the right way and be there for everyone without any thought or regard to my own. And by no means do I think that I regret anything or even would change it if I could. No everything I am today is because of what I have experienced in the past, right or wrong.

There was so many great things from this homecoming/flashback episode that I could relate to.

1) Embracing your fate:

Brainiac 5: Why won't you forgive yourself?
Clark: He didn't have a choice. He's my father, of course he'd sacrifice anything to protect me.
Brainiac 5: We always have a choice, Kal-El. Your father didn't have to care for you the way he did. Yet still he made that choice every day he was with you. He chose to be your protector. Just as you've chosen to be the Earth's protector. Nobody forced that on you, yet you embraced it. Nobody made that choice for you. We all chose our own fate.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have put the burden of my family onto my shoulders. I worry about not being able to live up to their expectations as a man to provide. Yet I know that they don't put this on me. It is I who chose to take this responsibility and I who embraces it. Knowing this now though I realize that it is up to me to decide on what I want to do with my life and how I see fit.

2) Perfection:

Brainiac 5: The darkness is the past. And you hold onto it and you dwell. You punish yourself and everyone around you for past mistakes.
Clark: I don't have the privilege of mistakes. Even if we don't expect perfection, the rest of the world does. You heard what they said.
Brainiac 5: Then help Oliver be who he can be. Today, tomorrow. Be there for him now, and stop punishing him for his past with your silence and your distance. Let it go.

This is a double edged sword for me. For one I strive for perfection because I felt like everyone around me expects it. And much like the dialogue I too hold onto my past mistakes in order not to go through them again. This is when it comes to anything, love, life choices, career choices. I guarded myself from these mistakes and only hurt myself and others in the process because I never let anyone in. As for the second part in which Brainiac is telling Clark to be Oliver's friend I can relate to that. When things don't go my way or I feel a certain disconnect in how my friends go about their life I tend to cut them off. I don't do anything but keep my distance. I never realized how doing that only hurt myself in the process.

3) Lois Lane or Lana Lang

Maddy: Wait. So, you're not hitched to Clark?
Lois: Not exactly.
Maddy: Are you engaged?
Lois: No.
Maddy: Oh. How long have you been seeing each other?
Lois: Well, we're... not, really. Right now.
Maddy: So, you're the moth, not the flame.

This is every comic boy geeks thing....THE GIRL! For Spider-Man/Peter Parker it was Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy. Jean Grey even had Wolverine or Cyclops. And Superman had Lana and Lois. The reality of finding your true love is always something that any person can relate to. In life you come across great people who at the time you may think is THE ONE but until your last day you never know who was the one. In comics it's pretty spelled out for you so it takes that air of mystery out.

In this scene it's funny because Lana Lang was Clark's first true love and Lois hasn't been revealed to be the one even though we all know that Lois and Clark are meant to be. As cheesy as it may seem I feel like I've met my Lana...I just need to find my Lois. Or maybe I already have and like this scene...she just doesn't know it yet. (Editors note: Lois is totally the flame ha)

4) Hero

TV Reporter: I think our audience would like some answers.
Oliver: I lost someone. She meant everything to me.
TV Reporter: So, for that you want, what, a merit badge and special rights?
Oliver: No. No, you're right, I'm not special. This isn't about who I am, it's about what I do. And--and I don't think I'm the first rich boy who felt that way. It was John F. Kennedy who once said, "Ask not who what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
TV Reporter: So now you're comparing yourself to a fallen hero of this country?
Oliver: Well, why not? He saw the hero in all of us. I'm not dwelling on revenge for past atrocities, or looking ahead to what I can gain from a few tax breaks. Drilling oil wells in the ocean, putting up razor wire fences to keep out immigrants who only want what our grandparents wanted. In this world of armchair bloggers who created a generation of critics instead of leaders, I'm actually doing something. Right here, right now, for the city. For my country. And I'm not doing it alone. You're damned right I'm a hero.

I love the last lines. I firmly believe that there are too many talkers out there in this world. Too many people speaking their minds and not doing anything to back it up. I'm not much of a talker (despite this blog). I don't like tooting my own horn and expecting a parade for my accolades. I just want to do. And I want to do right. I need to embrace the fact that I am everything that I know I can be. I am a leader. It's proven and its a fact that in every situation I take that role. I'm not going to shy away from it because I'm afraid of what others think. And instead of feeling like my abilities will overshadow others I'm going to inspire people to do the same. To challenge me to be a better person so that I'm not alone in leaving my mark on this world.

Clark: I guess you're right. I've been so buried by the mistakes of my past, so worried about the responsibilities of the future, I lost sight of the present.
Brainiac 5: A hero is made in the moment. Not from questioning the past or fearing what's to come.

RyE On The Cypher

2010-10-15T08:45:00.001-04:00

Too many Urkel's on your team that's why your Wins-LOW!

[Kanye West]
Uh, Good music, this our year
backing drums by DJ Premier
now let me count it down, who the f-ck up in here
Common, Don, Old G, battle rap, oh
that n-ggas know you can’t really f-ck with that
Pusha T, the Clipse just made a classic
Good music together we too Jurassic, you stay plastic

Ramadan with the flow, guaranteed everyone fasting
Big Sean is a don
Cyhi da Prince
why you so nervous dog stop being tense
if you aint talking bout Rash we aint got nothing in common
f-ck that and thats just common sense what the

[Pusha T]
Came in the game, 8 years prior
8 years later, your mans on fire
My Book of Eli, to all my subscribers
play the two doors, street car named desire
came in Grindin’, Ye’ came throught the wire
but at the crossroads, Bone thugs inspired
1st of the month, Trump to the buyers
rent too paid on the coupe you been fired
smooth criminal, no prior’s
man in the mirror, check no liar
still like that butterfly like Mariah
show me the money the black Jerry MaGuire
Tom Cruise on that couch if that money right
West Hollywood feels like a bunny night
with GOOD company and better jewelers
to the Good Life, we GOOD music

[Big Sean]
Man, I wake up to a wet dream
every day’s a Friday and every nights a sex scene
every week is fashion week and every day I’m pressed clean
Detroit’s Angel, I even got red wings
I’m headed to the ball, me and three prom queens
my life’s prom night and guess who’s the Prom King
they having a kissing fight and I’m Don King
everybody know I’m coming soon like LeBron’s ring
I’m Big L, Notorious, Big Pun, Shawn Carter, Sean Combs and Connery all in one
whoever told you sky’s the limit is looking dumb
cause I’m 22 and I’m moonwalking on the sun
oh thats your girl
she feelin on my water right next to a couple boaters
and she tryna motor boat her and im coming from the w-w-westside of the Motor
you might find banana clips ’cause it’s Guerilla warfare
last year I was watching this from the couch and now I’m here
thats to let you know what I’m about
reaper black suit cuz my whole team’s killing
had to keep setting trends cuz your whole team stealin
many tell me I’m the man I aint made it yet
tell me who the baddest, I’ll see if i see them naked yet
won’t stop til I get that Mercedes 700 CLK and Mercedes aint made it yet

[Cyhi Da Prince]
I’m Mr Got bread like Quizno’s
better known as MJ with the big nose
I swear your artist couldn’t see me on his tip toes
only on TV I gotta take a quick pose
let me stop I forgot this was a big show
and being dope made you broke I aint piss poor
I’m big poppa plus I’m 2pacalypto
my mind is a weapon what I need to pop a clip for
huh, I’m doing this for hip hop
Im coming after you, him and his spot
still tied to the streets like a ish knot
aint nothing fake, I’m not a Rolly with a tick tock
Atlanta repper in the home of the yankees
Rose wood suit on with the hanky
I got rich from the zones of the stanky
so everybody know my money long, lanky!
so I’m flexible stretching out my decimel’s
switching up the flow got the crowd going testicles
can’t bleep it out cuz there wasn’t nothing sexual
I’m blowing loud, somebody check the decibels
I’m impeccable they put me on the pedestal
and if you bite me, it’s good for you like a vegatable
shows by the several, schedule full of festivals
and if I ever do time than you know its federal
uh, incredible, yeah

[Common]
F-f-fam fam fam I’ma monster too
you don’t see I do things that the monsters do
the incomparable, remarkable, articles
about my audio technique, my technique
I recognise games like the ESPY’s
cold to myself I say God Bless me the truth
so I speak live and directly
you, I will set free my mic is where my check be
rah, I echo, I echo, I echo, the sounds of the ghetto, future of the retro
prolly in the metro just so I can get dough
the name is Common but the frame is special
leave requested from the years I’ve invested
arrested, develop, addressed it, envelope
the body of the black party from Farley to Bob Marley
go home or go hard, at home is life hardly

[Kanye West]
the plan was to drink till the pain over
what’s worse, the pain or the hangover?
fresh air rolling down the window
too many urkels on your team thats why your Winslow
I sold my soul to the devil thats a crappy deal
least it came with a few toys like a happy meal
this game you could never win
cause they love you then they hate you then they love you again
get away from me loniless
get away from me misery
get away from me fake sh-t, I can’t take the phoniness
get away from me wack tracks
I can only make only hits
I’m an only child lost in the World
where did the lonely kids go when the bell ring
feeling like hell rings
bringing me back down
checking my background
its ironic whats happening
imagine if I didn’t have the ends
I would’nt have so many imaginary friends
I’m spaced out Dog, I be on that Moon talk
wonder if God ask Mike how to moon walk
I swear to momma wish me and my father talk more
Thats that vision around the time I was a sophmore
I guess everything I hate about me I see in him
and I aint finna change, so we’ll never agree again
just a few things pouring out my soul
Rosewood we could se her with our eyes closed

RyE On Caught Up

2010-10-15T01:18:00.003-04:00

RyE On The Life & Times

2010-10-08T07:37:00.004-04:00

When people describe this young man he is often described as a man of few words but with an open heart. His actions generally do the talking and his ability to show his honesty through his body of work has always shined. On the brink of success has been the tidal wave in which he always rode on. Pushing forward without looking back and through it all no one ever saw the dark holes and deprived attention he admittedly felt he should have had.

A somewhat volatile year(s) for a man struggling with inner peace and enough war inside of him to send him to the deep end. Now through all the trials and tribulations he is setting forth to reclaim a life he not only wants but he rightfully deserves.

Your a bit of a conundrum if I must say so myself. You tend to say your this or that and then go out and speak out against the very thing you claim you are. What is that?

Ha. Way to get this started. Yea I know that sounds like I'm a hypocrite. And honestly I'll admit I am. I like to speak my mind. I speak my mind better when I remove myself from the situation as opposed to being in the situation. It gives me a better sense of clarity. So often what I do for myself is not always the best thing for everyone else. I only know how to live my life the way I see it. And I don't know how to tell someone else to live theirs. I get paranoid at the responsibility of always living up to everyone's expectations. To be the best whatever...son, brother, cousin, friend, lover, employee, role model, its a trip to play all those parts to a tee! So when I do things I only know that I do it for me and hope it works but when someone asks for my opinion or looks to me like I'm a role model I'm like whoa whoa whoa. Hold up....lets not put me on any type of hot shit pedestal.

And speaking your mind...well that hasn't always been a good or necessarily a bad thing has it?

Not at all. Look I know I'm a calculated motherfucker. The shit I'm saying now is calculated but I am being honest as well. It's up to you to decide on what you want to take from this. When I say how I feel I say it because I'm passionate about it. But I also know that sometimes people aren't always going to agree with me and that's ok. I honestly don't care if 98% of the world says I'm an asshole because of what I say. I got a solid 2% of people that know I've been eating humble pie all my life and that trumps the rest of the world.

So then tell me why do you get so upset about all those people who are always "speaking their mind and keeping it real"

That keeping it real phrase is the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I seriously think its a cop out phrase that allows idiots and too quick tounged individuals to just say whatever the fuck they want and stamp it with a "I'm just keeping it real" as to justify their words. I told you I'm a calculated individual. Words have a lot of meaning. America is built on the freedom of speech but we are probably one of the strictest nations in censorship compared to other countries. And the problem is people just like to talk with no sense of responsibility. They say shit without thinking about the consequences of their words. Look at the tragedies in the last several years with bullying and hate. People go out and just kill themselves or harm others and its fucked up. But that's the big picture. That shit needs to stop without a doubt. I think what you are trying to get at are the people that I surround myself in. Well yea those fuckers just love to talk for the sake of talking. I don't get into it so I just ignore their lame ass. But I will say this...there's a difference between "keeping it real" and being two seconds shy of a slap across your face.

You have a history of anger management issues correct.

Did I not just threaten someone? Ha. Yes. Yes I do.

Want to expand more on it?

Not really. Only because I don't know why I have them.

You mentioned that it is the one aspect about yourself that terrifies you the most.

Sure it does. Because I have no control over it. First and foremost let me just say I have never ever ever ever hit a woman. My anger issues are internal. The way they manifest goes back to what I said earlier about words. That's why I'm calculated. Because I have a very difficult time holding back on how I feel. And I've hurt a lot of people in my life through my words. Sometimes the words did translate into physical violence. I would get into fights, punch back, start shit and that's when people started to say "hey man you need to take control of this." I was a reckless kid. Growing up I was always the small dude in the class so maybe I had this complex where I felt the need to prove something of myself to the others because I wasn't as tall or built like them.

And so you went through anger management..

Twice. Once in high school because I was going through dumbass shit over a girl ha. And again in college due to a misdemeanor. But did that... and my record is as clean as a whistle!

Yet you still struggle with that concept.

I struggle with control. Control is a dangerous feeling. It's almost an addiction. I grew up with no control. Over my health, over my decisions and over everyone in my family because I was one of the youngest ones. Then one day I got control over my health. I started being self reliant and it felt like for the first time I was alive. It changed everything for me. I started to associate control with living. So long as I had control I was living the life I wanted and that's all that mattered. Problem was that I can't control everything in life. And it's only recently now that I've come to learn that and make necessary changes in order to live a better life.

And that brings us to where you are today. It seems like in the last three years you haven't been in control. You have had multiple hospital stints, rare public outbursts, seclusion, hidden affairs, insomnia, a possible medication dependency and even rumors of a depression.

To be continued.

RyE On Getting Lonely Too

2010-10-06T00:19:00.003-04:00

RyE On A Summer Love Affair

2010-10-01T10:26:00.003-04:00

The End of Summer is always bittersweet for me. I love the fall (maybe cuz I was born in this season) but I get sad with the "end". I am about to confess something. I have had a summer love affair for several years. Its a very seasonal relationship. I drive to visit in April to see her beauty shaping up for the summer. I prep it all out to see her new surroundings for when I come to see her.

And I must confess besides my family no one ever knew her except me for the longest time. I kept her a secret to the world around me because she was just too beautiful and pure. I did not want to share it. But as we grew up and life started to push us into other directions I realized that my secret wouldn't be much of a secret too long.

So eventually she met my closest friends. My boys met her and I knew from the start they too would come to find out the beauty I saw in her. Instantly they were hooked and it felt great to be able to share her with more people in my world.

The love affair would continue to blossom over time. I never disrespected her but we always knew that summertime would end and so our relationship must end as well. Distance and the cold just don't mix for us although we did try to make it work.

Its funny that up until these last recent years I was always somehow single in the summertime to rekindle our relationship and explore it so honestly with no trappings or faults of the place I leave behind when I saw her. But I noticed that as years went by she matured and more people started to recognize her and what was my secret was eventually going to be exposed.

I took it in stride and I remember bringing an end to that summer knowing the next and sequential summers would no longer just be us. It was 06 and I had a gf at the time. I didn't bring her around to see my summer love till the summer was over. But she was great and showed my gf all the wonderful things about herself that I see, much like she did for my boys. And so my gf came the next two years afterwards and life really started to come between me and my summer love. That's when things started to change.

See she has always been my outlet from the world which is why I never wanted to bring my world to her. Only to a select few and even those individuals I didn't want them to fully know her. There was always one person though in my life that I wanted her to meet. A kindred soul of mine that I felt could give my friend the escape I got when being with her. Then one day last year that day came. And man what a wirldwind of change life has been.

This summer I shared my summer love affair with my world. We spent countless weekends and long holidays together. I saw new things and experienced new feelings for you all with company. And it felt good....amazingly good. For all the storms we weathered through. The starlight gazing and sunsets. The fire pits and dancing at the spot. The local bands we would share and listen to along with endless wandering. Learning how to surf and allowing the genesis of love from others to spur. Yes there was some heartache but my summer love will always be my outlet, my haven and I will miss you till we see each other again.

Till next summer my love. Take care M.T.K

RyE On The Good Life

2010-10-01T08:58:00.005-04:00

Please excuse me I am about to verbally vomit.

A friend of mine who actually inspired me to get into this blog world after many failed attempts of trying to get me hooked on internet social places brought up a point to me. I am too private to really cater to this world yet hypocritical enough to not want to sit on the sideline and not be apart of it. So I join. I get into things and then I lose passion in it till I can find change. I don't really think I'm a blogger. I find myself just typing shit out and seeing how it sticks. She said that I blog the way she used to blog. Meaning it was only when major things were going on that she would write. Too emotional. She said you know what changed me? I said no what? And she replied you!

Naturally that got me thinking. I have a world of talent and an ability to (good or bad) influence folks. Don't believe me just ask her ha. My problem is that for all my attributes I downplay them because I'm scared. I'm scared of what I can do and scared of knowing I can attain anything in this life. Because what if I fail? I'm scared to admit when I know I am right. I'm scared to admit that I can tell my friends to reach for the heavens and push them to better themselves but I can't tell myself that. Because what if I fail? I have lived my life on sacrifices for others. My friends and family members alike. I find my happiness in their success and joy. I admit I don't reflect enough on my own but I push myself to get to where I am today. I did everything by the book.

Went to school...graduated....college....graduated....internships to get ahead....job right out of school..worked up the ranks FAST...saved...bought a place I can call home. Not bad for a 20 something kid out of Queens huh? Only problem is that while some see that as success I see it as a path to someone else's dreams. I did it all for others and I'm here literally bleeding out my life just to regain sense of what makes me live.

See nothing about what I did was about me to the core. I did what people EXPECTED of me to do. I am the other prodigal son. All the titles and awards I ranked up. The high salary and praise at an early age means nothing to me as I feel empty inside.

Life is not measured on success and failure. I think its made up of life choices and how you define yourself in those choices, good bad or indifferent is what makes life worth living. Failure means trying. If you are too scared to try you will never live. And I? Want to live. I want to be happy. And I will do that selfishly because if failure is to living well then I am not afraid to fail.

I hope you can see it in me. I want to live The Good Life.

RyE on G.O.O.D Friday

2010-09-16T00:46:00.001-04:00

RyE On The Last Page

2010-09-03T02:31:00.002-04:00

I tried.

Simplemente no lo entiendo
¿Por qué huyes de un hombre bueno, nena
¿Por qué quieres dar la espalda en el amor
¿Por qué usted ya ha renunciado a
Ver Sé que usted ha sido lastimado antes
Pero te juro que voy a dar mucho más
Juro que nunca te fallaré
Porque te juro que te adoro
Y no puedo ayudarme a mí mismo, nena
Porque yo pienso en ti constantemente
Y mi corazón no consigue ningún resto más de usted, usted, sí

Puedes llamarme egoísta
Pero todo lo que quiero es tu amor
Puedes llamarme desesperado, bebé
Porque yo estoy perdidamente enamorado
Puedes llamarme imperfecto
Pero, ¿quién es perfecto?
Dime, ¿qué tengo que hacer
Para demostrar que soy el único para ti
¿Qué tiene de malo ser egoístas

Voy a estar ocupando su tiempo
Hasta el día en que te das cuenta de que
Que para ti no podía haber nadie más
Acabo de conseguir que usted tiene para mí
Baby I tendría buen cuidado de usted
No importa lo que es pasar por su
Voy a estar allí para usted cuando usted está en necesidad
Bebé de creer en mí
Porque si el amor es un crimen sí
Entonces me castigue
Yo moriría por ti
Porque yo no quiero vivir sin ti
¿Qué puedo hacer, oh

Puedes llamarme egoísta
Pero todo lo que quiero es tu amor
Puedes llamarme bebé sin esperanza
Porque yo estoy perdidamente enamorado
Puedes llamarme imperfecto
Pero, ¿quién es perfecto
Dime, ¿qué tengo que hacer
Para demostrar que soy el único para ti
¿Qué tiene de malo ser egoístas

¿Por qué nos separe
¿Por qué no le dará su corazón
Usted sabe que fueron hechos para estar juntos

¿Por qué me rechazas
Todo lo que quiero es darte amor
Por siempre y siempre y siempre

Puedes llamarme egoísta
Pero todo lo que quiero es tu amor
Puedes llamarme bebé sin esperanza
Porque yo estoy perdidamente enamorado
Puedes llamarme imperfecto
Pero, ¿quién es perfecto
Dime, ¿qué tengo que hacer
Para demostrar que soy el único para ti
¿Qué tiene de malo ser egoístas

Egoístamente estoy enamorado de ti
Porque he buscado mi alma
Y sé que es verdad

Egoístamente estoy enamorado de ti
Porque he buscado mi alma
Y sé que eres tú

Egoístamente estoy enamorado de ti
Porque he buscado mi alma
Y sé que eres tú

Para demostrar que soy el único para ti
¿Qué tiene de malo ser egoístas egoístas egoístas
Entonces, ¿qué tiene de malo ser egoístas

RyE On Monsters

2010-08-28T02:25:00.005-04:00

RyE On A Diary Page

2010-07-28T00:25:00.003-04:00

How does one fall in love with their soul?

I took a page out of my diary to write an open letter to my soul...my beautiful soul.

If I told you I wanted to talk to you I think people... you know... would think its kind of funny. I mean we one in the same right? For better or for worse you spelled it out to me we in this together forever. And we both know we've been through our ups and our downs this year. Wish we didn't have any downs but that's just not how life works is it? Ha, ain't that funny....I'm wishing. Something I said I don't normally believe in. Guess you really are starting to make me into a better man. And why wouldn't you. I mean you know me better than I know myself. You know me better than any girlfriend I ever had. Any friend or family member I have because you simply see all that is me. The good, the bad, the strong, but most importantly the weaknesses, the insecurities and the fears and doubts I hide from others. You are exposed to all of that. No walls. No barriers. Just me. All of me.

And on the flip side you have been the courage for me to make tough decisions. The support when I doubted myself. The ever constant fan in the stands cheering me on. The believer in my abilities to take them to places I can't see. You do all that with such flare. A Southern hospitality take on life that only the biggest city in the world can contain.

But lately I feel even the biggest city in the world may not contain you. And you are too big for even me to selfishly keep. But before you leave can you please hear me out?

I guess I never got the chance to really express myself the way I wanted to. Yes we had our moments where I tried to lay it all out there for you. Sometimes your approach on life to write feelings down really is the best way. I just wanted to be raw with my emotions and let you see the love and the pain. For all the things you do for me I hope I could return it 10 fold. You are a part of me as I am to you so we unfortunately share the same habits and pride to "fix everything;" to "be the solid rock" for our loved ones; to show no weaknesses.

For making me realize what LIFE is all about. For showing me what LIFE should be all about. For giving me a LIFE worth living. I love you. I'm in love with you. I love even your mere presence in my life. But you had a life before mine ever intertwined with you and I realize your love for me is not the same. I understand you brought all that to others before me. And the past is something that is still relevant to the present. Ironically I feel like I'm in a race against the past but I'm the one who is a couple steps behind. And so I sit here and try to figure out what I can do to make you my past present and future?

See all I want is to be relevant. Just tell me that I ever meant anything more. That you could see past just the physical. See me in a different light in the brightest of all rooms. To stand out amongst the crowd and shine light on even your dark days.

I need you to live yet you can bring life to someone else. And I feel you slipping away with every breath that I take. Make another man feel all the things I already feel. To fill the void that I can't fill. Not that I can't but you won't let me fill. And regardless of the allegiance to me or not, my love, my soul, you gon' shine anyway. But I'd like to be the right allegiance to you. To tell you there's no one other than me that can complete you. Yet I never want to cloud my intentions to be, with intentions to impress hoping it could materialize into something else.

I just want to channel my feelings the way you do to me to know that I could have brought a better you. It's still a mystery how you see everything I am and not see past my physical. If I could I would steal your love and hope for a life sentence with no key to release. They say its better to have loved than not loved...but I never felt yours. So I'd rather lose love than move on. Because without you I'm just incomplete.

You smiled, you spoke and I believed,
By every word and smile- deceived.

Another man would hope no more;
Nor hope I- what I hoped before.

But let not this last wish be vain;
Deceive, deceive me once again!
-Walter Savage Landor

RyE On The Fear

2010-06-17T22:45:00.002-04:00

Inspired by Fear

I think they call this venting...

Look this is me, still the same
They want to hate, I'll play the game
No scars but you can see the pain
It all comes spilling out like it hit a vein

What up JR..what up TC,
I hope ya'll know you the reason I am here still,
The "fans" chat thinking I signed for one mill, duh
Equal opportunities feeling slightly unreal huh

That ain't how it works, that it ain't how it goes
So I be getting high while you balance out the lows
And I could use a mentor just to balance out my life-flows
But I never share my thoughts this is all this nigga knows

But every time I try, I open up my eyes
This is my chance to be remembered and reprised
And I'll be going hard long as I'm alive
So every piece of success I know is mine

Don't take this the wrong way but um...

I don't give a fuck what "Ya'll" do
But "Ya'll" probably will what I do
And if my name hold value
I will drop every bit of ounce of it on you

So go sob and make your own puddle
I try to stay away from shit that can land me in some trouble
But I'ma keep it honest I'm so tired of being subtle
It's just me, suspects and the hive standing in a huddle

Starin at the members of my team
Who get questioned about my Machiavelli scheme
Just know I got you all for defending up this dream
And they just hating cause it really is what it seems

Know that your the reason for my devotion
I put in work cuz putting out is worthless
And I know I pop off cuz I bottle up my emotions
So this is me putting it out in the open...

I just don't understand why you care...but you got my attention...(sigh)

Look fuck all Ya'll, I ignore feelings here
Your premature decisions ushered in my realest year
And I swear while I'm here I'ma make a killing here
I should be at the top of the world just chillin here

Ain't it funny how it panned?
They didn't even care to find you to give you up a chance
You built yourself up to be the biggest in the game
And realize when you ain't there sometimes the shit don't feel the same

So start your babysitting deal at home
Your people talking just cuz my appeal has grown
I wonder how many of them follow me everywhere I go
Guess I'm never really alone, I just now feel at home

I use to be scared of what the future holds
I was wishing I never was exposed now I'm getting use to those
Everyone I meet wants to get a piece of me like a groupie hoe
The honesty in my delivery got me this I suppose

Your crew is acting like my new crowd
They can account for every time I do smile
Success can come few and far between
I still wish you the best but right now I'm living out what you would call a dream

I'll admit you not messaging me is kinda messing with me
Thought we were boys till you started hating on me
I reached out you just wasn't feeling me
I hope this ain't one of those forever things
Just know this wasn't a power thing
It was simply me doing MY THING

Don't believe the lie...You know I was never caught up in the Hype ;)

RyE On....Hiatus

2010-06-14T10:28:00.002-04:00

Time to change it up....No more dark skies.

Got to LIVE

RyE On Hating Fat Girls

2010-05-07T21:33:00.002-04:00

Ok maybe hate is a strong word...but right now I strongly dislike you! lol

Had a traumatizing experience on the train today. Probably top 5 worst experiences on the train...yep def up there.

So the train ride was so packed that basically if I was standing I could either

A) Impregnate someone
B) Get raped

THANKFULLY I had a seat. Or so I thought. Because it was so packed I had the privilege of having Super Fat stand in front of me

No joke she was probably this big. Now lets get a couple of things straight. Ladies...Ladies...laaaaadies (sigh) if you know you got some extra dinner rolls hanging around you spandex is not your friend. And just because the weather is getting better....a tank top with your bottom muffin top sticking out isn't a good look.

So back to the story... there I was dozing off as I normally do...

...when all of a sudden SMACK! The train must have hit the brake pads abruptly because that fat woman's belly straight up upper cut me! She didn't look like she could keep it together either and I swore she was going to fall on me I thought this was going to happen to me...

So my natural reaction was....

Next time I'll try to stay awake on the train.... =)

RyE on Two Years Gone: The Real

2010-05-03T23:26:00.004-04:00

Editors Note:The second entry of my first mini series on this blog entitled Two Years Gone. Again this is in no particular order during that time period but more thoughts and things I felt during that time. This piece is inspired by The Real

Why do I feel all alone
I got a girl and yet she act like she don't know my role
Acting out of character this ain't the girl I know
Talking bullshit as if it was for me to prove and show
But I don't got the heart to give this bitch the cue to go
So she sticks around kicking feedback
And I entertain it as if I need that
I had a talk with my friend and I agreed that
This girl offers nothing to give back
Heartache & pain despite my polite flows
And this is only my point of view so don't think my mind closed
I still got a pair of her night clothes
And the last thing she wore I call them fight clothes
Eyes swollen from the tears this chapters closed
Life was so full now shit is just lipoed
Always said I'll say it all on the right track
But we was bound to lose every time I fight back
I couldn't keep my mouth shut I had to tell you basics
Like how you think everything I am is nothing but a diss
My cocky demeanor ain't something you gon miss
Seal it with a kiss cause you will always be a Miss
When I stand atop of greatness
Don't forget the moment you began to doubt
Should have listened to the fam you was always on the out
Claire the air...nothing but a big mouth
Act like I'm an embarrassment to take out
My mother should be embarrassed that I tried to put out
But I never took it down
Cuz a stripper took it down
But I don't feel the need to wear disguises all around
Asking where my mind is and all I see is minus
And I promise this your highness
You are part of my colitis
Congratulations now you timeless
So I'll do this on my own
Cause I can't continue on
While this next girl is tryna make you my ex girl
So she can be my new girl but she forgot she someone else girl
And I ain't tryna fuck around right now
Shit could get weird if things start going down
So I stay clear like it's a small town
And everybody talks and everybody listens
But somehow the truth always comes up missing
This industry has a way of making something out of nothing
Especially when you give them nothing to be discussing
Everybody asking "What you know about Rye?"
"Who you with?" I give them no reply
A year ago you didn't pass up on him
Attracted to my accolades I gassed up on them
Now hes a prick nothing but trash up on him
No surprise you never gave up ass on him
But you tried to
Till you thought something I was spitting was inside you
Fuck around got my head swirling like a...damn

Make me change however you decide to
Nah, TC told me to do me
And don't listen to Baby that knew me
Cause to have known me would mean there's a new me
And if you think I change in the slightest you could have fooled me
I come back to drop a double nickle on my city like the 2-3
I'm just not the affectionate type to me that shit is crazy
And you knew that from before don't try to play me
See I can get a hunny with my eyes closed
And I'm about to take a trip to Toronto
Where hunnies do more than just the side po'...
Fuck them they sell themselves short to every motherfucker I know
But to me you know I never will
Cause I could do better still
Back home keep your searches
Cause my style got my ass up on a pedestal
And they tell me there are bigger fish to kill
And I'm waiting for that best you ever had feel
Problem with you was...I was just too real

RyE On Two Years Gone: The Calm

2010-04-30T13:41:00.005-04:00

Editors Note: I mentioned in a few blogs back (RyEBlogs 4.8.10) that I would dispel a couple of things that I have gone through during some of the most private times of my life. They were private because well...I couldn't exactly be open about certain things due to the circumstances. So this will be my first mini series on this blog that I will title Two Years Gone. This is in no particular order during that time period but more thoughts and things I felt during that time. This piece is inspired by The Calm

I'm so far gone

November's Own

Please don't leave me alone

Drunk off stress screaming all alone

My family is my home

What the fuck is going on

Why did we go wrong

I feel like I don't belong

Caught up in this life and it's one I can't postpone

Meanin if it rains, I'm the one it's raining on

When the plan is moving on I still got nothing set in stone

Women come and by, yet nothing I can claim my own

And tell me don't be mad I promise that I won't

Feelin so distant from everyone I've known

To make everybody happy I think I need a clone

Compliments be thrown

Still nothing to be shown

I've done more for my people than they could have ever known

I am only twentysuntin yet look at how I'm grown

You can say I'm in the zone

I call this shit the calm, yeah

But I'm the furthest thing from calm

Dedicate this to my mom and I swear my word is bond

Everything will be ok and it won't even take that long

You can see it in my face or even read it on my palm

Destined to lead its proven and it's known

Can't sit idle even if I got the throne

I know you like to worry but it'll be better if you don't cause...

Everything will be alright...I apologize for venting like this...you probably wishing it was a little more straight forward but..you know.. gotta take it how you get sometimes..roll with the punches..and um yea so uh

And life is so insane

Look what I've became

Tryna make a name

Yet I don't know if I want the fame

Because every picture taken is something to explain

Whose the girl you datin and can I get her name?

It's a curse you gotta live with when you are critically acclaimed

I am not here to entertain when my privacy is all I try to retain

Nosey people got nothing better than to complain

And to my two year relationship you are the ones to blame

Not taking anything off myself I wish we knew just how heavy this really weighed

It's a weight that's on my chest whoever said it could be the same

So I'm liftin all alone try not to get a sprain

New chick old chick give dirty exchange

Cause I moved on, got me feeling all guilty & ashamed

Like how I got to this was all pre-arranged

And I'm payin for my sins with some dollars and some change

Damn if you could only feel my pain

Cause my positive ability to keep everything in+sane

Is making me head back to the pharmacy once again

They say they love me but I hope it's not in vain

Carolina's heart is all up and restrained

Call her heartbreak ugh she the hardest one to tame

As a man I'm just honest

To my name I am a King

With a million and one problems still sitting on my brain

Yet you won't see a thang no I act like it ain't a thang

Hold my head up high yea and see this is the thing

What they view as bragging is the way that I maintain

It's the single reason I remain...me

I call this shit the calm...but I'm the furthest thing from calm

RyE On Branding

2010-04-27T21:23:00.008-04:00

The following excerpts are from GQ Magazines Article in the March 2010 issue entitled: "Meet the Happy New Me, Same as the Crappy Old Me"

"'COCA-COLA' said the account executive, "owns Happiness'" I was freelance copywriting for Satan at an Advertising Agency in New York City. I prefer writing fiction and occasional journalism but the Dark Lord pays well and there's free coffee on the twenty third floor. The downside is the whole spiritual-death/rotting-from-the-inside-out thing, but I do get a front row seat to the downfall of Western civilization.

"They own it?" I asked. She nodded. She seemed proud of Coca-Cola and proud of herself for being proud of them. "They've owned it," she added, "for a hundred years."

Branding, as this is known, has been around for some time now. By creating a positive "personality" for their products- youthful, happy, caring, hip-marketers don't have to worry about selling products on their merits. They new adolescent-targeting body sprays- Hung scent, or Throbbing, or whatever it is-aren't much different from any other overly perfumed delousing agent so they create a personality to which their intended consumer can relate - in this case a teenager so desperate and lonely that he's willing to believe a $3 can of spray will turn women into the insatiable, gag reflexless vixens from the violent pornography upon which he subsists.

If Starbucks sat down next to you at a bar and said "Hi, I sell sub par coffee from Third World nations to desperate Western conformists," you'd probably call for your check. But if Starbucks said, "Hi I donate a portion of my bottled water profits to helping children get clean water," you might buy Starbucks a drink. You might introduce Starbucks to your friends and tell them how cool he is. That's branding. It's not clever, but it works.

Me, I own Misery. The world gets to me, it just does. I know it shouldn't but Christ on a shitstick, what a fucking mess. Maybe they showed me too many Holocaust films when I was a kid. Maybe I've read too many blogs. Many it's just the result of working in advertising for ten years: I've seen too much, I know too much. I know what corporations think of your worse, I've seen you in focus groups, proving them right. I know they can prove, quantitatively, that balloons printed with the names of prescription drugs lead people to ask their doctors for those very same drugs. I know that putting the name of a laundry detergent on the hood of a race car that drives around in circles all Sunday afternoon predisposes people to buying that laundry detergent. I know too much. I'm in too deep. I need that Men in Black memory eraser thing on a rope beside the front door of my house so I can zap myself every night before going inside.

I'm miserable. I'm down. I'm unCoke.

The article continues to discuss how the author tries to change his "self brand." I've been doing a lot of things lately both in and out of work. But the consistent thing has always been branding. Starting my own organization has not been an easy task and branding it and giving it an identity has been even more challenging. The classes are going well and I'm learning everything I need to know about doing what I need to do to get this up and running in a year (despite my business model being rolled out in 2 years).

At my current job its all about branding and rebranding (cough Rethink Possible cough). I can relate to the article and I too wish I could erase everything I know because I can't look at anything anymore without seeing its marketing tools and strategies. It really is the devil. It has corrupted me and I can't change what I know.

As we go through evaluations they have implemented the whole "create your self brand." I'm so over that word it makes me sick. And yet (as I promised I would to everyone around me) I would give myself till Q1 and if nothing changed then I will change. And that I have. Since April I have been submitting my resume for several Brand Manager positions from ESPN, to Google (because they are taking over the world), to Heineken (heck maybe I can drink all day to get the creative juices flowing), to even Nike in Seattle. Why go for brand manager positions you ask? Well because I can't turn back the hands of time.

Truth be told everything about how you carry yourself, to how you talk, to the style of clothes you wear you create, subconsciously or not, a brand. There are things I purposely do because I know it will get my brand out there. I also know there are certain things I don't allow to be known so I can maintain my brand image.

And here's the moral of the story boys and girls. Having a brand that you can call your own is not a bad thing. You might call it an "identity." Where it can eat you up is if you try to let it consume you with every decision you make. There are going to be people out there who try and sway you to be one way or the other. Or question your decisions. Fuck them. Do you. And to say that your brand is finite is a lie. Just like other brands you might have to re-brand yourself and that's O-K. I'm sure you wouldn't say that the same person you were at 14 is the same person you are at 24. Or even 20 vs 30. Life alters your brand and you can't control everything about it.

I'm currently in a re-branding stage myself. Setting goals I've always wanted to accomplish. Putting myself in a situation where my worth is valued both monetary and respect wise. And as for professionally and personally I have eliminated those I see as nothing but value wasted or non value added assets in my life.

I have learned I cannot carry everyone's burden on my back. I can't be so loyal that I'm blind to the fact that I'm devaluing myself. I knew it was over when I was counting down the days for me to put myself back on the market. And when I did it was a humbling experience. But the experience also led me to realize I need that hunger back. The hunger to challenge myself and to prove myself all over again. Some would rather sit back and be complacent in their role. I can't do that. The minute I become unchallenged that's when I know it is time to turn the lights off and close the chapter on this book.

I've also distanced myself from people who needed me their entire life and it actually feels good. Don't get me wrong, I don't like that I'm doing this, because it hurts feelings of people I do genuinely care about, but it's best for everyone involved. With everything going on in my life I don't have the time anymore to deal with the same old songs. The whining and complaining. The nagging and the "I wish I could have this..or If I had a chance I would..." I hate talkers. As much as I can I try to not talk about what I want or what I am going to do. I just do. (sorry Nike...no cheap plugs for you!) Pussyfooting ain't gonna get you anywhere.

So with that said I look to a new brand. One that is more balanced, healthier, wiser, and one that brings back the fun and joy I had when life wasn't always so complicated. I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead. The wheels are in motion and it's only a matter of time when goodbyes are said and hello to a whole new set of people/things...till the next re-branding!

RyE On Airplanes

2010-04-20T18:14:00.003-04:00

RyE On What I Wanted to Say...

2010-04-17T11:35:00.002-04:00

So it's been a week or two since Lent has come and gone. I gave up FB for lent but made a conscience decision to try not to go back after lent. So far so good but I do miss that outlet to see what people are up and have the ability to communicate to people I am not that "close" with.

That being said if I were on FB during that time here's a few of what my updates would have looked like:

Gosh this is tough
Good Day vs Bad Day....I think Bad Day won
Am I really going to Spring Break tomorrow?!
Yay for a new B Baby
I am really too old for this....
I will never do that again....ever
I'm a Ninong again whoo hooo
Pulling a Bret Favre...
Shut down....
Beisbol Season is baaaaaack
Los Mets = Los Suckass
Not getting emotionally attached this year....I swear...
To my previous status..I lied
FUCK
shhhhh.org/yourfuckingface
One more B Baby...we are taking over
Your Beautiful and I hate you
Great wall of China
What an Immigrant
"We were supposed to just hook up and have a blast..."
Mojo...where did you go?
RIP U.F'd Up
I had to laugh for a second had to check myself get my mack back in perspective...I slacked for a second but I'm back no question
I'm cold...ice cold

I'm pretty sure I'll be back sooner than later haha

RyE On Self Love and Beautiful Ones

2010-04-05T11:53:00.002-04:00

Joel: he's my only friend who isnt like...i'm the shit
Joel: papa I know you look in the mirror...and blow a lil kiss (closing eyes and leaning for a kiss)
RyE: I damn near molest myself
Joel: LMAO

and with that...I bring to you

RyE On MC'ing RUNS in the Family

2010-04-03T12:36:00.003-04:00

"And you know I'm born in Queens so Nas gave me the clearance!"
I ain't mad at ya Diggy!

RyE On Kiss Me..

2010-03-17T12:53:00.002-04:00

Happy St. Patty's Day =)

RyE On Shameless Plugs & Happy Thoughts

2010-03-14T23:31:00.009-04:00

What is good people?

So I know I've been kinda moody and sounding all down with everything going on so hopefully this will change the tide a bit. I was thinking of putting a more fun positive blog out there and this couldn't have come at a better time.

Recently I joined this 20SB community which I alluded to in my Publicly Private Blog (RYEBlog 3.8.10). I honestly didn't think I was going to make the cut especially since I kind of sort of a lil bit mocked it on that blog to begin with. Anyway I got accepted and who would have known other people (that don't know me) would actually be interested in my blog! Makes me all types of sentimental inside (no seriously!). So step one of the social experiment has succeeded!

Now one of the coolest things about this new community is that I started to find other random peoples blogs and have become hooked on their interesting stories. I'd almost much rather read strangers blogs and have them read mine because I feel a little less inhibited and yet all the same more intimate (!??!) with them if that makes ANY sense at all.

So getting to my point, one of my new fellow buddies that I started following awarded me with this little something:

Thanks Lauren! People go check her blog @ "Is this thing on? I wasn't prepared"

Now normally I don't usually do the whole chain type gimmicks on the internet but part of this social experiment is to go outside the comfort zones, out of the norm, and into the new and uncharted territory no matter how cheesy or out there it may be. With this gift I got to adhere to the following:

When you receive this award you must thank the person who awarded you in the new post. - CHECK

Name 10 things that make you happy - SEE BELOW

Pass this award onto 10 other bloggers and inform the winners - SEE BELOW (further)

Now with that said you know I can't just follow the rules without putting a little twist to this. So instead of 10 things that make me happy let me put 10 random RYE Facts (all still making me happy so there!) and well I don't have 10 bloggers to give this too so I'll give them out to as many as I can! May the blogging gods please have mercy on me!

And now I present to you....10 Random RYE Facts

RYE Fact #109 : RYE hearts Physical Challenges. I love living an active life and with that also means pushing myself beyond my wildest dreams or physical capabilities. In 2008 I signed up for a Charity Boxing event and after a 6 month grueling process earned an amateur New York State boxing license (whoo ha!). I lost touch with the whole boxing thing but look forward to signing up to these two things once I get my health back: MMA & The Men's Health Urbanatholon! Who wants to come support your boy on 10.16.10 in Chi-Town?!

RYE Fact #2009: RYE Captain's an Ultimate Frisbee team. Our name is Ultimate Frisbee'd Up or as we like to say U.F'd Up! haha We've been battling for the past 3 seasons and last season finally came in with the GOLD! Upcoming season is starting April so if you are on the LES come check us out every Friday!

RYE Fact #35 : RYE Hearts Burgers! I'm a burgerenthusiast. I would go around the country...hell around the world to find the best burger out there. Very few places have ever been labeled with the prestigious BBE title (Best Burger EVERRR). Such as the infamous Shake Shack and In & Out Burgers. Thanks to another burger loving mind I was introduced to this organic little place called BareBurger which is thiiiiiiiiis close from getting the honors of BBE. And what better place to have found this than QUEENS! The best place on earth! =)

RYE Fact #19: RYE enjoys reading up on world religions & Self Help books. Currently still dissecting the inner works of Buddhism with this little book

and this self help book

RYE Fact #21: RYE diggs Tattoos - I'm rockin 2Tat's right now but thinking about getting my back done soon. I'm not posting photos sorry...we ain't on that level yet ;)

RYE Fact #1: RYE loves his Familia & Friends..above everything and anyone

RYE Fact #1983: RYE stays fresh to def with his Sneakers & leather Jackets... they make my cypher complete!(Editors note: Ok I got to get something off my chest....I refuse to put this as one of my 10 happy facts but...I am a HUGE...JT fan...there I said it lets move on)

RYE Fact #2001: RYE watches How I Met Your Mother every Monday. Did you check my Ted Mosby blog RYEBlog 2.6.10? You should!

RYE Fact #390: RYE escapes to Montauk for peace. It is my haven!

RYE Fact #194: RYE enjoys stretching. I feel extra light when I can stretch. With a bad back and knees I know when I'm in shape or not when I reach out and grab my toes. I even signed up for Yoga classes this past year to improve my flexibility....need to get back on that...been slacking on my Yoga game (Rye Blogs on Yoga @ RYEBLOGS 8.4.09)

And with that concludes my 10 Random RYE facts that make me happy.

Now to pass this along (drumroll please).

And the Award Goes To:

...this blog was exhausting...for those who ventured this far down...thank you for your time!

RyE On Random Rainy Thoughts

2010-03-13T18:52:00.000-05:00

I think NYC is getting hit by a monsoon. The rain is just ridiculous and to top it all off I got a leak around my living room window sill...Awesome.

As you are all aware I've been battling with my recent flare up so with that and this horrible rain I've been trapped up in this lovely condo of mine with not a whole lot to do. So here are some random thoughts...

Went to my accountant today to do my taxes and it looks like being a home owner will help me out BIG time with Uncle Sam. Don't disappoint me CPA!
This leaking around my window is driving me In+Sane like you wouldn't believe
I played with my PS3 which is not really something I do and it froze TWICE on me. Is this its way of saying you need to play with me more often or is this its way of saying because I don't play with you, you go and become stupid on me!
I wish I had more BluRay movies....
Saw that Gaga Telephone video finally... Now I don't know why but I am just not a fan of her. Everyone gets all up and arms about why I don't like her and honestly I just don't have an argument except I just simply don't like her. Sure her songs get stuck in my head but I don't find her all that great. Her outfits and videos don't scream art they just scream "you're trying to hard" to me. Or maybe it's because she went to that devil school that my sister went to and I don't like anything that spawned from there....minus Jordana Brewster =)
More often than not when it is rainy or snowy outside I tend to order out...and I usually give them a great tip for braving the elements but this rain/wind is making me feel really bad to put anyone out there. I'm too sick/lazy to cook...ugh decisions.
My doctor advises I don't get anymore tattoo's due to my condition.....sigh...let's see how much I listen to that
I can't wait to leave...

RyE On I Feel Like Dying..

2010-03-11T11:15:00.001-05:00

Editors Note: The following is of a graphic subject. It is intended for mature audience only. It is somewhat disturbing and embarrassing the topics related to this subject so if you are one to get disturbed easily I suggest you don't read this blog.
In addition - Let me make this clear....**I am NOT suicidal** I have no intentions of harming myself or others.
The key word in the title is FEEL.

With that said...allow me to elaborate.

"Only once the drugs are done, I feel like dying.."

November 2007 I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis or UC for short. According to Wikipedia: UC is a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). Ulcerative colitis is a form of colitis, a disease of the intestine, specifically the large intestine or colon, that includes characteristic ulcers, or open sores, in the colon. The main symptom of active disease is usually constant diarrhea mixed with blood, of gradual onset. Because of the name, IBD is often confused with irritable bowel syndrome ("IBS"), a troublesome, but much less serious, condition. Ulcerative colitis has similarities to Crohn's disease, another form of IBD. Ulcerative colitis is an intermittent disease, with periods of exacerbated symptoms, and periods that are relatively symptom-free. Although the symptoms of ulcerative colitis can sometimes diminish on their own, the disease usually requires treatment to go into remission.
Ulcerative colitis occurs in 35–100 people for every 100,000 in the United States, or less than 0.1% of the population. The disease is more prevalent in northern countries of the world, as well as in northern areas of individual countries or other regions. Although ulcerative colitis has no known cause, there is a presumed genetic component to susceptibility. The disease may be triggered in a susceptible person by environmental factors. Although dietary modification may reduce the discomfort of a person with the disease, ulcerative colitis is not thought to be caused by dietary factors. Although ulcerative colitis is treated as though it were an autoimmune disease, there is no consensus that it is such. Treatment is with anti-inflammatory drugs, immunosuppression, and biological therapy targeting specific components of the immune response. Colectomy (partial or total removal of the large bowel through surgery) is occasionally necessary, and is considered to be a cure for the disease. This is the last resort.

AKA....no one has a clue.

And that is the toughest thing about this whole ordeal. With no factual evidence as to why or how an individual gets this horrible disease it results in no cure. Medication has been my saving grace these last 3 years and even with that I've experienced some heavy flare ups which has caused me to go into the Hospital.

There is a treatment pyramid that after years of research this is the best solution that doctors and medical researches can come up with

The bottom of the pyramid is the lowest form of of symptoms. If you see moderate bleeding, 3-4 bowel movements and are frequently loose you can take medication to suppress this. If it is a little more severe you can up your dosage (I am not a doctor I am simply telling you my treatment process...if you are dealing with this problem please consult your doctor for advice).

Last year I was beyond severe and needed 2 blood transfusions for the constant internal bleeding and loss of blood. I had to take antibiotics and steroids in order to get back on my feet. That was the worst situation I had ever been in.

At the current moment I am dealing with a pretty moderate flare up and truth be told I'm scared. Knowing what I went through last year I don't ever want to go through that again. I have a very positive outlook on this but once I feel the medication waning off my body starts deteriorating. I feel like I'm doing everything I can. I'm talking to my doctor and taking the meds and doing what I can to maintain and suppress this flare up but it's just not going away. I'll have good days and bad days.

Today is a bad day. I'm having abdominal pains like no other. My insides just literally feel like dying.

Now before I get up on my religious soapbox please note that I am for everyone belief in their own maker...so don't vilify me for mine =)

I know God only puts us through what we can handle but Dear God....I'm pretty sure the last lesson you gave me was more than enough to teach me. So if you could do me a solid and make this all go away...I would reeeally appreciate it..ok? Thanks. Still love you! - Your boy RYE

Now lastly my brother from another mother is running a half marathon to support the research and cure for Chrohns and Colitis. This is his second year in a row doing it and I encourage you all to help him help me and others living with this terrible disease. I appreciate your efforts!

http://www.active.com/donate/napa10nyc/napa10JSavino

One.Love

RyE On NFL Entertainment

2010-03-10T10:46:00.000-05:00

Hate em or love em but....TO & Ocho together would be not only exciting from a sports perspective to see but also a hell of an entertaining duo for all their sidebar antics

"I'ma give them they money's worth"

"I love me some me"

RyE On Beautiful Girls

2010-03-09T11:40:00.001-05:00

...got nothing on you ;-)
(love this song)

RyE On Lyrically I'm...

2010-03-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

RIP BIG

RyE On Publicly Private

2010-03-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

I got a problem.

I'm a walking oxymoron. A hypocrite even. A flawed perfectionist. A loyal rebel. An honest liar. I'm a pragmatic contradiction. I can tell you to not go out and be stupid getting involved with underage drinking and experimenting with drugs but I would be a hypocrite to say I didn't try them. I hate being told what to do but I am loyal to a fault that if you ever need me I will blindly support you. An honest liar I can tell you I'm fine when my whole world is coming down. All these things I am and make me who I am. Hey I never said I was the easiest person to get to know but I'll tell you I'm one of realest ones out there. The only problem is you may never get that opportunity. You see I'm all the things I said above but most importantly I'm publicly private.

See I started this blog in order to write out my feelings. A way of venting yet I still make everything so vague. I do it on purpose and sometimes juuuust sometimes I let you into my world. I've been this way with every type of social networking site or blog like site that I happened to sign up to ever since I became a "professional."

Back in the day I use to have myspace and facebook and xanga and my life would be out there for everyone to see. Then I started working and building a career I never wanted anyone in my professional life to know about my private life. (I don't like to mix my drinks so to speak) So slowly but surely I started to hide this and not say that. I use to put ambiguous photos where my face could not be seen. Yes, slowly but surely I made it pointless to have a public forum if I'm going to censor everything I put on it.

This just so happens to be the last thing standing. Sure I have photo websites of my life chronicled but only a select few know it. And honestly that's just a database for me to enjoy when my computer one day crashes and I lose all my photos I know it's backed up somewhere.

I'm going to try and be as honest as I can but I still hold true to my privacy. I don't want everyone to associate my life to this blog only for them to turn around and say "I GOT YOU FIGURED OUT." No you see I'm much more complex than that ( see RyEBlogs 10.5). I also don't need to tell the world everything I say with the people I love or record every moment that passes in my life.

If you ask anyone of my peers they all know who I am without knowing everything about me. You don't believe me? Well try going back into this blog and see my other posts and try and tell me what you can decipher. I'm going to branch out and open the world to this blog. I'm scared of how it will turn out but then again I may find out some amazing new things.

An insightful mind recommended I join this 20SB networking blog site. Being that I'm still in my 20's I figured I'd give it a shot. I read the "rules" and immediately started to say No. Nope. Yea right. Not going to happen. (Editors note: Don't forget I'm a rebel)

Mainly rule # 2:

Update your Profile. Members without Profile Pictures and vague Profile Info will always have a tough time getting acquainted. Tell us about yourself!

I laughed when I read that and the inner rebel in me said fuck you I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. If you want to create guidelines to how I am to write my life on this you got to be kidding. I mean who are you to tell me what to put up and if not I will be kicked off? The RYE tendency was to say I'm going to do it on my terms and under my conditions. I fumed and thought about that for all of 2 seconds. But I also thought about my goal in wanting to branch out this piece to a bigger audience. And I thought about what this poking mind would tell me to do which is just...keep an open mind. Sad I was defeated by her sheer thought in my own mind (smh).

With that vicious back and forth in my head for 5 minutes I decided to give it a shot. I'll sign up and see if I "make the cut."

I got a lot of confessions to spill and I need to get off my chest the last 2 1/2 years I like to dub "The lost years." How funny I'm about to be publicly traded and in the mood to spill some of the most controversial thoughts I ever had....

One

RyE On I, I...I-I-I

2010-03-08T12:16:00.000-05:00

I hope they never find out...
What they already know, know... know
As soon as it's official..
We'll have to let it go, go... go
So we don't confirm the fling
Keep avoiding all the questions
You can teach me many things
I'm just scared to learn a lesson

The pressure's on
Both hearts beat like a metronome
Both +*NSYNC+ like a Justin song
Feels so right but it's just, so wrong
I wonder where my world 'bout
When niggas that I know tryna take my girl out
And her friends say I ain't the one to go for
She just jealous 'cause you always get approached more
Oh, well, tell her fall back
Caught up in some mo' shit, tell her call back
Tell her get a man that ain't cheatin on her ass
Wit a girl that I know, yeah tell her all, that, that
And as for you, I think I know you're the one
The closest I've come, I'm probably a...

RyE On Branching Out

2010-03-06T18:05:00.001-05:00

On to the next one...

Air Yeezy

Adidas Nizza low

Nike RT High

Adidas Forum Mid

NO IMITATIONS PLEASE!

RyE On All The Pretty Girls....

2010-03-06T17:34:00.000-05:00

...even the fat ones ;)

Peso loves you all

RyE On Over

2010-03-06T01:08:00.001-05:00

RyE On Proud Moments

2010-03-03T14:28:00.000-05:00

My little cousin's photos have been published:

http://reportermag.com/article/body-image/beauty-in-different-cultures

You should check her out...shes beyond talented (click photo)

RyE On Motivation...

2010-03-01T12:18:00.000-05:00

....drivin by anger.

RyE On Help

2010-02-28T09:21:00.000-05:00

With the tragic events in Haiti and the most recent events in Chile (my prayers still go out to all my Haitian and Chilean friends and their families) it seems like a lot of people are in need of help.

Recently I had a pretty bad family emergency. I was shell shocked and I knew the severity of what could be. I was tasked to notify the rest of the family. At the same time I had some immediate family issues that also needed to be addressed. I didn't really think much of anything except to do one task at a time. So as I started to notify my family, I realized I needed to step away from all this.

I called the one that is always there to listen to me when I need to vent. We got some lunch and as I am telling her everything I start to feel this overwhelming cloud start to hover over me. We went back to her place and as I sat on her couch and day light turned to night I just broke down. I haven't broken down like that in Lord knows how long. Recent events along with things from when I was 5 came back and it just wouldn't stop. A side of me jumped out of my body and wanted to slap me and shake me to keep it together. But it didn't happen. I was an emotional wreck and everything just wanted to come out. It was as if my body needed an emotional cleansing.

So just like everyone else, and I hardly ever say this but, I too was in need of help. Call it "walls" or "defense mechanisms" but I just never wanted to ask for help. When I was younger I was what you call a "sickly" kid. Had allergies to everything and asthma. (Editors note: add in the fact that I was like 89 lbs soaking wet and big 4 eyed glasses and it made the nerd cypher complete)

During that time I was always looked at as "weak" and in need of assistance from others. I took daily pills and took my nebulizer three times a day. It didn't really bother me at the time although I saw a world out there I was missing being couped up in the house.

Time went on and I overcame or outgrew these allergies and the asthma subsided with my involvement in sports. Suddenly I became "normal" and no longer felt this burden of weakness that has shadowed me in my childhood. I was close to being a teenager and had my first girlfriend, and started doing all types of sports. I sought out various little jobs that could get me money because what I saw around me was that if you got the girls, could play ball, and have money well...you were the shit.

And with all that I felt empowered! At the same time I vowed to never go back to being that sickly kid before. I made my mind think that medicine, and asking for help was considered weak.

Time would go on and this point I felt like the rock to all my friends and family. You had a problem? I had a solution for it or at least offered an ear to listen. You needed money? I got you. If you needed anything....I was there. Looking back this is the part where I realized I was creating a mindset that would come back and haunt me. See while I was so busy making sure I could be the provider, the helper, the go to guy, I never found an outlet to express my needs.

I internalized it, chopped it up an let it marinate till it ran its course. This lead to many many anger issues. And after 24 years of internalizing it came back to bite me. Ulcers, stress, hair falling out, and ultimately UC.

Funny how life is kind of full circle. I vowed myself never to go back to being on medication and being sick and yet all the things I overcame came back to me in the worst way. I'm back on medication and need to be checked out in a quarterly fashion.

Although this time I'm a bit wiser than when I was younger. I'm still learning that it's ok to ask for help. It's not about looking weak its about being human and you can't do everything.

So to all my friends and family who have always been there for me. As much as I can, I will still always be there for you and I thank you for being there for me...even when I was too stubborn to reach out.

One

RyE on You're the Best

2010-02-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

RyE On Being Not So Subtle

2010-02-26T10:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Friend

I remember you telling me two things.

You Love John Mayer
You Love being a self pro-claimed asshole

To quote Mr. Mayer

""I hate to come off like an a--hole ever, and thank you guys for believing that I am not an a--hole," he told the crowd. "Never, ever in my entire life did I ever think that it would be a good idea to be an a--hole. But you know what? There's plenty of a--holes who think the same thing, so I have to thank you." "

Take it how you want it

-ONE

RyE On Being In Love...

2010-02-24T23:10:00.001-05:00

In love with...

...with Hip Hop

RyE On Life after College

2010-02-12T09:02:00.000-05:00

In June 2010 I'll have my 5 year reunion.

I guess reunions have a much better purpose before the days of the internet where you can "catch up" with all your old buddies via facebook, myspace, email, linkedin or whatever else social networking site is out there.

I have a love/hate relationship with my college years. They were not the best years of my life but I wouldn't call them my worse either. I think living through it I was in a very blah mood and figured I just need to do my time so to speak and get the fuck back to NYC. But as the years starting coming to an end and the reality of being a "grown up" was more apparent the more I embraced my time in college. And post college years I look back and really did come to appreciate my time there. Not sure if I would do it again but...def a time in my life I will never forget.

I relaxed more and enjoyed the company of all those who I could say walked down Mulberry Street and up the commons. It's been 4 years since I last stepped foot on campus. Through emails and friends I know the campus is completely different from when I was there in such a short amount of time.

I must say that although I've tried to do my best to see all of my friends they are all scattered around this country doing their thing and time passes way too fast. I see the FB statuses and the newly engaged and mom/pops that I use to call classmates. I'm proud of all you guys.

As Rev Pilarz said "There are no friendships like Scranton friendships, because Scranton Friendships don't stop."

He was right when he said we would be at each others weddings, we would be there to be God Parents of each others children, and we will be there when we are old and grey looking back and saying it all happened on Mulberry Street.

So to the class of 2005 I'd like to say...

To Goodfellaz which is now a club?!
To $1 slice pizza's
To Fat Bitches and Fat Bastards
To Cockeyes and Oscars
To Snow Kegs
To St. Patty's Day Parade

.... I'll see you in June!

P.S Not sure how many of you will be able to see this but this is of a great friend of mine who I remember having late night conversations on her stoop about following her dreams and singing for everyone to hear. You Rock Jennie!

RyE on Saints

2010-02-07T23:31:00.000-05:00

Congrats to the New Orleans Saint's for their first Superbowl Championship in their franchise history.

Despite my New York love I very much wanted this team to go all the way from the beginning of the season. That city has gone through so much since Katrina. They have battled through adversity and really came together this year to bring the city some hope. The underdogs with the heart of America behind them. Although I hardy doubt you could call them underdogs as they tried for perfection during the season it was apparent that this team was a team not to be overlooked.

And though they came up short they still won it in the end. And the most deserving award of MVP was given to their captain. The man at the core of the team: Drew Brees.

This guy is a class act all around. I respect everything about him. How he stayed with the organization to help rebuild the city. To all his philanthropic endeavors.

None more touching than this story:

So congrats to the NO Saints. Congrats to the city of New Orleans. And Congrats to Drew Brees.

You inspired me.

RyE on The King of NY

2010-02-06T20:49:00.000-05:00

I ain't got a problem this with....

And what's all the chit chat about? The line "It's no Biggie...I'm just the King now"

First let me say I don't claim to know what Jay is talking about but all those people saying hes wack or disrespectful to BIG and all that nonsense....c'mon now. It's 2010 people stop losing sleep over people you don't know. I'm going to say this cause I feel people just like to talk negative for no reason. And you can stay on your negative tip and call me a groupie, say I'm on Jay's jock whatever. This is Hip Hop. From day one your rhymes has always been about repping your town/crew and bigging yourself up (no pun intended). Its a highly competitive landscape where the best lyrical skills take the "throne".

BIG has been called The King of NY simply because well, he self appointed himself the King of NY by being called the Black Frank White (If you don't get that reference you have no business commenting on this). His untimely death also propelled him to be one of the Greatest of all time. Now please before you get your panties in a bunch I am in NO WAY discrediting Big and his skills. That man was talented and ahead of his time. I respect everything he has done and think that almost every verse he laid on a track and every song is so intricate and well done that had he lived I bet no one could even touch him.

But the reality is that he died over 12 years ago. His place in history is already cemented. You will always have great "leaders," great "kings," but no one holds it forever. I'm sure if you ask people in today's generation they would say Lebron or Kobe is better than Jordan. Federer is better than Agassi or Sampras. Time passes, the greats and heros of yesterday get replaced. Its natural evolution.

Now getting back to Jay. So I am going to break this down from the view point of all the babblers that feel he disrespected BIG and is calling himself the King. If you look at his body of work from his early raps Jay has never been one to downplay his abilities or make himself look like he doesn't deserve to be counted as one of the best that's ever picked up a mic (Check the first verse of Can't Knock The Hustle). If anything the one thing he never self proclaimed was the King of NY title because that was sacred ground held by the fallen Biggie. Yet a bunch of newcomers or even solid rappers like Nas can easily say it and claim it. Yet no one says shit because they don't have the critical acclaim or status that Jay has. Nas never "sold out" though that Def Jam deal and "You owe me" track seems a little sell out ish right? ;) People hate on successful people period.

If he wants it man I ain't mad at him. Take the thrown and claim it yours. There is only so many ways you can say I'm the best. He slapped LL (one of my all time fav's) with the G.O.A.T line "I'm already the GOAT next stop is the billy." So if Jay wants to be witty with his rhyme to say hes the King and pay homage to Big why not.

I really don't see him being disrespectful because he's always put BIG in his rhymes to pay homage to his boy. He always respected Big's legacy even with his line "If I ain't better than Big I'm the closest one." So now one line all of a sudden makes him the devil? You all are mad sensitive.

Consistently he has always been lyrically hot. Even the songs where I was like huh? or "damn Hov.. that was wack!" after a few more listens and breaking down his cypher I realized just how well laced his lyrics were. Outside of his lyrical skills he outsmarted the rap game by his business deals. President of Def Jam, business cut throat mentality to take out your business partners to get sole ownership of the Roc AND get your masters in one swift move? Hate it or love it but that's a genius chess business move. You take all that into consideration + his ability to still pop #1 albums year after year (even after his "retirement") and how can you discredit his belief that he is the King. Name one rapper in the game that has accomplished all that he has done both in and outside of the rap scene.

Your petty arguments are as bad as Cam calling him out for wearing chancletas in the Bahamas. LOL I mean really what do you want him to wear? Timbs? That's not street that just stupid. Stop being so stuck in one lane haters.

Now that I got that off my chest. Let me give you my POV on how I took his whole VERSE and not one line. First off the song is all about Kings. Snoop claiming to be the King of the West I would think would have all the Tupac lovers in a tissy. But before I digress let me get back to the King line. Jay mentioned almost all the greats in his verse and gave each one a little lyrical nod by how he placed their name in the song. If you ask me he gave Big the biggest compliment by associating the "King" line with him.

Again I don't know what he's actually saying but its always implicate enough to be taken all the way, but vague enough that he doesn't have to take responsibility for it. There's so many hot lines in this song I don't know if they all just passed over your head so let me help you out:

Hol' up, I wanna rock right now
My name is Hov and I came to shake the town
Yeah, ya boy's internationally known
But I'm from the hood, got a pocket full of stones (STOOOOONES)
I used to cop +Rob Base,+ turn it into +EZ Rock+
Just to stay +Doug E. Fresh+, all that shit to easy rock
Used to +Chef Raekwon+, give fiends a +Ghostface+
Y'all know my +Forte+, I just might catch a dope case
UGHHHHHHHH!!! I +Mastered+ the +P+
with connects in the Midwest, so I'm +Heavy+ in the +D+
UGHHHHHHHH!!! Ya boy still +Snoop+ around
Since a pup, I been +Kurupt+ and I fuck with +Tha Dogg Pound+
UGHH!! Roc Nation is the gang now
Some dope lyrics is the only thing I slang now
+I Get the Job Done+, I put the +Kane+ down
It's no +Biggie+ - heh, I'm just a king now

He took a whole cocaine/dope metaphor and honored the kings of each region. If you ask me I think the hottest line is really a toss up btw "I use to cop rob base turn it into easy rock just to stay Doug E Fresh" or "Ya'll know my forte I just might catch a dope case."

I co-sign this....but please prove me wrong.

RyE On Ted Mosby

2010-02-06T19:04:00.000-05:00

I Am Ted Mosby....

If you didn't know who Ted Mosby is well let me tell you....hes is NOT a Jerk (Click) lol

I don't know how many of you watch the show "How I Met Your Mother" but it is one of my favorite shows to watch. (Cheap Plug: Tune in Monday's on CBS at 8:00 PM EST. Check local listings :P )

If you couldn't guess, the show is all about how Ted meets the woman who would eventually be the mother of his childern. It is a show told in a narrative format where Ted is talking to his teenage kids about the stories of his early adult life.

I don't think there's been a 30 min sitcom like this since the heydays of NBC's must see TV with Friends & Seinfeld. And though this show is sometimes retardedly stupid in the antics it is so well written. The show after all always has to tie in the fact that there needs to be a history to the stories. So its like knowing the ending before the story began and you go back in time to piece it altogether.

Another great thing about this show is that it tells the world all the everyday things we know but never say. If you don't know what I mean see below for some unsaid "truths"

The "Bro Code"

Haven't we just seen this on Facebook??

AND MY FAVORITE!

AAAANYWAY let me stop plugging the awesomeness of this show. As I was saying... I am Ted Mosby.

Ted is your typical guy trying to find the love of his life. He's a hopeless romantic and thinks every girl he meets is "the one." The fun part of watching his story is finding all the "wrong ones" first. You don't feel bad either because you know he ends up meeting his "one." And though it's him telling the story and he is the main character so to speak, he is often overshadowed by his friends (namely Barney) in the escapades that he tells.

As corny as this sounds I definitely feel the connection there. When I think of all the fun times in my life its generally my friends who are the main source of the story and the ones doing the stupid funny shit that makes you remember. Not that I don't have my fair share too but for the most part I sit back and observe.

Ted plays the wingman on many occasions to Barney and let me tell you after this summer....I know that feeling ALL too well. Just like the Bro Codes states...you never leave a bro behind! (ugh...no matter how bad it gets...shivers)

But beyond all that I too am looking for "the one." I hardly ever speak about my love life nor do I ever really talk about who I have dated or what I look for in a woman. So consider this is a momentary opening of the vault that I so securely lock.

Being raised old school by my grandparents I saw the love that they shared with 50+ years of marriage. To me a woman was to be respected. You never treated a woman inferior to you but as your equal. Though my Lola always took care of the cooking and cleaning as she was a stay at home mom she never once was treated as anything but a queen by my Lolo. He made sure that while he took care of providing for the family that all decisions and all things in the marriage were approved by her as well. And she in turn never made him feel like he was any less of a man because she took care of him like a woman should.

To me that is what I am searching for. I see those same attributes in my mother. So I never dated anyone for the sake of dating. I never tried to get with a girl just to "get with a girl" if you know what I mean. And yes that means I don't just go around trying to play just the tip (lmao) with as many girls as I can. So maybe that's odd to hear from a dude but that's just how I was raised.

When I meet someone and there is interest I want to know that they will fit my needs for a wife/mother of my children. I guess being on the other side of my 20's its a little more common to want to find that but honestly that's just how I've always been. I am a bit of a marathon dater. I have girlfriends for years hoping they turn out to be the one I can settle with. In this day in age its hard to find a woman who can take it back to that old school way of being able to take care of a man while not feeling like shes tearing the foundation of feminists built in the last 30 so years. Don't get me wrong I love a woman who can take care of herself but there's something magical about the old way of being in a relationship.

A pretty girl with a pretty smile. Fun, loving, athletic, outgoing, and intelligent. Not too hard right? Someone who complements me. I haven't found her yet but one day I'd like to be able to sit back with my future kids and tell them the story of how I met their mother.

:)

RyE on....

2010-02-05T00:09:00.000-05:00

Whats up blog world....

Its me your boy Rye. I've been gone for a minute and I know I haven't really contributed much to this ol blog of mine.

Alot of things have gone down in the first month of 2010. Work is work and that hasn't seemed to change since I last left it in 09. It sucks...terribly.

Everything else though is kinda sorta looking on the up and up. I am changing my life for the better. I am tired of talking and complaining about making change in my life.

It is time I set forth and make things happen. There is only so much you can control in life and for the things I cannot I am going to have to learn to let it go. But with the things I can control I will change for the better.

So take a ride with me and come see where this adventure will take me...I promise it will be fun!

RyE On 2009

2009-12-30T19:33:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm not the only one who is saying this but good riddance to 2009.

I've been going back and forth in my head just how I want this piece to come out. After several revisions for fear of how it was sounding I decided to scrap it altogether and start fresh.

I can't say 2009 was the best year I've ever had but it was certainly a year I will never forget. Much like other years there are ups and there are downs. This year felt like there were more downs than ups but as I sit back and reminisce on the year that was I'm not sure if that's necessarily true.

But maybe that's because I am the eternal optimist.

I believe that with every fall you learn to get up in a different way. And despite me falling I've managed to get up and I will continue to get up each and every time.

Just shy of a month into the year and I was rushed to the hospital. I still have the photo of me in the hospital. I will never forget being in there holding on. I'm not sure I'm ready to accept just how real it got for me. I can't even think that I was that close to the curtain call because I have so much more that I want to do before its all said and done. I will climb another mountain in my life. I will see the other side of the world. I will return home one more time (maybe more). I will run again. Run marathons, hell even do Triathlons. I will have a beautiful wife with like a dozen babies that are all happy and healthy because that is the life I want. I will push myself not because I have something to prove but because I CAN. I refuse to let things stand in my way of living the life that I KNOW I am capable of living, the life that I deserve. So they say I got UC, well yes I do. But in my book UC stands for Under Control!

As I worked on getting my health back and only two short months into the year my family suffered two losses in the battle against cancer. Rest in peace Tita Gloria and Jane Reynolds. You both fought courageously and are true inspirations to never give up. It's never easy saying goodbye to the ones you love. It's harder knowing that you had to suffer in your last days with these cruel diseases. But I want you both to know that you left a remarkable footprint in this world. I see it in our family. I see how we come together in hard times to lift each other back up. You should know that you will never be forgotten because we will continue to shine the light that you started. And we as a family are more united because life is often too short to not love and be there for one another. Till we all meet again know that we miss you everyday and love you very much.

Speaking of losses how about all the untimely deaths of the entertainers that passed in 2009. Although I have no connection to them I hate to hear anyone pass. So for anyone that you touched in this world I would like to thank you for trying to make the world a better place with your talent and contribution to help make us all smile.

The world was shaken with one of "the worst economic downfall in the last 20+ years." No one was safe from that. A lot of my good friends lost their jobs, those that were saved picked up their slack with no compensation. Hiring freezes made it hard to find another job and salary freezes made it hard to press on. I see the light though. When you are down there is only up. I look forward to the new year and seeing a more prosperous year for me and those around me.

I didn't want to make this all about the bad. There are peaks and valley's as I said. Someone very special and dear to me told me that everyday you have a "high" and a "low." She also tends to ask me this whenever she gets a chance. So with all the lows I mentioned I think it's time I start talking about the highs.

2009 High #1 - I took off the pampers and got me some pull ups because I became a big boy! Yes I moved out of my parents house (finally) and into my new condo. (happy dance)

2009 High #2 - I retained my job. Yes I may sound like I hate what I do but I think it's because I feel like it doesn't do anything for my personal goals in wanting to do more for this world. I had to come to realization that although it doesn't satisfy my personal goals I still very much care about what I do. And with everyone losing their jobs I was fortunate to be included into the creation of a brand new entity to be one of the building blocks and foundation to a new company. "Sometimes in dire constraints and insurmountable odds comes great opportunity" - BW

2009 High #3 - "New/deeper friendships" It's always great to maintain friendships that last a life time. My boys have been there for me for the last 13 years. And we see each other grow and experience life together. This year we got to hang out more often as a group than usual. That's the best when we are all together because we rarely ever get to do that with our lives being so busy.

As much as I know those guys will be there for me it's even more rewarding when you rekindle friendships or deepen existing ones.

Honorable mentions go to Miss La La La La. In all honesty we really should thank the Haitian for leaving and making us fill his void lol. You know that sometimes you drive me crazy but I got nothing but love for you. I appreciate all the times you sat and listened to me talk about my culture, my job, my girl and white girls in general along with my *ahem* drought lol. I love our silly conversations and our unusual late night pillow talks that last way longer than I think either of us intend on having. I think I also have met my match in terms of body heat. I always thought I was hotter than the avg person but I will secede and give you the thrown for being the "hottest" person I know lol. I heart you!

2009 High #4 - ALL THE BABIES! So many of them in my fam and my friends/coworkers. I want to call them the Recession Babies lol

2009 High #5 - This one really should be a sub category under #3 but my highest of highs is discovering a very beautiful and colorful mind. I don't got to say anything because you already know what you have meant to me this year. But um...fuck your Yankees lol.

So in conclusion:

Dear 2009,

I Hated You......

You took a lot out of me. First with my health, then with my family we lost some family members, my friends lost jobs, the world around us suffered a tough economic downfall and lost a ton of entertainers that helped make the world smile...

....I wish I could have learned your lessons through less extremes. I felt like I was losing my way. Then things started to turn around for me. And you made me see that despite it all I became a better person, a stronger individual going through what I went through this year. And so for that I appreciate it and look forward to the New Year!

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose"
- Lyndon B Johnson

RYE

RyE On CnK

2009-12-15T00:23:00.001-05:00

These are a few of my favooorite things!!
Chicks N Kicks

RyE on ADDICTION

2009-12-13T19:10:00.000-05:00

Wikipedia defines addiction as follows:

The meaning of the word addiction in the English lexicon varies according to context. A positive addiction is a beneficial habit-where the benefits outweigh the costs. A negative addiction is a detrimental habit--where the benefits are not worth the costs. A neutral addiction is a habit in which it is not clear if the organism (or species) benefits from the activity.

I'll let you decide because....I have an addiction...an addiction to:

Being the absolute best
Pushing myself beyond my limits
Proving people wrong
Succeeding
Learning new things
Kicks
Music
Leather jackets
Looking Fly
Urban Art
NEW YORK CITY
QUEENS/BROOKLYN
Women
Meeting new people
Exploring new worlds and cultures
Finding meaning to my world....

I have an addiction...an addiction to Perfection.

RyE on Irony

2009-11-30T10:41:00.000-05:00

So remember a few blogs ago I mentioned how this woman on the subway didn't allow another woman to sit....well that same individual actually gave up her seat to me today!

Must be ths holidays lol

RyE On 26

2009-11-30T00:24:00.000-05:00

I can still get down lol.

Thanks to all the people who came and showed your boy love.

"I got nothing but looove for you baby"

RyE on Mobile Blog

2009-11-22T01:06:00.000-05:00

I can blog whenever and where ever haha

RyE On The Cure/Pain

2009-11-05T23:47:00.001-05:00

Hmmmmm....sitting here trying to think of the words to say.

I feel like my head is in a daze. I have a ton of things on my mind but don't know how to get it down so I'm going to freestyle my thoughts.
We turned into me and her. The plural became singular and the relationship changed status. Always positive never negative is my motto so even in dark times I still see the light. Just because you love someone doesn't always mean they end up being your fairy tale ending.

"Ever after" always seemed so far in hindsight but I lived it as close as I could. As I said there was nothing negative but I almost feel like it would be easier that way when separation sets in and the walls around you seem to be your only friend.

It hasn't been too long since it became official but it seemed a long time coming. And that's the sad part. I know...no scratch that...WE know that this is the right thing to do.

And as time waits for no one we set off in our separate directions. We did our own Halloween events, hung with our own friends, and celebrated without each other. It was surreal and throughout the minutes, seconds, hours I couldn't get her out of my mind. At times I felt guilty when I was feeling like I was doing something I shouldn't; only to remind myself that there no longer is a we so whatever I feel is justified then so be it.

flash forward....

I saw her on the way up. I glanced at her like I have a million times over. Nothing new nothing different. Yet all new and all to unfamiliar at the same time. I said hello and she said hi back. She had something to give me and we chatted about this and that for a minute. We laughed and talked like we always did. I said its getting late why don't you get something to eat and I'll walk you to the store. She obliged and said lets go.

Funny how life is full circle. This was how we fell in love to begin with. Late nights led to commonality that sprung out love. And so we walked and everything became familiar. Open doors...she first me second...side by side we walked.

We got to our destination she ordered her food and I was there by her side.

A few moments later I walked her back to her office. It was time to say goodbye and then everything that was familiar vanished and reality set in.

I watched her on her way back. I glanced at her like this is goodbye. That's when I saw her eye glisten in the dark fall night. They were teary eyed. And like a yawn I caught it too. I pulled her in for a hug to avoid seeing her face express her heart break knowing that I am the reason for it. Although I hope she knows I feel the same. I said goodnight and don't stay too late. She said she won't and like always I told her I would call her later. Trying to grasp whatever I could to make it feel like old....

She turned, headed back in and I walked away. Hesitation set in and I turned around to get a second glance. She was gone in the distance. Head down arm motion crossed her face to wipe the sadness away. I reached my hand out as if I could lend a hand to wipe the tears but we were already gone too far.

I gathered myself together and moved on in my direction. Same motion same demeanor as her. The hand I reached out to her I used for myself. Wishing it didn't have to be this way. Our hearts were broken. A million questions raced through my thoughts. How did it get this way? How do I stop the hurt inside? How do I let her know I still care? As I walked it was at that moment I realized that to her I am both the cure and the pain. And the questions turned to one. How do we move on from here?

RyE on All Good Things Must Come to an End

2009-11-01T23:20:00.000-05:00

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end"

Just wish it didn't hurt this much....

Going Dark for a bit

RyE On Happiness/Familia

2009-10-26T22:41:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been feeling a bit lost. My heads been overloaded with things that I can't seem to focus. I forget conversations I have with people, forget what I'm doing in the MIDDLE of doing it. I feel like I'm losing my damn mind. It's been a long time since I can say that I am truly happy with my life.

I've been saying I'm maintaining instead of excelling. I've been saying I'm satisfied instead of saying fulfilled. And more importantly I've been saying I've seen better days than saying I'm good I'm happy.

There's a number of factors that contribute to this. My job, my current status, my relationship, some of the friendships/people I associate myself with.

I'll briefly break down each one for you:

My Job - I HATE it. My passion is gone. My patience with everyone and everything we go through has BEEN gone. My problem is that it pays the bills and I'm better than the rest at what I do. So like every catch 22 I'm stuck in a predicament. But I know I'll figure someway out...I always do
My Current Status - Like I mentioned before I feel like I'm maintaining instead of excelling. I need to start making moves towards a more rewarding life. I am a home owner but barely get to live life because all my money goes to mortgage payments and bills. The American Dream ain't always what it seems. You only live once right so fuck it...lets go on a shopping spree haha
Problems with the wife...don't discuss em
I feel like everyone's got their own agenda. Rightfully so they should look out for their own well being especially in a time like this.What pisses me off are the two face bitches that say something to save face only to turn around and deny it when they are called out on it. Then there are those pple who you can't seem to understand but something in your gut just tells you that they have a hidden agenda.

(Sidebar) I know this is a little off track but I was on the train today and a woman was standing up but decided to crouch down about half way from 71st to Roosevelt Ave. For those who take the F know this is a pretty long stop in between. There was a woman sitting down who got up at the next stop and this other woman, I'll call her the bitch, who was standing at the time decided to take the seat instead of giving it to the poor woman who was unable to even stand (I'll call her Rosa). Another woman said to the bitch that Rosa was pregnant and should give her seat up but that didn't stop the bitch who replied "she'll be fine." Thankfully a man sitting gave up her seat so that Rosa could sit but I couldn't believe that bitch. Now at the time my girl was telling me she hates how NYers are so cold and I basically responded..eh its the survival of the fittest. Whatever I was running through in my head it was cold hearted on a Monday morning. Sadly though I do feel this way.

Getting back to my point above. I feel like right now I only got a handful of people I can just bare my soul so to speak and say whats on my mind. But the rest...the rest is all on me. I feel like I'm Rosa alone in this world with no one to give me a helping hand. Not that I'm looking for one but sometimes its nice to know that someones got my back. I felt this way all morning till I remembered how I felt this past Sat....

I was with my family on Saturday for the baptism of Sophia (the newest baby girl to the family). I found out that there will be not one...not two...but THREE new babies coming our way soon! I couldn't wait to spread the good news. It felt awesome being with my family. After the party we went back to my cousins house where all my tita's and titos and cousins watched their most recent trip to the Philippines this fall to see the opening of the Capilla de San Antonio.....

Part 2 to come (sorry it's late)

RyE on Farewell Letter

2009-10-21T13:22:00.001-04:00

This is great!

SENIOR MEDIA PLANNER NINJA CZAR

(CLICK IT)

RyE on Circles

2009-10-16T14:11:00.000-04:00

Take me back to the start

RyE On Inspiration

2009-10-08T17:24:00.001-04:00

I've been inspired...Good Bye Corporate America

RyE on The Girls Waiting on the Line for the Bathroom

2009-10-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

RyE on Current Status

2009-10-05T23:56:00.000-04:00

So I was writing about a particular topic or blog if I should be so politically correct. But my mind starting drifting into a million other things. SO I'll just freestyle this off the dome:

Breakups to Makeups

Lets face it. Breakups suck.

They never happen when you want it to be and they never feel good. The worst part about breaking up is having to go through the public portion of the break up. I'm not a celebrity nor do I ever plan on becoming one but us "regular folks" still get scrutinized for every aspect and decision of our lives by our peers and those we surround ourselves with.

When couples break up your friends start to draw the line. It's worst when a couple starts mixing their friends and now its Team Him vs Team Her. Anyone ever see the movie The Breakup? Yea it's similar to that.

I was having a discussion with my friend who recently went through one. It wasn't a pretty one. But I'm not going to sit here and put her story out on front street. The conversation lead to if I was in that situation I would be in the same position as her ex.

I even had this conversation with my girlfriend about this and even she agrees. And that position would be that I would be the one that is looked at as the sympathy guy. And something SHE did had to cause the relationship to end. I'm going to call this the JT Effect. Let's be honest...homeboy kept it moving (and looks like he's still moving) from one lady to the next and no one EVER shitted on him. Hell they even vilified Janet for showing a titty but um if I'm not mistaken it was Mr. A little overzealous JT that went HARD on the ripoff. But I digress....

It pains me to think that if the break up occurred that petty girls would be lining up to say shit about her. All my life I've maintained good relationships with my ex girlfriends (with the exception of two cunt bags) because you do the right thing.

You put aside the childish games. Be an adult and act in a mature respectful way. I don't care if you were the one that broke it off you can't deny that if they ever meant anything to you that you don't still love them as a person. And leave the sideline acts exactly where they are meant to be....on the sidelines. Teams are for sports don't bring them into a relationship.

Remember that your friends are extensions of you so if they act incorrectly over misinformation that reflects on you. It is your responsibility to calm the fires and by not acting only intensifies the flames.

So to all the people on the wrong side of the breakups I'm here...and I understand.

Dear Me (a few years earlier)

Two of my friends got this crazy idea from the big blog whore Perez Hilton. It's to write a letter to your younger self. Instantly I thought of a witty remark that I would say to myself if I was younger. Then I was thinking that this is a little foolish. I'm only 25 I don't know anymore than I did when I was 21. Then..like my overactive brain always does and over analyzes shit I was having a debate with myself that I wouldn't tell younger me anything because they need to go through the mistakes in order to be a better person. (Editors Note: I'm a HUGE believer that you can achieve victory in defeat therefore you never lose).

Finally I came to the realization that what I'm thinking is stupid. I kind of backtracked and realized that there is more to this exercise than meets the eye. This is a therapeutic release. It reminded me of my senior year in HS during my retreat. We had to write down a "nice" thing to your friends. Little did I know that experience would change my life. (That's another story)

I just don't know if I would be ready to write a letter or to what younger version of myself I would write to. I would ideally write this on my death bed. And I would pass it onto my grandkids (all 87 of them lol). But if I had to write one now I would write it to either Junior year HS Rye or Freshmen Year College RyE.

Who knows...maybe in the near future I'll just write to both

A little something you should know

I'm tired of everyone expecting me to live up to THEIR expectations of me. I don't know if you realized this but I am like a BIG jigsaw puzzle. I have many different pieces that make me whole. Some pieces don't make sense until you start to piece them together with other pieces. I like to look at my life as an artform. A movie even. And the ending hasn't been written yet so just sit back and enjoy the art of it.

News flash: I am NOT always cocky. In fact I am a very humble person. I DON'T always have to dictate things. I DON'T always need to win. I NEVER strive to live up to a certain pedigree of others. However I DO like to be emotional. I DO like to be true to myself no matter what. I don't have to pretend to like something just because everyone else does and I don't have to go against the grain just because no one else is.

That's just too much thinking for one person to do. Be real and stay consistent. Just because I act one way one day doesn't mean you should automatically label me as THAT. I am 25 yr old man looking for his way through life and living it the best way I know how. I go through a roller coaster of emotions so when I'm Mr. Popular one day and then the next I put on my nerd glasses know how those two pieces of the puzzles are put together so you get the BIGGER picture of ME.

one. love

RyE On The Best Page in The Universe

2009-10-05T22:35:00.000-04:00

VROOOOOOOM F
(Click it)

RyE & Cathy F on Go To Goodbye Maneuver

2009-10-02T21:46:00.000-04:00

Cathy F: :P
RyE: yoo
RyE: lol i dont know why i said i would call you
RyE: i was running out yesterday for this thing and for some reason that was the last thing i wrote
RyE: and i didnt even realize it haha
Cathy F: lolol
Cathy F: i looked at it like, ok
Cathy F: lol
RyE: sorry u def got the non attentive goodbye yesterday
RyE: cause thats what i say
RyE: "ill call you"
RyE: thats my go to goodbye maneuver
Cathy F: lolol

RyE on MANswers

2009-10-02T21:38:00.000-04:00

I learned two valuable lessons watching Spikes MANswers.

I love you Jo Garcia

I have been to the worlds largest strip club (fist pump)

RyE & Joel on NY'ers Apathy

2009-10-02T10:11:00.000-04:00

RyE :;">how was ur flight home
Joel: 2 people got sick
Joel: people in NY are mad apathetic
Joel: we were like "whats going on"
Joel: (eating terra trips)
RyE: sick as in throwing up?
Joel: nah like oxygen tank
RyE: jeez
RyE: as long as the plane is stable
RyE: id eat my chips too
RyE: munch munch
Joel: yeah man
Joel: face off was on TV

RyE on A Beautiful Mind

2009-10-02T01:33:00.000-04:00

She has been there from the start.

By the start I mean my post "irresponsible years." You know...the years after college when shit supposedly gets "real." When you go and start your career and make it as a real true adult (though I feel like I've been doing that a long time ago).

But yea...she has been there from the beginning. The one that popped my cherry into this responsible adult life you can probably say haha.

And she's been there ever since. And is connected to every aspect of me.

Been in the game with me like a coach and a teammate.

Battling in the industry with me with all the bullshit.

Helping me stay focus on my business.

(Editors Note: Game = Life/ Industry = Current Job Market/ Business = money, career, life goals)

For however many times I put myself down, doubted myself or just was unsure about what to do next she always was there to pull me back up, reassure myself and clarify what I already knew what to do.

There is a bond there that's special.

As the years went by I can only say we have gotten stronger and the bond has grown.

And though I feel like maybe I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain in the relationship I think that's starting to change.

It's always good to have someone to go to but it's rewarding when the person you go to comes to you for guidance every now and then.

I can't exactly say when it happened but I have an idea when. (ok maybe I just don't want you all to know this!)

So I guess what I am saying is...for all the times you were there for me. For all the reassuring comments and the smart ass "I told you so's" that followed...I just wanted to say thank you.

"You are a catch"
"You the you the best"
"You are better than the rest"
"You have 'it' "
"You're a charming ass" - (lol)
"You are a leader"
- (editors note: I think that despite the reference to one of the most despised villains on earth I know what she means)

All that said all I can say is...right back at you Beautiful.

oh yea (lil ass slap) haha

RyE On Ego Trippin Part 3 (Knowing His Role)

2009-10-02T00:42:00.001-04:00

The Best

I never asked to be on top.

But I always strive to be there.

Being on top of my game.

The top is all relevant to you.

The Top of your business. The Top of your peers. The Top of your surroundings.

It's funny when you start hearing enough people say things about you that you start to take notice of what they say.

Never been the one to really take myself so serious about what others think or perceive of me.

I know who I am and what I've contributed to the game. The game I call life I ain't never been fucked you can call me celibate.

I'm rarely out of my element cause I always keep one foot in and one foot out with a firm grip on reality.

I bring to the table what I know best from the ghetto to the Corp. I'm as intelligent as the next but I just utilize it better than most.

Don't like to label myself as anything other than the best. Not to jack Jay's swag but I ain't a business man I'm just a smart man handling his business.

My learning curve is ridiculous. There is no limit to my knowledge and no self righteous barriers to prevent me from being the student.

But don't think the student can't teach. ;)

Hell I'm a preacher with a sermon to preach.

And I got a following I never intended to reach.

Though my head is in the clouds my feet are firmly on the pavement. ALL my moves are calculated from a simple head nod to signing off on multi million negotiations. (What you think that just because I know of who you are I'm going to acknowledge you? Nah homie, consider it a blessing when I show interest)

That statement above is what my "business folks" don't like about me. The industry ain't make me. I'm only in it for a minute so cherish every second you get.

I am a game changer and people take notice.

Me playing small doesn't help this me or those around me.

If I am to lead I want to lead bright and push those around me to be better than me.

I've done the block and it's time to make my international rounds.

So check the stats one more time:

Been hustlin since the age of 13.
Paid taxes at the age of 15.
Had a 401K with health benefits at 19.
Been a President twice before 21.
High demand at 23
Home Owner when the market bottomed out
Reached my Quarter Century and nigga I'm about my BUSINESS!

So when I say I'm the best bitch I got my reasons.

RyE On Money to Blow

2009-09-29T16:03:00.001-04:00

RyE On Hunting Chris Brown

2009-09-24T00:09:00.000-04:00

lol... I swear one of these days I'm not just going to post youtube videos but for now...screw you and enjoy

RyE on Celebrity Nudity

2009-09-23T21:06:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's because I'm not a celebrity
Maybe it's because I'm not a female
Maybe it' because I don't have a nude photo of myself leaked around for the world to see
Maybe it's all the above but...

I don't understand when the world has already seen you naked...by YOUR own doing...and you are on a nightly show that involves you being topless....that you care if there are leaked photos of you nude on the internet....

But maybe that's just me

Rye on Ruff Ryders...we back!

2009-09-21T10:00:00.001-04:00

Wow I can't believe they all came back together on this one!

RyE on I'm Your Conscience

2009-09-20T21:37:00.000-04:00

Don't fuck with Jamie LMAO

RyE on Air Yeezy

2009-09-18T17:13:00.000-04:00

I am not the biggest fan of Kanye's style or his out there looks but I got to admit...his little ode to Back to the Future Marty McFly type kicks are kinda hot. I would cop a piece of the Air Yeezy's

RyE On Goin In

2009-09-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

AND I'MA GO HARD!