RyE On Two Years Gone: The Calm

Editors Note: I mentioned in a few blogs back (RyEBlogs 4.8.10) that I would dispel a couple of things that I have gone through during some of the most private times of my life. They were private because well...I couldn't exactly be open about certain things due to the circumstances. So this will be my first mini series on this blog that I will title Two Years Gone. This is in no particular order during that time period but more thoughts and things I felt during that time. This piece is inspired by The Calm

I'm so far gone

November's Own

Please don't leave me alone

Drunk off stress screaming all alone

My family is my home

What the fuck is going on

Why did we go wrong

I feel like I don't belong

Caught up in this life and it's one I can't postpone

Meanin if it rains, I'm the one it's raining on

When the plan is moving on I still got nothing set in stone

Women come and by, yet nothing I can claim my own

And tell me don't be mad I promise that I won't

Feelin so distant from everyone I've known

To make everybody happy I think I need a clone

Compliments be thrown

Still nothing to be shown

I've done more for my people than they could have ever known

I am only twentysuntin yet look at how I'm grown

You can say I'm in the zone

I call this shit the calm, yeah

But I'm the furthest thing from calm

Dedicate this to my mom and I swear my word is bond

Everything will be ok and it won't even take that long

You can see it in my face or even read it on my palm

Destined to lead its proven and it's known

Can't sit idle even if I got the throne

I know you like to worry but it'll be better if you don't cause...

Everything will be alright...I apologize for venting like this...you probably wishing it was a little more straight forward but..you know.. gotta take it how you get sometimes..roll with the punches..and um yea so uh

And life is so insane

Look what I've became

Tryna make a name

Yet I don't know if I want the fame

Because every picture taken is something to explain

Whose the girl you datin and can I get her name?

It's a curse you gotta live with when you are critically acclaimed

I am not here to entertain when my privacy is all I try to retain

Nosey people got nothing better than to complain

And to my two year relationship you are the ones to blame

Not taking anything off myself I wish we knew just how heavy this really weighed

It's a weight that's on my chest whoever said it could be the same

So I'm liftin all alone try not to get a sprain

New chick old chick give dirty exchange

Cause I moved on, got me feeling all guilty & ashamed

Like how I got to this was all pre-arranged

And I'm payin for my sins with some dollars and some change

Damn if you could only feel my pain

Cause my positive ability to keep everything in+sane

Is making me head back to the pharmacy once again

They say they love me but I hope it's not in vain

Carolina's heart is all up and restrained

Call her heartbreak ugh she the hardest one to tame

As a man I'm just honest

To my name I am a King

With a million and one problems still sitting on my brain

Yet you won't see a thang no I act like it ain't a thang

Hold my head up high yea and see this is the thing

What they view as bragging is the way that I maintain

It's the single reason I remain...me

I call this shit the calm...but I'm the furthest thing from calm

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RyE On Branding

The following excerpts are from GQ Magazines Article in the March 2010 issue entitled: "Meet the Happy New Me, Same as the Crappy Old Me"

"'COCA-COLA' said the account executive, "owns Happiness'" I was freelance copywriting for Satan at an Advertising Agency in New York City. I prefer writing fiction and occasional journalism but the Dark Lord pays well and there's free coffee on the twenty third floor. The downside is the whole spiritual-death/rotting-from-the-inside-out thing, but I do get a front row seat to the downfall of Western civilization.

"They own it?" I asked. She nodded. She seemed proud of Coca-Cola and proud of herself for being proud of them. "They've owned it," she added, "for a hundred years."

Branding, as this is known, has been around for some time now. By creating a positive "personality" for their products- youthful, happy, caring, hip-marketers don't have to worry about selling products on their merits. They new adolescent-targeting body sprays- Hung scent, or Throbbing, or whatever it is-aren't much different from any other overly perfumed delousing agent so they create a personality to which their intended consumer can relate - in this case a teenager so desperate and lonely that he's willing to believe a $3 can of spray will turn women into the insatiable, gag reflexless vixens from the violent pornography upon which he subsists.

If Starbucks sat down next to you at a bar and said "Hi, I sell sub par coffee from Third World nations to desperate Western conformists," you'd probably call for your check. But if Starbucks said, "Hi I donate a portion of my bottled water profits to helping children get clean water," you might buy Starbucks a drink. You might introduce Starbucks to your friends and tell them how cool he is. That's branding. It's not clever, but it works.

Me, I own Misery. The world gets to me, it just does. I know it shouldn't but Christ on a shitstick, what a fucking mess. Maybe they showed me too many Holocaust films when I was a kid. Maybe I've read too many blogs. Many it's just the result of working in advertising for ten years: I've seen too much, I know too much. I know what corporations think of your worse, I've seen you in focus groups, proving them right. I know they can prove, quantitatively, that balloons printed with the names of prescription drugs lead people to ask their doctors for those very same drugs. I know that putting the name of a laundry detergent on the hood of a race car that drives around in circles all Sunday afternoon predisposes people to buying that laundry detergent. I know too much. I'm in too deep. I need that Men in Black memory eraser thing on a rope beside the front door of my house so I can zap myself every night before going inside.

I'm miserable. I'm down. I'm unCoke.

The article continues to discuss how the author tries to change his "self brand." I've been doing a lot of things lately both in and out of work. But the consistent thing has always been branding. Starting my own organization has not been an easy task and branding it and giving it an identity has been even more challenging. The classes are going well and I'm learning everything I need to know about doing what I need to do to get this up and running in a year (despite my business model being rolled out in 2 years).

At my current job its all about branding and rebranding (cough Rethink Possible cough). I can relate to the article and I too wish I could erase everything I know because I can't look at anything anymore without seeing its marketing tools and strategies. It really is the devil. It has corrupted me and I can't change what I know.

As we go through evaluations they have implemented the whole "create your self brand." I'm so over that word it makes me sick. And yet (as I promised I would to everyone around me) I would give myself till Q1 and if nothing changed then I will change. And that I have. Since April I have been submitting my resume for several Brand Manager positions from ESPN, to Google (because they are taking over the world), to Heineken (heck maybe I can drink all day to get the creative juices flowing), to even Nike in Seattle. Why go for brand manager positions you ask? Well because I can't turn back the hands of time.

Truth be told everything about how you carry yourself, to how you talk, to the style of clothes you wear you create, subconsciously or not, a brand. There are things I purposely do because I know it will get my brand out there. I also know there are certain things I don't allow to be known so I can maintain my brand image.

And here's the moral of the story boys and girls. Having a brand that you can call your own is not a bad thing. You might call it an "identity." Where it can eat you up is if you try to let it consume you with every decision you make. There are going to be people out there who try and sway you to be one way or the other. Or question your decisions. Fuck them. Do you. And to say that your brand is finite is a lie. Just like other brands you might have to re-brand yourself and that's O-K. I'm sure you wouldn't say that the same person you were at 14 is the same person you are at 24. Or even 20 vs 30. Life alters your brand and you can't control everything about it.

I'm currently in a re-branding stage myself. Setting goals I've always wanted to accomplish. Putting myself in a situation where my worth is valued both monetary and respect wise. And as for professionally and personally I have eliminated those I see as nothing but value wasted or non value added assets in my life.

I have learned I cannot carry everyone's burden on my back. I can't be so loyal that I'm blind to the fact that I'm devaluing myself. I knew it was over when I was counting down the days for me to put myself back on the market. And when I did it was a humbling experience. But the experience also led me to realize I need that hunger back. The hunger to challenge myself and to prove myself all over again. Some would rather sit back and be complacent in their role. I can't do that. The minute I become unchallenged that's when I know it is time to turn the lights off and close the chapter on this book.

I've also distanced myself from people who needed me their entire life and it actually feels good. Don't get me wrong, I don't like that I'm doing this, because it hurts feelings of people I do genuinely care about, but it's best for everyone involved. With everything going on in my life I don't have the time anymore to deal with the same old songs. The whining and complaining. The nagging and the "I wish I could have this..or If I had a chance I would..." I hate talkers. As much as I can I try to not talk about what I want or what I am going to do. I just do. (sorry Nike...no cheap plugs for you!) Pussyfooting ain't gonna get you anywhere.

So with that said I look to a new brand. One that is more balanced, healthier, wiser, and one that brings back the fun and joy I had when life wasn't always so complicated. I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead. The wheels are in motion and it's only a matter of time when goodbyes are said and hello to a whole new set of people/things...till the next re-branding!

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RyE On Airplanes

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RyE On What I Wanted to Say...

So it's been a week or two since Lent has come and gone. I gave up FB for lent but made a conscience decision to try not to go back after lent. So far so good but I do miss that outlet to see what people are up and have the ability to communicate to people I am not that "close" with.

That being said if I were on FB during that time here's a few of what my updates would have looked like:

• Gosh this is tough
• Good Day vs Bad Day....I think Bad Day won
• Am I really going to Spring Break tomorrow?!
• Yay for a new B Baby
  
• I am really too old for this....
• I will never do that again....ever
• I'm a Ninong again whoo hooo
  
• Pulling a Bret Favre...
• Shut down....
• Beisbol Season is baaaaaack
• Los Mets = Los Suckass
• Not getting emotionally attached this year....I swear...
• To my previous status..I lied
• FUCK
• shhhhh.org/yourfuckingface
• One more B Baby...we are taking over
  
• Your Beautiful and I hate you
• Great wall of China
• What an Immigrant
• "We were supposed to just hook up and have a blast..."
• Mojo...where did you go?
• RIP U.F'd Up
  
• I had to laugh for a second had to check myself get my mack back in perspective...I slacked for a second but I'm back no question
• I'm cold...ice cold

I'm pretty sure I'll be back sooner than later haha

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RyE On Self Love and Beautiful Ones

Joel: he's my only friend who isnt like...i'm the shit
Joel: papa I know you look in the mirror...and blow a lil kiss (closing eyes and leaning for a kiss)
RyE: I damn near molest myself
Joel: LMAO

and with that...I bring to you

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RyE On MC'ing RUNS in the Family

"And you know I'm born in Queens so Nas gave me the clearance!"
I ain't mad at ya Diggy!

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