RyE On The Life & Times

When people describe this young man he is often described as a man of few words but with an open heart. His actions generally do the talking and his ability to show his honesty through his body of work has always shined. On the brink of success has been the tidal wave in which he always rode on. Pushing forward without looking back and through it all no one ever saw the dark holes and deprived attention he admittedly felt he should have had.

A somewhat volatile year(s) for a man struggling with inner peace and enough war inside of him to send him to the deep end. Now through all the trials and tribulations he is setting forth to reclaim a life he not only wants but he rightfully deserves.

Your a bit of a conundrum if I must say so myself. You tend to say your this or that and then go out and speak out against the very thing you claim you are. What is that?

Ha. Way to get this started. Yea I know that sounds like I'm a hypocrite. And honestly I'll admit I am. I like to speak my mind. I speak my mind better when I remove myself from the situation as opposed to being in the situation. It gives me a better sense of clarity. So often what I do for myself is not always the best thing for everyone else. I only know how to live my life the way I see it. And I don't know how to tell someone else to live theirs. I get paranoid at the responsibility of always living up to everyone's expectations. To be the best whatever...son, brother, cousin, friend, lover, employee, role model, its a trip to play all those parts to a tee! So when I do things I only know that I do it for me and hope it works but when someone asks for my opinion or looks to me like I'm a role model I'm like whoa whoa whoa. Hold up....lets not put me on any type of hot shit pedestal.

And speaking your mind...well that hasn't always been a good or necessarily a bad thing has it?

Not at all. Look I know I'm a calculated motherfucker. The shit I'm saying now is calculated but I am being honest as well. It's up to you to decide on what you want to take from this. When I say how I feel I say it because I'm passionate about it. But I also know that sometimes people aren't always going to agree with me and that's ok. I honestly don't care if 98% of the world says I'm an asshole because of what I say. I got a solid 2% of people that know I've been eating humble pie all my life and that trumps the rest of the world.

So then tell me why do you get so upset about all those people who are always "speaking their mind and keeping it real"

That keeping it real phrase is the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I seriously think its a cop out phrase that allows idiots and too quick tounged individuals to just say whatever the fuck they want and stamp it with a "I'm just keeping it real" as to justify their words. I told you I'm a calculated individual. Words have a lot of meaning. America is built on the freedom of speech but we are probably one of the strictest nations in censorship compared to other countries. And the problem is people just like to talk with no sense of responsibility. They say shit without thinking about the consequences of their words. Look at the tragedies in the last several years with bullying and hate. People go out and just kill themselves or harm others and its fucked up. But that's the big picture. That shit needs to stop without a doubt. I think what you are trying to get at are the people that I surround myself in. Well yea those fuckers just love to talk for the sake of talking. I don't get into it so I just ignore their lame ass. But I will say this...there's a difference between "keeping it real" and being two seconds shy of a slap across your face.

You have a history of anger management issues correct.

Did I not just threaten someone? Ha. Yes. Yes I do.

Want to expand more on it?

Not really. Only because I don't know why I have them.

You mentioned that it is the one aspect about yourself that terrifies you the most.

Sure it does. Because I have no control over it. First and foremost let me just say I have never ever ever ever hit a woman. My anger issues are internal. The way they manifest goes back to what I said earlier about words. That's why I'm calculated. Because I have a very difficult time holding back on how I feel. And I've hurt a lot of people in my life through my words. Sometimes the words did translate into physical violence. I would get into fights, punch back, start shit and that's when people started to say "hey man you need to take control of this." I was a reckless kid. Growing up I was always the small dude in the class so maybe I had this complex where I felt the need to prove something of myself to the others because I wasn't as tall or built like them.

And so you went through anger management..

Twice. Once in high school because I was going through dumbass shit over a girl ha. And again in college due to a misdemeanor. But did that... and my record is as clean as a whistle!

Yet you still struggle with that concept.

I struggle with control. Control is a dangerous feeling. It's almost an addiction. I grew up with no control. Over my health, over my decisions and over everyone in my family because I was one of the youngest ones. Then one day I got control over my health. I started being self reliant and it felt like for the first time I was alive. It changed everything for me. I started to associate control with living. So long as I had control I was living the life I wanted and that's all that mattered. Problem was that I can't control everything in life. And it's only recently now that I've come to learn that and make necessary changes in order to live a better life.

And that brings us to where you are today. It seems like in the last three years you haven't been in control. You have had multiple hospital stints, rare public outbursts, seclusion, hidden affairs, insomnia, a possible medication dependency and even rumors of a depression.


To be continued.