RyE On Happiness/Familia

Lately I've been feeling a bit lost. My heads been overloaded with things that I can't seem to focus. I forget conversations I have with people, forget what I'm doing in the MIDDLE of doing it. I feel like I'm losing my damn mind. It's been a long time since I can say that I am truly happy with my life.

I've been saying I'm maintaining instead of excelling. I've been saying I'm satisfied instead of saying fulfilled. And more importantly I've been saying I've seen better days than saying I'm good I'm happy.

There's a number of factors that contribute to this. My job, my current status, my relationship, some of the friendships/people I associate myself with.

I'll briefly break down each one for you:

• My Job - I HATE it. My passion is gone. My patience with everyone and everything we go through has BEEN gone. My problem is that it pays the bills and I'm better than the rest at what I do. So like every catch 22 I'm stuck in a predicament. But I know I'll figure someway out...I always do
• My Current Status - Like I mentioned before I feel like I'm maintaining instead of excelling. I need to start making moves towards a more rewarding life. I am a home owner but barely get to live life because all my money goes to mortgage payments and bills. The American Dream ain't always what it seems. You only live once right so fuck it...lets go on a shopping spree haha
• Problems with the wife...don't discuss em
• I feel like everyone's got their own agenda. Rightfully so they should look out for their own well being especially in a time like this.What pisses me off are the two face bitches that say something to save face only to turn around and deny it when they are called out on it. Then there are those pple who you can't seem to understand but something in your gut just tells you that they have a hidden agenda.
  

(Sidebar) I know this is a little off track but I was on the train today and a woman was standing up but decided to crouch down about half way from 71st to Roosevelt Ave. For those who take the F know this is a pretty long stop in between. There was a woman sitting down who got up at the next stop and this other woman, I'll call her the bitch, who was standing at the time decided to take the seat instead of giving it to the poor woman who was unable to even stand (I'll call her Rosa). Another woman said to the bitch that Rosa was pregnant and should give her seat up but that didn't stop the bitch who replied "she'll be fine." Thankfully a man sitting gave up her seat so that Rosa could sit but I couldn't believe that bitch. Now at the time my girl was telling me she hates how NYers are so cold and I basically responded..eh its the survival of the fittest. Whatever I was running through in my head it was cold hearted on a Monday morning. Sadly though I do feel this way.

Getting back to my point above. I feel like right now I only got a handful of people I can just bare my soul so to speak and say whats on my mind. But the rest...the rest is all on me. I feel like I'm Rosa alone in this world with no one to give me a helping hand. Not that I'm looking for one but sometimes its nice to know that someones got my back. I felt this way all morning till I remembered how I felt this past Sat....

I was with my family on Saturday for the baptism of Sophia (the newest baby girl to the family). I found out that there will be not one...not two...but THREE new babies coming our way soon! I couldn't wait to spread the good news. It felt awesome being with my family. After the party we went back to my cousins house where all my tita's and titos and cousins watched their most recent trip to the Philippines this fall to see the opening of the Capilla de San Antonio.....

Part 2 to come (sorry it's late)