RyE On This Little Light of Mine

iiiii'm gonna let it shiiiiine....

 (ahem)

Excuse me I couldn't help myself. I'm about to pass out as I write this but I needed to get it out. Ever have one of those moments where you just feel productive? Where you feel like you want to do more? Because life is just so much better when you actually apply yourself in it? Yea....that's what I feel like.

Getting  back into a much needed workout routine and better eating habits (summer is here and well I gotta keep tight keep it right). My running has improved so much in the last two months. I am running long distance outdoors with a lot of stamina and speed. It reminds me of how I was back in 2006 and I couldn't be happier. I thought I lost this ability through all my injuries and other ailments. And to see it back well I'm not going to let anything stop me. I want to namaste and om shanti it up more. I want to find that balance of peace and help alleviate the pain in my back.

I want to be enlightened and read more and stop listening to my ryepod every morning on my way to work. I want to write more and I guess blog more. I want to have conversations with intellectual people about their lives and experiences.

I want to enjoy the summer and live it to its fullest potential. I want to buy a little piece of heaven. I want to ride my bike till the very End. I want to share captured moments with my loved ones so we can look back fondly of our time together. I want to love....love her. I want her to love...love me.

But the biggest thing I want to do....I want to go back to school. I got this itch to want to learn and feel like going back to school can only help me to where I want to go next. And you know I say this thinking I have it all planned out (which goes against my last blog). And I might have a hint of what I want to do but I also know that if it doesn't happen....well it'll still be all alright in the end.

So c'mon world....are you ready for me? 

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RyE On A Summer Love Affair (Find Your Love Edition)

I better find your lovin...I better find your heart

I better find all my love and nothing's going to tear us apart



So my love we find ourselves back to square one. I know I was away longer than I anticipated. I left you abruptly and promised I'd be back. And I returned...later than normal and with mixed emotions and negative circumstances. Nothing that you did but yet I came to you with that and expected you to "fix" it. Instead I left you just as soon as I had arrived... still with those mixed emotions and I feel I did you a disservice.

The anticipation of our reunion was brought up in discussions much sooner than I had imagined and by individuals who I don't generally relate to you. The constant thread of comments made about you and expectations of you... and me...us..... soured my view. And I knew all this as I had mentioned in the past I knew I was opening us up to a world I wasn't sure I was ready to handle.

And now everyone wants a piece of you and I feel selfish about it. You are mine. You will always be mine. I love you till the stars stop shining on your face. And I'm sorry that we left each other on less than favorable terms. It's made me timid to go back to you. And I know it's only a passing moment but I still feel like until I correct this wrong it won't feel right.

And so I promise to take us back to how it was. Back when it was simple, sweet and innocent. You're my fortress of solitude...the one with all my secrets...the one that takes away all my pain...the one that I found my love and I will go back to you and find that love once again.

I know it.

I'll see you soon love...

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RyE On Thank Me Later

And oh my goodness you're welcome (you're welcome)
At this point me is who I am trying to save myself from....

I think I'm spending all my time with the wrong women
I think I have a chance at love and knowing me I missed it
Cause me dedicating my time just isn't realistic
Man, the good girls went silent on me...
They got a boyfriend, or left for college on me
And all the bad ones I used to hit are friends now...
That make me wish I had a little less mileage on me
But do I ever come up in discussion?
Over double-pump lattes and low fat muffins?
Do I?.... Or is missing what we had out of the question?
I'm probably just the reason that you learned your lesson...
I got flows for the Marilyn Monroes who was there before it all...
I guess thats how it goes

They hear about your cons, but focus on your pros..
And love you for who you are from the bottome of they soul.
But those same ones from your area will grow into women that are ready to get married at hello...

Searching for the meaning, you'll find it next to me.
They tell me I'm the hottest....guess we finally get to see..

They Say the doors'll open up soon as you find the missing key...
It's probably why I'm in this bitch shinin
Jump up in the sky and put the stars into alignment
I rep the NYC in case you need to be reminded
And the bandwagon's full but you can try and run behind it..

And I know life is just a game in which the cards are facin down
I'm in a world where things are taken, never given
How long they choose to love you will never be your decision
And I'm aware that this could be the last time you listen...

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RyE On Leaving it in God's Hands

Everybody made it through the rapture? Yes? No? Maybe? Well...for better or for worse I'm still here and so if these are the last few months I'm going to rock it out till the wheels fall off. Funny actually that this whole rapture nonsense came into place because I was actually thinking of spewing my thoughts on certain things that I've been somewhat of a loss for.

If you haven't learned by now I'm a planner. I'm an organized type A personality planner. That means I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, and managing my time efficiently. I find it irritating, get frustrated, find it annoying,  hate, DESPISE indecisiveness and indecisive people. They really irk me and make it unbearable for me to ever want to do anything with them. The only problem is I have a lot of friends and family who fall in that category. It's whatever. I've been dealing with things like this my whole life and really I don't see this changing. We are who we are.

Another thing I can't wrap my brain around is my inability to just let go. You know when your younger and your mom or dad tell you not to touch the stove because its hot? I mean clearly you see the flames...you know that heat = pain yet there's still that burning desire to want to touch it? What? No? Only me? (damn) Well anyway....sometimes I know my brain is right. That certain things are better left unsaid, and things are better left alone, and I shouldn't keep doing certain things yet my heart, my soul, and everything about me says "fuck it" and does it anyway. (see What's the Story Morning Glory?) I'm an emotionally vested individual. I just go on what I feel even if it's against my better judgment. And sometimes in the end it probably will hurt even more not listening to my brain but I can't stop it.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that for as much of a planner as I'd like to be...for as smart as I know I am...I still have to leave a few things to a higher power. God, Buddah, Allah, Yoda...whomever it may be I'm leaving the bigger things in my life up to (in my case) God. I stress out too much when I over think. And I stress out when things don't go a particular way that I had hoped or imagined it to go. It leaves me bitter, angry, and down right nasty at times. So while I may not like planning with you indecisive people, and while I know I probably shouldn't be doing the things I'm doing, or saying the things I'm saying with you folks, whatever happens as a result of all that? I'm leaving in God's hands.

God I hope I'm right

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RyE On 5 Things I Rock Daily

 My White Girl...Lindsay Lohan

 Time Piece & Karma Beads

 My Angel...given to me by my Angel

Gotta stay moist ;)

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RyE On What's The Story Morning Glory?

I'm writing this after a long day that followed a long week...that followed an even longer three weeks combined. I've been at the lowest of my lows and brought back to the highest of highs only to come back straight to the middle not knowing whether I should look up or down.

It's been crazy to say the least and I wish I could fully state all the things that's in my head accurately but I know I just can't. I'll probably ramble and make NO sense of what I'm trying to say.

So in no particular order I'm just going to try and say what is on my mind these last few weeks....

1. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I'm sorry that I left and ignored you. I'm sorry that we ever went through what I feel is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I'm sorry for putting you through this. And isn't it crazy that in a week it all seemed like a lifetime ago.....
2. I don't know what it is but I can't seem to escape my past. Old faces always seem to pop up. Some welcoming... others with trepidation. And then I think to myself when the last time I saw them and it has been years. Who I was when I last saw them I don't even recognize. And I wonder why am I so afraid to want to reconnect? What is it that bothers me to try and stay away from them..
3. I have come to the conclusion that I am one emotional head case. There was a time when you couldn't ever tell my emotions...well you probably could but I would never admit it. But in the last few years and especially in the last few months I've come to realize that I'm really sappy lol. I'm a cornball and get all emotional over the dumbest things. For example it was Mothers day and I spent it of course with my mother and her sisters (who are all mothers) and my Lola...the matriarch of all of them and I just broke down. I teared up watching my family and had to excuse myself.  I love my family. If there is one thing you should know about me is that they mean every.thing.to.me. And I will do anything for them. Which leads me to my next point....
4. I don't always reflect so much on what I want so much so that I tend to forget the things that I truly want out of life. I get wrapped up in making sure everyone else is happy and working towards what they want I lose my own goals. And then it was said to me...or written rather to me... and I realized that damn how have I not seen what was always in front of me. It may not be the hip thing to say or even some macho bravado thing to say but I could care less. I want a family of my own. I want a wife who will share my world with me. Who will be there for me through thick and thin and be the force behind me to want to be a better man. And I want to be the same for her. I want to start a family and have kids. I am a Tito, a Ninong and a Kuya but I want so badly to be a Father. And I know that someday I will but I wish I could just believe it now...
5. Call me stubborn but I find it funny how in time the things you once stood so adamantly for and against you realize it doesn't always last. Maybe it's my new role but coming into the business I have always been one to say I will never be close with the people I work with. To me it just didn't matter. I always felt like I have my core friends and that's cool. I'll be friendly with people from work but I could never allow them in. Fast forward almost 6 years later and I'm all about the peeps I work with. I mean I legit care about each and every one of them. I look out for them and want to make sure both professionally and personally that they are okay. I don't feel all that much older to them but they make me feel like a big brother to them. Affectionately they call me out as a "Daddy" and its crazy because that is the nickname I get from other groups of friends...
6. I guess you can't escape being who you are. I'm proud to be consistent and at least be honest and true to myself. It shows because no matter the groups of individuals I come across they treat me with respect and genuine feelings for me...
7. However I feel for those who are still trying to find themselves. Not that I fully know who I am yet...but I think that whoever I feel or state that I am... I stand by it with conviction and a purity to it. I don't think your ever too young or old to say you know 100% who you are. It's an ever constant evolution. The values of yourself may not change but they certainly will adapt and mature over time....
8. And so I worry about two of my best friends. One I worry about despite his inability to be honest with me. Despite his lack of concern for others than himself I still care about the kid. I wish he could find himself but only he can do that on his own. The other I worry about his insecurities. He's the type who has the world at his hands but doesn't believe in himself enough to seize it. I want the best for them....
9. Fast Five = Awesome; Thor = ehhhh........
10. I just really wanted to make it to ten :)

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