RyE On A Diary Page

How does one fall in love with their soul?

I took a page out of my diary to write an open letter to my soul...my beautiful soul.

If I told you I wanted to talk to you I think people... you know... would think its kind of funny. I mean we one in the same right? For better or for worse you spelled it out to me we in this together forever. And we both know we've been through our ups and our downs this year. Wish we didn't have any downs but that's just not how life works is it? Ha, ain't that funny....I'm wishing. Something I said I don't normally believe in. Guess you really are starting to make me into a better man. And why wouldn't you. I mean you know me better than I know myself. You know me better than any girlfriend I ever had. Any friend or family member I have because you simply see all that is me. The good, the bad, the strong, but most importantly the weaknesses, the insecurities and the fears and doubts I hide from others. You are exposed to all of that. No walls. No barriers. Just me. All of me.

And on the flip side you have been the courage for me to make tough decisions. The support when I doubted myself. The ever constant fan in the stands cheering me on. The believer in my abilities to take them to places I can't see. You do all that with such flare. A Southern hospitality take on life that only the biggest city in the world can contain.

But lately I feel even the biggest city in the world may not contain you. And you are too big for even me to selfishly keep. But before you leave can you please hear me out?

I guess I never got the chance to really express myself the way I wanted to. Yes we had our moments where I tried to lay it all out there for you. Sometimes your approach on life to write feelings down really is the best way. I just wanted to be raw with my emotions and let you see the love and the pain. For all the things you do for me I hope I could return it 10 fold. You are a part of me as I am to you so we unfortunately share the same habits and pride to "fix everything;" to "be the solid rock" for our loved ones; to show no weaknesses.

For making me realize what LIFE is all about. For showing me what LIFE should be all about. For giving me a LIFE worth living. I love you. I'm in love with you. I love even your mere presence in my life. But you had a life before mine ever intertwined with you and I realize your love for me is not the same. I understand you brought all that to others before me. And the past is something that is still relevant to the present. Ironically I feel like I'm in a race against the past but I'm the one who is a couple steps behind. And so I sit here and try to figure out what I can do to make you my past present and future?

See all I want is to be relevant. Just tell me that I ever meant anything more. That you could see past just the physical. See me in a different light in the brightest of all rooms. To stand out amongst the crowd and shine light on even your dark days.

I need you to live yet you can bring life to someone else. And I feel you slipping away with every breath that I take. Make another man feel all the things I already feel. To fill the void that I can't fill. Not that I can't but you won't let me fill. And regardless of the allegiance to me or not, my love, my soul, you gon' shine anyway. But I'd like to be the right allegiance to you. To tell you there's no one other than me that can complete you. Yet I never want to cloud my intentions to be, with intentions to impress hoping it could materialize into something else.

I just want to channel my feelings the way you do to me to know that I could have brought a better you. It's still a mystery how you see everything I am and not see past my physical. If I could I would steal your love and hope for a life sentence with no key to release. They say its better to have loved than not loved...but I never felt yours. So I'd rather lose love than move on. Because without you I'm just incomplete.

You smiled, you spoke and I believed,
By every word and smile- deceived.

Another man would hope no more;
Nor hope I- what I hoped before.

But let not this last wish be vain;
Deceive, deceive me once again!
-Walter Savage Landor

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RyE On The Fear

Inspired by Fear

I think they call this venting...

Look this is me, still the same
They want to hate, I'll play the game
No scars but you can see the pain
It all comes spilling out like it hit a vein

What up JR..what up TC,
I hope ya'll know you the reason I am here still,
The "fans" chat thinking I signed for one mill, duh
Equal opportunities feeling slightly unreal huh

That ain't how it works, that it ain't how it goes
So I be getting high while you balance out the lows
And I could use a mentor just to balance out my life-flows
But I never share my thoughts this is all this nigga knows

But every time I try, I open up my eyes
This is my chance to be remembered and reprised
And I'll be going hard long as I'm alive
So every piece of success I know is mine

Don't take this the wrong way but um...

I don't give a fuck what "Ya'll" do
But "Ya'll" probably will what I do
And if my name hold value
I will drop every bit of ounce of it on you

So go sob and make your own puddle
I try to stay away from shit that can land me in some trouble
But I'ma keep it honest I'm so tired of being subtle
It's just me, suspects and the hive standing in a huddle

Starin at the members of my team
Who get questioned about my Machiavelli scheme
Just know I got you all for defending up this dream
And they just hating cause it really is what it seems

Know that your the reason for my devotion
I put in work cuz putting out is worthless
And I know I pop off cuz I bottle up my emotions
So this is me putting it out in the open...

I just don't understand why you care...but you got my attention...(sigh)

Look fuck all Ya'll, I ignore feelings here
Your premature decisions ushered in my realest year
And I swear while I'm here I'ma make a killing here
I should be at the top of the world just chillin here

Ain't it funny how it panned?
They didn't even care to find you to give you up a chance
You built yourself up to be the biggest in the game
And realize when you ain't there sometimes the shit don't feel the same

So start your babysitting deal at home
Your people talking just cuz my appeal has grown
I wonder how many of them follow me everywhere I go
Guess I'm never really alone, I just now feel at home

I use to be scared of what the future holds
I was wishing I never was exposed now I'm getting use to those
Everyone I meet wants to get a piece of me like a groupie hoe
The honesty in my delivery got me this I suppose

Your crew is acting like my new crowd
They can account for every time I do smile
Success can come few and far between
I still wish you the best but right now I'm living out what you would call a dream

I'll admit you not messaging me is kinda messing with me
Thought we were boys till you started hating on me
I reached out you just wasn't feeling me
I hope this ain't one of those forever things
Just know this wasn't a power thing
It was simply me doing MY THING

Don't believe the lie...You know I was never caught up in the Hype ;)

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RyE On....Hiatus

Time to change it up....No more dark skies.

Got to LIVE

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RyE On Hating Fat Girls

Ok maybe hate is a strong word...but right now I strongly dislike you! lol

Had a traumatizing experience on the train today. Probably top 5 worst experiences on the train...yep def up there.

So the train ride was so packed that basically if I was standing I could either

A) Impregnate someone
B) Get raped

THANKFULLY I had a seat. Or so I thought. Because it was so packed I had the privilege of having Super Fat stand in front of me

No joke she was probably this big. Now lets get a couple of things straight. Ladies...Ladies...laaaaadies (sigh) if you know you got some extra dinner rolls hanging around you spandex is not your friend. And just because the weather is getting better....a tank top with your bottom muffin top sticking out isn't a good look.

So back to the story... there I was dozing off as I normally do...

...when all of a sudden SMACK! The train must have hit the brake pads abruptly because that fat woman's belly straight up upper cut me! She didn't look like she could keep it together either and I swore she was going to fall on me I thought this was going to happen to me...


So my natural reaction was....



Next time I'll try to stay awake on the train.... =)

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RyE on Two Years Gone: The Real

Editors Note:The second entry of my first mini series on this blog entitled Two Years Gone. Again this is in no particular order during that time period but more thoughts and things I felt during that time. This piece is inspired by The Real

Why do I feel all alone
I got a girl and yet she act like she don't know my role
Acting out of character this ain't the girl I know
Talking bullshit as if it was for me to prove and show
But I don't got the heart to give this bitch the cue to go
So she sticks around kicking feedback
And I entertain it as if I need that
I had a talk with my friend and I agreed that
This girl offers nothing to give back
Heartache & pain despite my polite flows
And this is only my point of view so don't think my mind closed
I still got a pair of her night clothes
And the last thing she wore I call them fight clothes
Eyes swollen from the tears this chapters closed
Life was so full now shit is just lipoed
Always said I'll say it all on the right track
But we was bound to lose every time I fight back
I couldn't keep my mouth shut I had to tell you basics
Like how you think everything I am is nothing but a diss
My cocky demeanor ain't something you gon miss
Seal it with a kiss cause you will always be a Miss
When I stand atop of greatness
Don't forget the moment you began to doubt
Should have listened to the fam you was always on the out
Claire the air...nothing but a big mouth
Act like I'm an embarrassment to take out
My mother should be embarrassed that I tried to put out
But I never took it down
Cuz a stripper took it down
But I don't feel the need to wear disguises all around
Asking where my mind is and all I see is minus
And I promise this your highness
You are part of my colitis
Congratulations now you timeless
So I'll do this on my own
Cause I can't continue on
While this next girl is tryna make you my ex girl
So she can be my new girl but she forgot she someone else girl
And I ain't tryna fuck around right now
Shit could get weird if things start going down
So I stay clear like it's a small town
And everybody talks and everybody listens
But somehow the truth always comes up missing
This industry has a way of making something out of nothing
Especially when you give them nothing to be discussing
Everybody asking "What you know about Rye?"
"Who you with?" I give them no reply
A year ago you didn't pass up on him
Attracted to my accolades I gassed up on them
Now hes a prick nothing but trash up on him
No surprise you never gave up ass on him
But you tried to
Till you thought something I was spitting was inside you
Fuck around got my head swirling like a...damn

Make me change however you decide to
Nah, TC told me to do me
And don't listen to Baby that knew me
Cause to have known me would mean there's a new me
And if you think I change in the slightest you could have fooled me
I come back to drop a double nickle on my city like the 2-3
I'm just not the affectionate type to me that shit is crazy
And you knew that from before don't try to play me
See I can get a hunny with my eyes closed
And I'm about to take a trip to Toronto
Where hunnies do more than just the side po'...
Fuck them they sell themselves short to every motherfucker I know
But to me you know I never will
Cause I could do better still
Back home keep your searches
Cause my style got my ass up on a pedestal
And they tell me there are bigger fish to kill
And I'm waiting for that best you ever had feel
Problem with you was...I was just too real

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RyE On Two Years Gone: The Calm

Editors Note: I mentioned in a few blogs back (RyEBlogs 4.8.10) that I would dispel a couple of things that I have gone through during some of the most private times of my life. They were private because well...I couldn't exactly be open about certain things due to the circumstances. So this will be my first mini series on this blog that I will title Two Years Gone. This is in no particular order during that time period but more thoughts and things I felt during that time. This piece is inspired by The Calm

I'm so far gone

November's Own

Please don't leave me alone

Drunk off stress screaming all alone

My family is my home

What the fuck is going on

Why did we go wrong

I feel like I don't belong

Caught up in this life and it's one I can't postpone

Meanin if it rains, I'm the one it's raining on

When the plan is moving on I still got nothing set in stone

Women come and by, yet nothing I can claim my own

And tell me don't be mad I promise that I won't

Feelin so distant from everyone I've known

To make everybody happy I think I need a clone

Compliments be thrown

Still nothing to be shown

I've done more for my people than they could have ever known

I am only twentysuntin yet look at how I'm grown

You can say I'm in the zone

I call this shit the calm, yeah

But I'm the furthest thing from calm

Dedicate this to my mom and I swear my word is bond

Everything will be ok and it won't even take that long

You can see it in my face or even read it on my palm

Destined to lead its proven and it's known

Can't sit idle even if I got the throne

I know you like to worry but it'll be better if you don't cause...

Everything will be alright...I apologize for venting like this...you probably wishing it was a little more straight forward but..you know.. gotta take it how you get sometimes..roll with the punches..and um yea so uh

And life is so insane

Look what I've became

Tryna make a name

Yet I don't know if I want the fame

Because every picture taken is something to explain

Whose the girl you datin and can I get her name?

It's a curse you gotta live with when you are critically acclaimed

I am not here to entertain when my privacy is all I try to retain

Nosey people got nothing better than to complain

And to my two year relationship you are the ones to blame

Not taking anything off myself I wish we knew just how heavy this really weighed

It's a weight that's on my chest whoever said it could be the same

So I'm liftin all alone try not to get a sprain

New chick old chick give dirty exchange

Cause I moved on, got me feeling all guilty & ashamed

Like how I got to this was all pre-arranged

And I'm payin for my sins with some dollars and some change

Damn if you could only feel my pain

Cause my positive ability to keep everything in+sane

Is making me head back to the pharmacy once again

They say they love me but I hope it's not in vain

Carolina's heart is all up and restrained

Call her heartbreak ugh she the hardest one to tame

As a man I'm just honest

To my name I am a King

With a million and one problems still sitting on my brain

Yet you won't see a thang no I act like it ain't a thang

Hold my head up high yea and see this is the thing

What they view as bragging is the way that I maintain

It's the single reason I remain...me

I call this shit the calm...but I'm the furthest thing from calm

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RyE On Branding

The following excerpts are from GQ Magazines Article in the March 2010 issue entitled: "Meet the Happy New Me, Same as the Crappy Old Me"

"'COCA-COLA' said the account executive, "owns Happiness'" I was freelance copywriting for Satan at an Advertising Agency in New York City. I prefer writing fiction and occasional journalism but the Dark Lord pays well and there's free coffee on the twenty third floor. The downside is the whole spiritual-death/rotting-from-the-inside-out thing, but I do get a front row seat to the downfall of Western civilization.

"They own it?" I asked. She nodded. She seemed proud of Coca-Cola and proud of herself for being proud of them. "They've owned it," she added, "for a hundred years."

Branding, as this is known, has been around for some time now. By creating a positive "personality" for their products- youthful, happy, caring, hip-marketers don't have to worry about selling products on their merits. They new adolescent-targeting body sprays- Hung scent, or Throbbing, or whatever it is-aren't much different from any other overly perfumed delousing agent so they create a personality to which their intended consumer can relate - in this case a teenager so desperate and lonely that he's willing to believe a $3 can of spray will turn women into the insatiable, gag reflexless vixens from the violent pornography upon which he subsists.

If Starbucks sat down next to you at a bar and said "Hi, I sell sub par coffee from Third World nations to desperate Western conformists," you'd probably call for your check. But if Starbucks said, "Hi I donate a portion of my bottled water profits to helping children get clean water," you might buy Starbucks a drink. You might introduce Starbucks to your friends and tell them how cool he is. That's branding. It's not clever, but it works.

Me, I own Misery. The world gets to me, it just does. I know it shouldn't but Christ on a shitstick, what a fucking mess. Maybe they showed me too many Holocaust films when I was a kid. Maybe I've read too many blogs. Many it's just the result of working in advertising for ten years: I've seen too much, I know too much. I know what corporations think of your worse, I've seen you in focus groups, proving them right. I know they can prove, quantitatively, that balloons printed with the names of prescription drugs lead people to ask their doctors for those very same drugs. I know that putting the name of a laundry detergent on the hood of a race car that drives around in circles all Sunday afternoon predisposes people to buying that laundry detergent. I know too much. I'm in too deep. I need that Men in Black memory eraser thing on a rope beside the front door of my house so I can zap myself every night before going inside.

I'm miserable. I'm down. I'm unCoke.

The article continues to discuss how the author tries to change his "self brand." I've been doing a lot of things lately both in and out of work. But the consistent thing has always been branding. Starting my own organization has not been an easy task and branding it and giving it an identity has been even more challenging. The classes are going well and I'm learning everything I need to know about doing what I need to do to get this up and running in a year (despite my business model being rolled out in 2 years).

At my current job its all about branding and rebranding (cough Rethink Possible cough). I can relate to the article and I too wish I could erase everything I know because I can't look at anything anymore without seeing its marketing tools and strategies. It really is the devil. It has corrupted me and I can't change what I know.

As we go through evaluations they have implemented the whole "create your self brand." I'm so over that word it makes me sick. And yet (as I promised I would to everyone around me) I would give myself till Q1 and if nothing changed then I will change. And that I have. Since April I have been submitting my resume for several Brand Manager positions from ESPN, to Google (because they are taking over the world), to Heineken (heck maybe I can drink all day to get the creative juices flowing), to even Nike in Seattle. Why go for brand manager positions you ask? Well because I can't turn back the hands of time.

Truth be told everything about how you carry yourself, to how you talk, to the style of clothes you wear you create, subconsciously or not, a brand. There are things I purposely do because I know it will get my brand out there. I also know there are certain things I don't allow to be known so I can maintain my brand image.

And here's the moral of the story boys and girls. Having a brand that you can call your own is not a bad thing. You might call it an "identity." Where it can eat you up is if you try to let it consume you with every decision you make. There are going to be people out there who try and sway you to be one way or the other. Or question your decisions. Fuck them. Do you. And to say that your brand is finite is a lie. Just like other brands you might have to re-brand yourself and that's O-K. I'm sure you wouldn't say that the same person you were at 14 is the same person you are at 24. Or even 20 vs 30. Life alters your brand and you can't control everything about it.

I'm currently in a re-branding stage myself. Setting goals I've always wanted to accomplish. Putting myself in a situation where my worth is valued both monetary and respect wise. And as for professionally and personally I have eliminated those I see as nothing but value wasted or non value added assets in my life.

I have learned I cannot carry everyone's burden on my back. I can't be so loyal that I'm blind to the fact that I'm devaluing myself. I knew it was over when I was counting down the days for me to put myself back on the market. And when I did it was a humbling experience. But the experience also led me to realize I need that hunger back. The hunger to challenge myself and to prove myself all over again. Some would rather sit back and be complacent in their role. I can't do that. The minute I become unchallenged that's when I know it is time to turn the lights off and close the chapter on this book.

I've also distanced myself from people who needed me their entire life and it actually feels good. Don't get me wrong, I don't like that I'm doing this, because it hurts feelings of people I do genuinely care about, but it's best for everyone involved. With everything going on in my life I don't have the time anymore to deal with the same old songs. The whining and complaining. The nagging and the "I wish I could have this..or If I had a chance I would..." I hate talkers. As much as I can I try to not talk about what I want or what I am going to do. I just do. (sorry Nike...no cheap plugs for you!) Pussyfooting ain't gonna get you anywhere.

So with that said I look to a new brand. One that is more balanced, healthier, wiser, and one that brings back the fun and joy I had when life wasn't always so complicated. I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead. The wheels are in motion and it's only a matter of time when goodbyes are said and hello to a whole new set of people/things...till the next re-branding!

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