RyE On Superman

A couple of weeks ago there was this Comic Con in NYC. Big day for all the comic "geeks" out there to meet the almighty Stan Lee. I don't have too many comic geek friends around me with the exception of one little lady. And while I don't necessarily call myself a comic geek in today's standards (simply because I don't really know anything current going on with comics) I am still a big comic book enthusiast.

I grew up collecting comic cards at first with my cousin Katherine. She use to take me to Mike's Comic book shop on Northern Blvd every Tues/Weds to get the latest issues and trading cards. I had a binder with plastic little slots for all my Marvel Superhero's. It was actually my first true hobby in life. The cards spun onto collecting comics and getting lost in the world of fantasy. I wasn't a big DC guy (Batman, Superman for all you non comic followers) but I definitely knew of their history. I was more a Marvel Guy and loved all the characters they had from X-Men, to The Avengers, Thor, Captain America, and most of all Spider-Man.

As a kid I spent evvvvery penny I had to buy my comic books. My collection was pretty thorough. Sadly I don't know if they are in great condition as they have been locked away in my parents garage for storage since before I left high school. Maybe I'll go pick it out and relive some of my past stories.

Comics were an escape for me as a kid. I grew a very special correlation to Spider-Man. Skinny little boy from Queens raised by his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Classic nerd in school picked on by bullies because he wasn't as big or as popular. However despite all the angst of childhood adolescents he still managed to be himself and get the girl next door (who just so happens to be smooooking ha). Oh yea and he gets bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes this super hero that sometimes get's in the way of his normal life...great stuff.

Point is that as an adult I still myself clinging onto these great fantasy worlds. I get excited when a Comic movie comes out. I try and see how true they are to the stories I read as a kid. I get upset when they don't follow it to a tee. I mentioned as a kid I was really into Spider-Man (still am) but as an adult I find myself more linked to Superman. Ironically enough a lot of my friends and family (not always in a good way) refer me to Superman. I always thought as a kid he was actually pretty lame because he was too powerful. I know he has Kryptonite but for the most part homey was invincible and nothing seemed too hard on the guy. I guess as a kid I couldn't relate to that so I was turned off by his cookie cutter mold.

However there is this show called Smallville that I have watched for the last 10 seasons (shhhhh). It tells the story of Clark Kent (I do hope you know who I am talking about) and how he turns into the legend we all know as Superman. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a comic fan but this series is awesome. Going into it's final 10th season it has stayed true (for the most part) to telling the story of Clark and not Superman. That meant no flying, no cape, and no reference to the name Superman.

This season is slightly different since it's the series finale. It's bringing everything full circle in order to lead up to that whole cape and flying Superman we all know today. This last episode really stood out for me as one of the best ones I saw. It was the turning point for Clark to realize his destiny to be the hero that we all know he will be. After watching this episode and the 9 seasons prior I realized that Superman did NOT have it that easy. That he struggled to balance this God like ability among humans which in turn made him all that more human.

I mentioned that those close to me sometimes refer me to Superman...or that I try too hard to be everything to everyone at all times. That is by default one of my many "downfalls." Not that it's so bad but I think it's taken its toll on me. I try to do everything the right way and be there for everyone without any thought or regard to my own. And by no means do I think that I regret anything or even would change it if I could. No everything I am today is because of what I have experienced in the past, right or wrong.

There was so many great things from this homecoming/flashback episode that I could relate to.

1) Embracing your fate:

Brainiac 5: Why won't you forgive yourself?
Clark: He didn't have a choice. He's my father, of course he'd sacrifice anything to protect me.
Brainiac 5: We always have a choice, Kal-El. Your father didn't have to care for you the way he did. Yet still he made that choice every day he was with you. He chose to be your protector. Just as you've chosen to be the Earth's protector. Nobody forced that on you, yet you embraced it. Nobody made that choice for you. We all chose our own fate.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have put the burden of my family onto my shoulders. I worry about not being able to live up to their expectations as a man to provide. Yet I know that they don't put this on me. It is I who chose to take this responsibility and I who embraces it. Knowing this now though I realize that it is up to me to decide on what I want to do with my life and how I see fit.


2) Perfection:

Brainiac 5: The darkness is the past. And you hold onto it and you dwell. You punish yourself and everyone around you for past mistakes.
Clark: I don't have the privilege of mistakes. Even if we don't expect perfection, the rest of the world does. You heard what they said.
Brainiac 5: Then help Oliver be who he can be. Today, tomorrow. Be there for him now, and stop punishing him for his past with your silence and your distance. Let it go.

This is a double edged sword for me. For one I strive for perfection because I felt like everyone around me expects it. And much like the dialogue I too hold onto my past mistakes in order not to go through them again. This is when it comes to anything, love, life choices, career choices. I guarded myself from these mistakes and only hurt myself and others in the process because I never let anyone in. As for the second part in which Brainiac is telling Clark to be Oliver's friend I can relate to that. When things don't go my way or I feel a certain disconnect in how my friends go about their life I tend to cut them off. I don't do anything but keep my distance. I never realized how doing that only hurt myself in the process.

3) Lois Lane or Lana Lang

Maddy: Wait. So, you're not hitched to Clark?
Lois: Not exactly.
Maddy: Are you engaged?
Lois: No.
Maddy: Oh. How long have you been seeing each other?
Lois: Well, we're... not, really. Right now.
Maddy: So, you're the moth, not the flame.

This is every comic boy geeks thing....THE GIRL! For Spider-Man/Peter Parker it was Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy. Jean Grey even had Wolverine or Cyclops. And Superman had Lana and Lois. The reality of finding your true love is always something that any person can relate to. In life you come across great people who at the time you may think is THE ONE but until your last day you never know who was the one. In comics it's pretty spelled out for you so it takes that air of mystery out.

In this scene it's funny because Lana Lang was Clark's first true love and Lois hasn't been revealed to be the one even though we all know that Lois and Clark are meant to be. As cheesy as it may seem I feel like I've met my Lana...I just need to find my Lois. Or maybe I already have and like this scene...she just doesn't know it yet. (Editors note: Lois is totally the flame ha)

4) Hero

TV Reporter: I think our audience would like some answers.
Oliver: I lost someone. She meant everything to me.
TV Reporter: So, for that you want, what, a merit badge and special rights?
Oliver: No. No, you're right, I'm not special. This isn't about who I am, it's about what I do. And--and I don't think I'm the first rich boy who felt that way. It was John F. Kennedy who once said, "Ask not who what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
TV Reporter: So now you're comparing yourself to a fallen hero of this country?
Oliver: Well, why not? He saw the hero in all of us. I'm not dwelling on revenge for past atrocities, or looking ahead to what I can gain from a few tax breaks. Drilling oil wells in the ocean, putting up razor wire fences to keep out immigrants who only want what our grandparents wanted. In this world of armchair bloggers who created a generation of critics instead of leaders, I'm actually doing something. Right here, right now, for the city. For my country. And I'm not doing it alone. You're damned right I'm a hero.

I love the last lines. I firmly believe that there are too many talkers out there in this world. Too many people speaking their minds and not doing anything to back it up. I'm not much of a talker (despite this blog). I don't like tooting my own horn and expecting a parade for my accolades. I just want to do. And I want to do right. I need to embrace the fact that I am everything that I know I can be. I am a leader. It's proven and its a fact that in every situation I take that role. I'm not going to shy away from it because I'm afraid of what others think. And instead of feeling like my abilities will overshadow others I'm going to inspire people to do the same. To challenge me to be a better person so that I'm not alone in leaving my mark on this world.

Clark: I guess you're right. I've been so buried by the mistakes of my past, so worried about the responsibilities of the future, I lost sight of the present.
Brainiac 5: A hero is made in the moment. Not from questioning the past or fearing what's to come.

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RyE On The Cypher

Too many Urkel's on your team that's why your Wins-LOW!

[Kanye West]
Uh, Good music, this our year
backing drums by DJ Premier
now let me count it down, who the f-ck up in here
Common, Don, Old G, battle rap, oh
that n-ggas know you can’t really f-ck with that
Pusha T, the Clipse just made a classic
Good music together we too Jurassic, you stay plastic

Ramadan with the flow, guaranteed everyone fasting
Big Sean is a don
Cyhi da Prince
why you so nervous dog stop being tense
if you aint talking bout Rash we aint got nothing in common
f-ck that and thats just common sense what the

[Pusha T]
Came in the game, 8 years prior
8 years later, your mans on fire
My Book of Eli, to all my subscribers
play the two doors, street car named desire
came in Grindin’, Ye’ came throught the wire
but at the crossroads, Bone thugs inspired
1st of the month, Trump to the buyers
rent too paid on the coupe you been fired
smooth criminal, no prior’s
man in the mirror, check no liar
still like that butterfly like Mariah
show me the money the black Jerry MaGuire
Tom Cruise on that couch if that money right
West Hollywood feels like a bunny night
with GOOD company and better jewelers
to the Good Life, we GOOD music

[Big Sean]
Man, I wake up to a wet dream
every day’s a Friday and every nights a sex scene
every week is fashion week and every day I’m pressed clean
Detroit’s Angel, I even got red wings
I’m headed to the ball, me and three prom queens
my life’s prom night and guess who’s the Prom King
they having a kissing fight and I’m Don King
everybody know I’m coming soon like LeBron’s ring
I’m Big L, Notorious, Big Pun, Shawn Carter, Sean Combs and Connery all in one
whoever told you sky’s the limit is looking dumb
cause I’m 22 and I’m moonwalking on the sun
oh thats your girl
she feelin on my water right next to a couple boaters
and she tryna motor boat her and im coming from the w-w-westside of the Motor
you might find banana clips ’cause it’s Guerilla warfare
last year I was watching this from the couch and now I’m here
thats to let you know what I’m about
reaper black suit cuz my whole team’s killing
had to keep setting trends cuz your whole team stealin
many tell me I’m the man I aint made it yet
tell me who the baddest, I’ll see if i see them naked yet
won’t stop til I get that Mercedes 700 CLK and Mercedes aint made it yet

[Cyhi Da Prince]
I’m Mr Got bread like Quizno’s
better known as MJ with the big nose
I swear your artist couldn’t see me on his tip toes
only on TV I gotta take a quick pose
let me stop I forgot this was a big show
and being dope made you broke I aint piss poor
I’m big poppa plus I’m 2pacalypto
my mind is a weapon what I need to pop a clip for
huh, I’m doing this for hip hop
Im coming after you, him and his spot
still tied to the streets like a ish knot
aint nothing fake, I’m not a Rolly with a tick tock
Atlanta repper in the home of the yankees
Rose wood suit on with the hanky
I got rich from the zones of the stanky
so everybody know my money long, lanky!
so I’m flexible stretching out my decimel’s
switching up the flow got the crowd going testicles
can’t bleep it out cuz there wasn’t nothing sexual
I’m blowing loud, somebody check the decibels
I’m impeccable they put me on the pedestal
and if you bite me, it’s good for you like a vegatable
shows by the several, schedule full of festivals
and if I ever do time than you know its federal
uh, incredible, yeah

[Common]
F-f-fam fam fam I’ma monster too
you don’t see I do things that the monsters do
the incomparable, remarkable, articles
about my audio technique, my technique
I recognise games like the ESPY’s
cold to myself I say God Bless me the truth
so I speak live and directly
you, I will set free my mic is where my check be
rah, I echo, I echo, I echo, the sounds of the ghetto, future of the retro
prolly in the metro just so I can get dough
the name is Common but the frame is special
leave requested from the years I’ve invested
arrested, develop, addressed it, envelope
the body of the black party from Farley to Bob Marley
go home or go hard, at home is life hardly

[Kanye West]
the plan was to drink till the pain over
what’s worse, the pain or the hangover?
fresh air rolling down the window
too many urkels on your team thats why your Winslow
I sold my soul to the devil thats a crappy deal
least it came with a few toys like a happy meal
this game you could never win
cause they love you then they hate you then they love you again
get away from me loniless
get away from me misery
get away from me fake sh-t, I can’t take the phoniness
get away from me wack tracks
I can only make only hits
I’m an only child lost in the World
where did the lonely kids go when the bell ring
feeling like hell rings
bringing me back down
checking my background
its ironic whats happening
imagine if I didn’t have the ends
I would’nt have so many imaginary friends
I’m spaced out Dog, I be on that Moon talk
wonder if God ask Mike how to moon walk
I swear to momma wish me and my father talk more
Thats that vision around the time I was a sophmore
I guess everything I hate about me I see in him
and I aint finna change, so we’ll never agree again
just a few things pouring out my soul
Rosewood we could se her with our eyes closed

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RyE On Caught Up

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RyE On The Life & Times

When people describe this young man he is often described as a man of few words but with an open heart. His actions generally do the talking and his ability to show his honesty through his body of work has always shined. On the brink of success has been the tidal wave in which he always rode on. Pushing forward without looking back and through it all no one ever saw the dark holes and deprived attention he admittedly felt he should have had.

A somewhat volatile year(s) for a man struggling with inner peace and enough war inside of him to send him to the deep end. Now through all the trials and tribulations he is setting forth to reclaim a life he not only wants but he rightfully deserves.

Your a bit of a conundrum if I must say so myself. You tend to say your this or that and then go out and speak out against the very thing you claim you are. What is that?

Ha. Way to get this started. Yea I know that sounds like I'm a hypocrite. And honestly I'll admit I am. I like to speak my mind. I speak my mind better when I remove myself from the situation as opposed to being in the situation. It gives me a better sense of clarity. So often what I do for myself is not always the best thing for everyone else. I only know how to live my life the way I see it. And I don't know how to tell someone else to live theirs. I get paranoid at the responsibility of always living up to everyone's expectations. To be the best whatever...son, brother, cousin, friend, lover, employee, role model, its a trip to play all those parts to a tee! So when I do things I only know that I do it for me and hope it works but when someone asks for my opinion or looks to me like I'm a role model I'm like whoa whoa whoa. Hold up....lets not put me on any type of hot shit pedestal.

And speaking your mind...well that hasn't always been a good or necessarily a bad thing has it?

Not at all. Look I know I'm a calculated motherfucker. The shit I'm saying now is calculated but I am being honest as well. It's up to you to decide on what you want to take from this. When I say how I feel I say it because I'm passionate about it. But I also know that sometimes people aren't always going to agree with me and that's ok. I honestly don't care if 98% of the world says I'm an asshole because of what I say. I got a solid 2% of people that know I've been eating humble pie all my life and that trumps the rest of the world.

So then tell me why do you get so upset about all those people who are always "speaking their mind and keeping it real"

That keeping it real phrase is the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I seriously think its a cop out phrase that allows idiots and too quick tounged individuals to just say whatever the fuck they want and stamp it with a "I'm just keeping it real" as to justify their words. I told you I'm a calculated individual. Words have a lot of meaning. America is built on the freedom of speech but we are probably one of the strictest nations in censorship compared to other countries. And the problem is people just like to talk with no sense of responsibility. They say shit without thinking about the consequences of their words. Look at the tragedies in the last several years with bullying and hate. People go out and just kill themselves or harm others and its fucked up. But that's the big picture. That shit needs to stop without a doubt. I think what you are trying to get at are the people that I surround myself in. Well yea those fuckers just love to talk for the sake of talking. I don't get into it so I just ignore their lame ass. But I will say this...there's a difference between "keeping it real" and being two seconds shy of a slap across your face.

You have a history of anger management issues correct.

Did I not just threaten someone? Ha. Yes. Yes I do.

Want to expand more on it?

Not really. Only because I don't know why I have them.

You mentioned that it is the one aspect about yourself that terrifies you the most.

Sure it does. Because I have no control over it. First and foremost let me just say I have never ever ever ever hit a woman. My anger issues are internal. The way they manifest goes back to what I said earlier about words. That's why I'm calculated. Because I have a very difficult time holding back on how I feel. And I've hurt a lot of people in my life through my words. Sometimes the words did translate into physical violence. I would get into fights, punch back, start shit and that's when people started to say "hey man you need to take control of this." I was a reckless kid. Growing up I was always the small dude in the class so maybe I had this complex where I felt the need to prove something of myself to the others because I wasn't as tall or built like them.

And so you went through anger management..

Twice. Once in high school because I was going through dumbass shit over a girl ha. And again in college due to a misdemeanor. But did that... and my record is as clean as a whistle!

Yet you still struggle with that concept.

I struggle with control. Control is a dangerous feeling. It's almost an addiction. I grew up with no control. Over my health, over my decisions and over everyone in my family because I was one of the youngest ones. Then one day I got control over my health. I started being self reliant and it felt like for the first time I was alive. It changed everything for me. I started to associate control with living. So long as I had control I was living the life I wanted and that's all that mattered. Problem was that I can't control everything in life. And it's only recently now that I've come to learn that and make necessary changes in order to live a better life.

And that brings us to where you are today. It seems like in the last three years you haven't been in control. You have had multiple hospital stints, rare public outbursts, seclusion, hidden affairs, insomnia, a possible medication dependency and even rumors of a depression.


To be continued.

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RyE On Getting Lonely Too

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RyE On A Summer Love Affair

The End of Summer is always bittersweet for me. I love the fall (maybe cuz I was born in this season) but I get sad with the "end". I am about to confess something. I have had a summer love affair for several years. Its a very seasonal relationship. I drive to visit in April to see her beauty shaping up for the summer. I prep it all out to see her new surroundings for when I come to see her.

And I must confess besides my family no one ever knew her except me for the longest time. I kept her a secret to the world around me because she was just too beautiful and pure. I did not want to share it. But as we grew up and life started to push us into other directions I realized that my secret wouldn't be much of a secret too long.

So eventually she met my closest friends. My boys met her and I knew from the start they too would come to find out the beauty I saw in her. Instantly they were hooked and it felt great to be able to share her with more people in my world.

The love affair would continue to blossom over time. I never disrespected her but we always knew that summertime would end and so our relationship must end as well. Distance and the cold just don't mix for us although we did try to make it work.

Its funny that up until these last recent years I was always somehow single in the summertime to rekindle our relationship and explore it so honestly with no trappings or faults of the place I leave behind when I saw her. But I noticed that as years went by she matured and more people started to recognize her and what was my secret was eventually going to be exposed.

I took it in stride and I remember bringing an end to that summer knowing the next and sequential summers would no longer just be us. It was 06 and I had a gf at the time. I didn't bring her around to see my summer love till the summer was over. But she was great and showed my gf all the wonderful things about herself that I see, much like she did for my boys. And so my gf came the next two years afterwards and life really started to come between me and my summer love. That's when things started to change.

See she has always been my outlet from the world which is why I never wanted to bring my world to her. Only to a select few and even those individuals I didn't want them to fully know her. There was always one person though in my life that I wanted her to meet. A kindred soul of mine that I felt could give my friend the escape I got when being with her. Then one day last year that day came. And man what a wirldwind of change life has been.

This summer I shared my summer love affair with my world. We spent countless weekends and long holidays together. I saw new things and experienced new feelings for you all with company. And it felt good....amazingly good. For all the storms we weathered through. The starlight gazing and sunsets. The fire pits and dancing at the spot. The local bands we would share and listen to along with endless wandering. Learning how to surf and allowing the genesis of love from others to spur. Yes there was some heartache but my summer love will always be my outlet, my haven and I will miss you till we see each other again.

Till next summer my love. Take care M.T.K

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RyE On The Good Life

Please excuse me I am about to verbally vomit.

A friend of mine who actually inspired me to get into this blog world after many failed attempts of trying to get me hooked on internet social places brought up a point to me. I am too private to really cater to this world yet hypocritical enough to not want to sit on the sideline and not be apart of it. So I join. I get into things and then I lose passion in it till I can find change. I don't really think I'm a blogger. I find myself just typing shit out and seeing how it sticks. She said that I blog the way she used to blog. Meaning it was only when major things were going on that she would write. Too emotional. She said you know what changed me? I said no what? And she replied you!

Naturally that got me thinking. I have a world of talent and an ability to (good or bad) influence folks. Don't believe me just ask her ha. My problem is that for all my attributes I downplay them because I'm scared. I'm scared of what I can do and scared of knowing I can attain anything in this life. Because what if I fail? I'm scared to admit when I know I am right. I'm scared to admit that I can tell my friends to reach for the heavens and push them to better themselves but I can't tell myself that. Because what if I fail? I have lived my life on sacrifices for others. My friends and family members alike. I find my happiness in their success and joy. I admit I don't reflect enough on my own but I push myself to get to where I am today. I did everything by the book.

Went to school...graduated....college....graduated....internships to get ahead....job right out of school..worked up the ranks FAST...saved...bought a place I can call home. Not bad for a 20 something kid out of Queens huh? Only problem is that while some see that as success I see it as a path to someone else's dreams. I did it all for others and I'm here literally bleeding out my life just to regain sense of what makes me live.

See nothing about what I did was about me to the core. I did what people EXPECTED of me to do. I am the other prodigal son. All the titles and awards I ranked up. The high salary and praise at an early age means nothing to me as I feel empty inside.

Life is not measured on success and failure. I think its made up of life choices and how you define yourself in those choices, good bad or indifferent is what makes life worth living. Failure means trying. If you are too scared to try you will never live. And I? Want to live. I want to be happy. And I will do that selfishly because if failure is to living well then I am not afraid to fail.

I hope you can see it in me. I want to live The Good Life.

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